Jeaniene Frost: Halfway to the Grave

“I don’t have a boss.” Each word was poison. There was no need to be polite. “You want to know why I smell like a human and a vampire? Because that’s what I am. Years ago, my mother went on a date with what she thought was a nice guy. He turned out to be a vampire, and he raped her. Five months later there was me, premature but fully developed, with a whole slew of funky abilities. When she finally told me about my father, I promised her I’d kill every vampire I found to make up for it. To ensure no one else suffered what she had to. She’s been afraid to leave her home ever since! I hunt for her, and the only thing I regret about dying now is that I didn’t take more of you with me!”

My voice rose until I screamed the last part, hurling the words in his face. I closed my eyes and braced for the killing blow.

Nothing. No sound, no strike, no pain. After a moment I peeked to see him standing exactly where he’d been. He tapped his chin with his finger and looked at me with an expression that could only be described as thoughtful.

“Well?” Fear and resignation strained my voice to the breaking point. “Kill me already, you pathetic suck-neck!”

That earned me an amused glance. “Ass-munch. Suck-neck. You kiss your mum with that mouth?”

“Don’t you talk about my mother, murderer! Your kind isn’t fit to speak of her!”

A ghost of a smile hovered on his lips. “Bit of the pot calling the kettle black, isn’t it? I’ve seen you do murder. And if what you’re telling me is true, you’re the same kind I am.”

I shook my head. “I am nothing like your kind! You’re all monsters, preying on innocent people and caring nothing about the lives you wreck. The vampires I killed attacked me-it was their bad luck I was ready for them. I might have some of this cursed blood in my veins, but at least I was using it to-”

“Oh, stick a sock in it already,” he interrupted me with an irritated tone you’d use to scold a child. “You always ramble on so? No wonder your dates went right for your throat. Can’t say as I blame them.”

Speechless, I gaped at him. With absolute clarity I understood the phrase adding insult to injury. First he’d slapped me soundly, now he was going to slander me before murdering me.

“I hate to interrupt your sympathy session over the other dead vampires, but are you going to be killing me soon or what?” Brave words, I thought. At least it beat sniveling.

Faster than I could blink, his mouth was at the pounding pulse in my neck. Everything inside me froze as I felt the unmistakable graze of teeth. Please don’t let me beg. Please don’t let me beg.

Abruptly he leaned back again, leaving me trembling in relief and fear. One eyebrow cocked upward at me.

“In a hurry to die, are you? Not before you answer a few more questions.”

“What makes you think I will?”

A curl of his mouth preceded his response.

“Believe me, you’ll like it much more if you do.”

I cleared my throat and tried to slow my heartbeat. No need to keep ringing the dinner bell for him.

“What do you want to know? Maybe I’ll tell you.”

That little smirk widened. Nice to know one of us was having a good time.

“Brave little Kitten, I’ll give you that. Right, then. Suppose I believe you’re the offspring of a human and a vampire. Almost unheard of, but we’ll get back to that. Then let’s say I believe you troll clubs hunting us evil deads to avenge your mum. The question remains, how did you know what to use to kill us? It’s not an open secret. Most humans think good old wood will do it. But not you. You’re telling me you’ve never dealt with vampires before, except to kill them?”

In the midst of all that was occurring, my life over and a horrible death looming in front of me, I spoke the first words that popped into my mind.

“You got anything to drink around here? Nothing with clots in it, I mean, or that can be classified as O-negative or B-positive. Hmm?”

He let out an amused snort. “Thirsty, luv? What a coincidence. So am I.”

With those frightening words, he pulled a flask out of his jacket and placed the rim against my lips, tilting it. My manacled hands were useless, so I wrapped my teeth around it and used them for leverage. It was whiskey and it burned slightly going down, but I kept swallowing until the last drop trickled down my throat. Sighing, I released my bite and let the flask drop back into his hand.

He held it upside down, apparently bemused by its lack of contents. “If I’d known you were such a lush, I’d have given you the cheap stuff. Going to go out with a bang, are you?”

I shrugged as much as my raised arms would allow.

“What’s the matter? Did I ruin my flavor for you? I’m sure I’ll be turning over in my grave worrying that you didn’t like how I tasted. I hope you choke on my blood, you jerk.”

That drew more laughter. “Good form, Kitten! But enough stalling. How did you know what to use if no vampire told you?”

Another modified shrug. “I didn’t. Oh, I’d read a hundred books or more about our…your kind after hearing about my father. They all varied. Some said crosses, sunlight, wood, or silver. It was pure luck, really. One night a vampire approached me at a club and then took me for a drive. Of course, he couldn’t have been nicer, right up until he tried to eat me alive. I made up my mind that I was going to kill him or die trying, and the big cross dagger was all I had on me. It worked, though it took a bit of doing. So, presto, I knew about silver. Later I found that wood didn’t work at all. Got myself a nice scar on the thigh to prove it. That vamp laughed when he saw my stake. Clearly, he wasn’t afraid of wood. Then when I was making caramel apples it occurred to me to hide the silver in something a vampire would think was harmless. It didn’t seem like such a stretch. Most of you are so busy eyeing my neck, you don’t see me pull out my pointy friend. There you have it.”

He shook his head slowly back and forth as if uncomprehending. Finally, he fixed piercing eyes on me and burst out, “Are you telling me bloody caramel apples and books taught you how to kill vampires? Is that what you’re saying?”

He started to pace in short, rapid lengths. “It’s a damn good thing most of the recent generations are nearly illiterate or we’d all be in serious trouble. Blimey!” Throwing back his head, he laughed in rich, deep peals of mirth. “That’s the funniest bleedin’ bit I’ve heard in decades!” Still chuckling, he returned until he was next to me again.

“How did you know he was a vampire when you saw him? Did you know, or did you not find out until he tried to have an artery party?”

Artery party? Well, that was one way to put it. “Honestly, I don’t know how I knew. I just did. For starters, your kind looks different. All of you do. Your skin looks…ethereal, almost. You move different, more purposefully. And when I’m near you, I feel it in the air, like static electricity. Happy now? Heard what you wanted?” Desperately I tried to hang on to my courage, but this chattering was eating away at it. Being flippant was all I had left.

“Almost. How many vampires have you killed? Don’t lie to me, or I’ll know it.”

Pursing my lips, I considered lying despite the warning. Would it be better if he thought I’d only killed a couple? Maybe it wouldn’t make any difference. If he could tell I was lying, perhaps he’d do more than just kill me. There were so many things worse than death…

“Sixteen, including your friend from last night.” Honesty won out.

“Sixteen?” he repeated in disbelief, looking me over thoroughly again. “Sixteen vampires you took out yourself with nothing but a stake and your cleavage? Makes me ashamed of my kind, it does.”