Robin Hobb - Renegade's Magic

He paused and we exchanged a look. I suspected the men would have been more alarmed than Epiny. “Amzil wasn’t there, but Epiny’s note was. I scooped it up before anyone else saw it. I called in a neighbor’s housekeeper, one of Epiny’s whistle brigade, to keep an eye on the children for me. We were headed back to headquarters when we encountered Amzil, coming back from market. The men arrested her and took her immediately to Captain Thayer.” His words halted and I knew he didn’t wish to elaborate.

“And then you came here?”

“No! I longed to, but knew that I could not leave Amzil to face him alone.” He looked aside from me. “I did what I could to protect her, Nevare, but she didn’t make it easy. I came with those men, almost like I was leading them to her.” Then his eyes came up to meet mine. “I tried to tell her to be calm. She wouldn’t listen to me. I gave her what protection I could. It wasn’t enough.”

I suddenly felt cold and my ears rang. “What do you mean?” I asked faintly.

“She fought them. They had to drag her. She was kicking and fighting and spitting, screaming to everyone on the street that Thayer was finally going to kill her and rape her like he’d threatened to do. I’ve never seen a woman act like that; it was more like watching a cornered wildcat. Fear, but plenty of hatred, too. As soon as they had her in the Captain’s office, the woman accused her. ‘She’s the one, she killed my husband, and buried him in one of the old buildings in Dead Town. I know she done it, ’cause I sent him out to beg some food of her, when she had plenty and we had nothing. And she killed him and run off. Took me weeks to find his grave. My poor, dear husband. All he wanted was food.’ And the widow broke down in tears.”

“Did Amzil deny it?”

“She wouldn’t say a word. And that other woman sat there, rocking and crying and moaning from time to time, and the Captain started questioning Amzil. ‘Did you do it? Did you kill this woman’s husband?’ And instead of answering him, she started firing questions back at him: ‘Did you strike an unarmed man while others held him for you? Did you keep silent when troops under your command said they would rape me in front of the man I loved? Did you yourself suggest that you would rape me after I was dead, as vengeance on the man you intended to murder?’ For every question he asked her, she asked him a worse one. I think she knew she was facing death and was determined to cut him as deep as she could on the way. In front of every officer in his command, she accused him of those things.”

I couldn’t find breath to ask him what had happened. His repetition of her words “in front of the man I loved” had burned into me like acid.

“The Captain was roused into a fury. He said to her, ‘Tell me the truth, or I’ll have it flogged out of you.’ Then she challenged him. ‘You don’t need a whip. By the good god, if you tell the truth, I vow I will. And if you won’t, then you have no right to question me.’ And it just got cold silent in that room. Everyone looking at him, because most of them knew that what she said about him was true. And then he blurted out, ‘You are right. I will tell the truth and have it be over. I did those things. The deceit of a woman made me do those things. I am guilty.’ And once he’d said it, Amzil looked him straight in the eye and said, ‘I killed that man because he was going to kill me and my children and take our food.’”

“So she told the truth. It was self-defense.”

“I don’t doubt that. I don’t think anyone could doubt it. But it wasn’t enough to save her. Nevare, Captain Thayer has sentenced her to hang tomorrow. And he has sentenced himself to receive fifty lashes for conduct unbecoming an officer. He was so calm when he announced it, like he welcomed the opportunity. He spoke like he was giving an address, saying that he was going to accept the responsibility for failing his men and leading them into evil that night. He said that the good god had already punished many of them, that the Speck raid was the good god cleansing evil from our midst. And he said he would finish what the good god had begun, with an act of atonement for his role in the evil.”

“That wasn’t the good god. That was the Specks, plain and simple.” I swallowed and then forced the truth from my lips. “That was me. Soldier’s Boy me.”

Spink made no response to my words. As the silence stretched, I finally found my voice. “I was there that night.”

Spink stared off into the distance. His voice was tight when he said, “I know. I saw you.”

“I know that you didn’t kill me, when you could have.”

“I—” he began, and then stopped again.

“My other self, my Speck self. He planned the raid. He targeted Thayer’s men. That was the first barracks we went to. I couldn’t stop him, Spink, or I would have.”

“You—he butchered them. Like animals in a slaughterhouse chute. They were found in a heap near the charred ruins. They never had a chance.”

“I know. I was there. But I swear, Spink, it wasn’t me. I’ll swear by anything you like. I could not have done it.” I gave a strangled laugh. “He took all my hatred and lust for vengeance. And he seems to have kept it. Even now, I cannot rouse the hatred I should feel for Thayer. All I can think is that he was caught up by all of it, just as I was. Tortured and twisted by the magic. Made to do its will.”

Spink swallowed. “Perhaps I hate him enough for both of us. I liked him, when I first got here. He was a good officer.”

“I don’t doubt that,” I said quietly.

“What are we going to do about Amzil?”

“I don’t know. Do you really think Thayer would hang a woman? Would the other officers stand by while he did that?”

Before Spink could reply, Kesey returned with a dripping bucket of cold water. Spink drank deeply and thanked him. Then Epiny emerged from the cabin. Her smile blossomed at the sight of Spink and me sitting together. As she came toward us, carrying her sleeping baby and making motions that we should keep quiet, she looked more beautiful than I had ever seen her. She was thin, and her hair was still in a shambles from the cart ride. Her dress was not stylish and it was dusty from the trip. But her face glowed with love and satisfaction, and it broke my heart that Spink’s news was going to destroy that for her as well.

She had gone only a few steps before she read trouble in Spink’s face. Her smile faded as she hurried up to him. “What is it? Are the children all right?”

“Kesey, I’ll need to borrow that shirt, if I may,” I said to him. I think he was just as glad to withdraw as I was while Spink recounted the disaster to Epiny.

By the time I emerged from the cabin wearing a shirt that wouldn’t button around my neck and a pair of trousers that were too short for me, tears were running down Epiny’s face. She leaned on Spink, not sobbing but silently weeping. Spink held his daughter and patted his wife’s shoulder. I put my old clothes and my nondescript sword into the back of the cart. I turned to Kesey.

“I have to go back to town with them. Kesey, I’ll never be able to repay you for what you’ve done for me today. But that won’t stop me from trying.”

“Oh, I didn’t do anything big for you, Nevare. Just what a man does for his fellow soldier.” He cocked his head at me. “You going to try to clear your name? I’d sure like that. You could come back and take your cabin and your job back; you’re much better at it than I am. I actually miss living in the barracks; you believe that?”

“Oh, I believe it.” I shook his hand, then clapped him on the shoulder. “I don’t know what I’m going to do, Kesey. But thanks.”