Richelle Mead - THORN QUEEN

“Um, hey, you guys?” I said. “Can we just get this taken care of? Tell me more about the ali-whatever. Have you both seen them?”

They nodded. “They’re short with big eyes,” Trisha said triumphantly.

“But they wear paisley suit coats,” added Wil. “And they do chores at night.”

“Doesn’t sound so bad to me,” murmured Kiyo. “Why get rid of them?”

“Kobolds,” I said after a moment’s thought. “You’ve got kobolds.”

“There is no known planet by that name,” argued Trisha.

I sighed. “Just take me to your basement.”

Trisha led us through the house, and Wil drifted over beside me. “Isn’t she amazing?” I swear he was on the verge of swooning.

“Your first girlfriend?” I asked.

“How’d you know?”

“Instinct.” Engaging Wil in conversation was always dangerous, but seeing as he never left the house or had much social interaction, I just had to ask the next question. “How’d you guys meet?”

“On a forum. We were both in this thread and kept arguing about whether there was a government connection between the overdoses of Marilyn Monroe and Heath Ledger, and then we-”

“Okay,” I said, grimacing. “That’s enough. Really.”

We reached the basement door, and Trisha started to go down. “Don’t,” I warned. “You guys need to stay up here.” I gave Wil a stern look. “Don’t let her down there until we’re done. You of all people know I’m not fucking around.”

Wil blanched further-if that was possible-and gave a hasty nod. Wil had traveled with me to the Otherworld and fully understood the perils of my job. I could hear Trisha arguing with him as Kiyo and I descended the stairs, yet somehow, Wil managed to do his job and keep her away.

“I never thought it was possible,” said Kiyo, once we were out of earshot. “He’s found and fallen in love with someone exactly like him. I guess there really is someone for everyone.”

“She’s a little more assertive than he is, I think.”

“Good. He needs it.”

“On the bright side, this’ll be cake. Kobolds aren’t an issue.”

Kiyo nodded his agreement but wrinkled his nose when we reached the bottom of the steps. “They’re bad-smelling ones, though.”

The basement wasn’t finished and bore the usual clutter one found in such places. Lots of hiding spots for kobolds. I pulled on a hanging chain, and a bare bulb offered meager illumination. Taking out my wand, I extended my arm and swept the whole basement.

“By the earth and fire you serve, I command you to reveal yourselves.”

Shamanic magic tingled from me, through the wand and its gems, and into the room. A moment later, three forms materialized. They were about three-feet high, male, and hardly resembled the big-eyed aliens popular in modern culture. These guys were wizened, with patchy yellow hair. Wil’s comment about the paisley coats wasn’t entirely accurate either. One wore plaid.

“Why did you call us out?” the one in plaid demanded in a high-pitched voice. “We haven’t done anything to you. We haven’t done anything to anyone.”

“You guys, you can’t stay here,” I said. “Not in this house. It’s not yours. This world isn’t yours.” I was a stickler for world ownership.

“We’re helping,” argued one of the paisley ones. “Do you know how messy these people are? Books and paper everywhere.”

If Trisha’s house had resembled Wil’s before the kobolds arrived, I could well imagine it. Kobolds were kind of like benign goblins, originating in northern Europe and rarely given to maliciousness unless provoked. My hope was that they could simply be talked into leaving.

“That’s really nice and all, but I mean it: you can’t stay here. I’ve got to send you back to the Otherworld. Give me a hard time about it, and I’ll make it the Underworld.”

The plaid one scowled. “You’re as cruel as they say, Eugenie Thorn Queen. We’ve done nothing to deserve this.”

I tried not to scowl right back. Before learning about my gentry blood, I’d often conducted shamanic business under the pseudonym Odile Dark Swan. It was what Otherworld denizens had known and feared me as. I wasn’t thrilled to know that no part of my identity was a secret anymore.

“You guys, I am not screwing around. You know who I am. You know what I can do, so stop wasting time.” Wand still in hand, I began to channel an opening to the Otherworld. “You can’t take on both of us, let alone one.”

“No,” agreed the other paisley one. “But he can.”

“He-ahh!”

Furry hands reached around from behind me just seconds after Kiyo exclaimed, “Eugenie!”

Kiyo was normally on high alert but had been as cocky as me about dealing with the kobolds. His attention had been on them, and he hadn’t sensed the other threat lurking in the basement. Well, that wasn’t entirely true. Kiyo had scented this creature, if the odor emanating from its hands and arms was any indication. He just hadn’t made the connection.

I still didn’t have a good look at my furry-armed captor, seeing as I was still struggling to break free of its grasp. Kiyo was on it in a flash, needing no weapons save his own brute strength. His hands closed around the creature’s arms, and he managed to pull them loose enough for me to slip out of its grip. Once free, I was able to get a good look. It was a…

Huh.

I wasn’t really sure. It was furry, brown, and tall, with rounded ears like a mouse or bear and hooves like a deer and a whole other assortment of random animal parts. It gave a strangled roar of displeasure, and I braced for it to turn back on me. Usually, that was how it worked. Creatures who came after me usually had one of two goals: either rape me on the spot or kill me to prevent me from fulfilling the prophecy.

But Smokey the Bear, or whatever it was, was going after Kiyo, ignoring me while the kobolds watched gleefully. Kiyo socked the creature hard in the chest, and I noticed a faint ripple of light spread through it that faded quickly. Smokey then returned with a punch that took Kiyo hard in the face and sent him toward the wall. It was hard, too-that punch had been meant to kill. Kiyo’s reflexes were too fast, though, and he caught himself before his skull could smash against the solid concrete.

I leapt into the fight then, pulling out my Glock. I’d loaded it with silver bullets earlier and was glad I’d done so. I got off a couple of shots into the monster. Each time, I saw its form ripple, but it still didn’t come after me. It was too intent on killing Kiyo. The two grappled further, and I continued firing, knowing I had to be weakening it. Nonetheless, one lucky blow knocked Kiyo off his feet and onto his back. The kobolds cheered when he remained still.

Me, I screamed in rage, taking my wand in my other hand and facing the furry monstrosity head-on. It attempted no killing blows on me and merely kept trying to get a hold of me as I fired and began the banishing words. Suddenly, Kiyo was on his feet again, thrusting himself between us.

“Stay the hell away from her!” he snarled. I saw all the muscles in his body tense and had a feeling he was on the verge of shape-shifting.

Smokey looked angry and turned into full assault mode again. “Get out of the way,” I said. “I’ve got him.”

“I’m not letting him lay a hand on you,” retorted Kiyo, eyes fixed on his foe. A flash of gold glimmered in Kiyo’s eyes. Gold like a fox’s.

“He’s not trying to kill or rape me,” I argued, as Kiyo dodged another crushing blow. “He wants to subdue me-you he wants to kill.”

But Kiyo was dead set on protecting me, and I finally decided he’d be safest if I hurried up and just finished the banishing rather than attempt to protect him. Firmly channeling my power into the wand, I again began opening a gate to the Otherworld. As I did, though, I kept thinking about those ripples I saw when I’d attacked the beast, like it couldn’t quite stay together. An idea struck me, and rather than direct the banishing magic into ripping open the fabric of this world, I directed it toward Smokey-or, rather, toward the Otherworldly magic holding Smokey together. Kiyo sprang away from the fight, realizing what I was going to do.