Лайон Спрэг Де Камп Array: The Green Magician

At last, over the manes of the horses, Shea saw that they were approaching a stronghold. This consisted of a stockade of logs with a huge double gate.

Belphebe surveyed it critically and whispered behind her hand to Shea, «It could be taken with firearrows.»

«I don’t think they have many archers or very good ones,» he whispered back. «Maybe you can show them something.»

The gate was pushed open creakingly by more bearded warriors, who shouted: «Good-day to you, Cucuc! Good luck toUlster ’s hound!»

The gate was wide enough to admit the chariot, scythe-blades and all. As the vehicle rumbled through the opening, Shea glimpsed houses of various shapes and sizes, some of them evidently stables and barns. The biggest of all was the hall in the middle, whose heavily thatched roof came down almost to the ground at the sides.

Laeg pulled up. Cuchulainn jumped down, waved his hand, and cried, «Muirthemne welcomes you, Americans!» All the others applauded as though he had said something particularly brilliant. He turned to speak to a fat man, rather better dressed than the rest, when another man came out of the main hall and walked rapidly toward them. The newcomer was a thin man of medium height, elderly but vigorous, slightly bent and carrying a stick, on which he leaned now and again. He had a long white beard, and a purple robe covered him from neck to ankle.

«The best of the day to you, Cathbadh,» said Cuchulainn. «This is surely a happy hour that brings you here, but where is my darling Emer?»

«Emer has gone to Emain Macha,» said Cathbadh. «Conchobar summoned her.»

«Ara!» shouted Cuchulainn. «Is it a serf that I am, that the King can send for my wife every time he takes it into the head of him? He is.»

«It is not that at all, at all,» said Cathbadh. «He summons you, too, and for that he sent me instead of Levarcham, for he knows you might not heed her word if you took it into that willful head of yours to disobey, whereas it ismyself can put a geas on you to go.»

«And why does himself want us at Emain Macha?»

«Would I beknowing all the secrete in the heart of a King?»

Shea asked, «Are you the court druid?»

Cathbadh became aware of him for the first time, and Cuchulainn made introductions. Shea explained, «It seems to me that the King might want you at the court for your own protection, so the druids can keep Maev’s sorcerers from putting a spell on you. That’s what she’s going to do.»

«How do you know of this?» asked Cathbadh.

«Through Pete here. He sometimes knows about things that are going to happen before they actually take place. In our country we call it second sight.»

Cuchulainn wrinkled his nose. «That ugly slave?»

«Yeh, me,» said Brodsky, who had approached the group. «And you better watch your step, handsome, because somebody’s going to hang you up to dry unless you do something about it.»

«If it is destined none can alter it,» said Cuchulainn.

«Fergus!Have the bath water heated.» He turned to Shea. «Once you are properly washed and garbed you will look well enough for the board in my beautiful house. I will lend you some proper garments, for I cannot bear the sight of those Formorian-like rags.»

Along the side of the main hall was an alcove made of screens of wattle, set at an angle that provided privacy for those within. In the alcove stood Cuchulainn’s bathtub, a large and elaborate affair of bronze. A procession of thewomen of the manor werenow coming in from the well with jugs of water, which they emptied into the tub. Meanwhile the men were poking up the fire at the end of the hall and adding a number of stones of about five to ten pounds’ weight.

Brodsky sidled up to Shea, as they stood in the half-light, orientingthemselves. «Listen, I don’t want to blow the whistle on a bump rap, but you better watch it. The racket they have here, this guy can make a pass at Belphebe in his own house, and it’s legit. You ain’t gotno beef coming.»

«I was afraid of that,» said Shea, unhappily.

«Look there.»

«There» was a row of wooden spikes projecting from one of the horizontal strings along the wall, and most of these spikes were occupied by human heads. As they watched Laeg brought in the head bag and added the latest trophies to the collection, pressing them down firmly. Some of those already in place were quite fresh, while others had been there so long that there was little left of them but a skull with a little hair adhering to the scalp.

«Jeepers!» said Brodsky, «and if you start beefing, he’ll put you there, too. Give me time — I’ll try to think of some way to rumble his line.»

«Make way!» shouted a huge bewhiskered retainer. The three dodged as the man ran past them, carrying a large stone, smoking from the fire, in a pair of tongs. The man dashed into the alcove. There was a splash and a loud hiss. Another retainer followed with a second stone while the first was on his return trip. In a few minutes all the stones had been transferred to the bathtub. Shea looked around the screen and saw that the water was steaming gently.

Cuchulainn sauntered past into the bathroom and tested the water with an inquisitive finger. «That will do, dears.»

The retainers picked the stones out of the water with their tongs and piled them in the corner, then went around from behind the screen. Cuchulainn reached up to pull off his tunic, then saw Shea. «I am going to undress for the bath,» he said. «Surely, you would notbe wanting to remain here, now.»

Shea turned back into the main room just in time to see Brodsky smack one fist into the other palm.

«Got it!»

«Got what?» said Shea.

«How to needle his hot tomato.» He looked around, then pulled Shea and Belphebe closer. «Listen, the big shot putting the scram on you now just reminded me. The minute he makes a serious pass at you, Belle, you gotta go into a strip-tease act. In public, where everybody can get a gander at it.»

Belphebe gasped. Shea asked, «Are you out of your head? That sounds to me like trying to put a fire out with gasoline.»

«I tell you he can’t take it!» Brodsky’s voice was low but urgent. «They can’tnone of them. One time when this guy was going to put the slug on everyone at the court, the King sent out a bunch of babes with bare knockers, and they nearly had to pick him up in a basket.»

«I like this not,» said Belphebe, but Shea said, «A nuditytaboo! That could be part of a culture pattern, all right. Do they all have it?»

«Yeh, and but good,» said Brodsky. «They even croak of it. What gave me the tip was him putting the chill on you before he started to undress — he was doing you afavor.»

Cuchulainn stepped out of the alcove, buckling a belt around a fresh tunic, emerald-green with embroidery of golden thread. He scrubbed his long hair with a towel and ran a comb through it, while Laeg took his place behind the screen.

Belphebe said, «Is there to bebut one water for all?»

Cuchulainn said, «There is plenty of soapwort. Cleanliness is good for beauty.» He glanced at Brodsky. «The slave can bathe in the trough outside.»

«Listen.» began Brodsky, but Shea put a hand on his arm, and to cover up, asked, «Do your druids use spells of transportation — from one place to another?»

«There is little a good druid cannot do — but I would advise you not to use the spells of Cathbadh unless you are a hero as well as a maker of magic, for they arc very mighty.»

He turned to watch the preparations for dinner with a sombre satisfaction. Laeg presentlyappeared, his toilet made, and from another direction one of the women brought garments which she took into the bathroom for Shea and Belphebe. Shea started to follow his wife, but remembered what Brodsky had said about the taboo, and decided not to take a chance on shocking his hosts. She came out soon enough in a floor-length gown that clung to her all over, and he noted with displeasure that it was the same green and embroidered pattern as Cuchulainn’s tunic.