Rob Thurman - Roadkill

“Don’t I suffer enough?” Niko retorted. “He can easily outshoot any policeman on the New York City Police Department, but he can’t hit a target the size of a small watermelon from less than a foot away? Do you think yellow is actually a paint color I would choose for the bathroom wall behind the toilet if I had any other choice?” he asked with a resigned twitch of his lip.

This would’ve gone on for a while. It had in the past, but Abelia-Roo’s RV rolled up beside us. She stepped out a minute later, which happened to be at the same time Salome, who must have found the homeless guy too boring a prey, jumped up on the trunk of the Eldorado. The old Rom’s eyes, the spray of wrinkles around them deepening in disgust, flickered over us. “A traitor, an unholy half-breed, a goat, and a dog.” She nodded toward Salome. “The dead cat could do better than the four of you combined, I have little doubt.”

“Dog?” Delilah snarled with a genuine rumbling wolf growl. “Withered frog of old woman, will rip your arms and legs like sticks, tear your throat, piss in your foul mouth, then you know Wolf, not dog .”

Abelia shook her dusty black skirt and toyed with the earrings cascading in silvery chandeliers from her drooping earlobes while she flashed toothless gums in a superior smirk. “I have the finest and most special of herbs for a flea bath. Best among all the Rom. I’ll sell to you at the lowest price to be found. My word and my promise.”

And just like that, we were on the verge of a Rom banquet for Delilah while the rest of us ate French toast and omelets-right in the middle of the IHOP parking lot. Not that I had a problem with Delilah eating Abelia-Roo; there were simply better places for it. Canton, Ohio, was not New York. The weird, strange, the out-of-place; it would get noticed here. And we were all three. I got between Delilah and the old woman while Niko ushered our beloved employer back into her Candy Land RV.

“If you want to come with us, you can’t eat her,” I told Delilah, “at least not until after the job is over. Then snacks all around for all I care.”

She bared her teeth, but moved away back to her motorcycle and leaned against it as if Abelia wasn’t worthy of being eaten. Stringy. Maybe spoiled and maggoty in the heat. That settled, I tossed the paper to Niko when he came back to the car. “All ten kids are dead,” I said. Ten kids had been minding their own business. Then a truck drove by, and now those kids were headed six feet under-not to prom; not to homecoming; not to the science fair. They were gone for good. “Abelia tell you anything? How this could happen?”

Niko took his breakfast and started on it, although he didn’t look too enthusiastic. As it turned out, it had less to do with the cooking than with what Abelia-Roo had reluctantly admitted when he’d backed her into a corner. “It seems that our employer will admit the seals she spoke of earlier may be weakening through, of course, no fault of hers-of course,” he repeated, and Niko was not much on repeating himself. “It could only be that the zinc and iron powder she was sold was contaminated. How can she be held responsible for gadje selling chemicals that are inferior, less than pure?” The bite he took of his omelet was smooth and controlled, but if he’d let himself, he would’ve stabbed at the egg angrily. But that wasn’t my brother.

“Suyolak was able to do this shit just because one of Abelia’s subpar seals has the coffin leaking like a rusty hazardous waste barrel?” I asked, not particularly surprised-by Abelia or our luck.

“Now think what he can do if he gets out of the coffin,” Niko offered as he continued carving off pieces of his eggs with careful, controlled motions. “Nearly a thousand years of rage simmered to the sharpest of storming insanity. Damage so catastrophic that the Black Death will look like a forty-eight-hour flu.”

“So stocking up on cough medicine isn’t going to do us any good.” I’d reclaimed my seat before Salome could. Not that I got sick; I had an Auphe souped- up immune system, but I had the feeling that this Suyolak guy could take my immune system and tear through it like tissue paper. He might forget disease altogether and go for stopping my heart, burst vessels in my brain, or if that was too mundane, he could instead tie my intestines in a bow. I was sure he’d had a long time to think of a whole mass of party tricks.

“Not a good deal, no,” my brother responded dryly, “which is why we’ll need Rafferty. We’ll also need to know if the truck is still on the Lincoln or not.”

“The waitress didn’t happen to mention a truck and a coffin, did she? A man weeping into his pancakes over his dying relative or just weeping fluids in general, green and puslike, perhaps?” Robin finished off his waffles, unfazed by his self-painted image. “And did she happen to be hot? Stunning? Worthy of a shred of my attention?”

“Believe it or not, no, she didn’t see anything. No big black trucks that anyone saw. And, yeah, she was hot… in that I-never-saw-a-sheet-cake-I-didn’t-like kind of way. I’d never seen knuckle hair on a woman before. Go for it. I’m sure Ishiah would understand your leap off the monogamy diving board into that pool.”

I opened my bag and had my French toast, cream cheese, blueberry deluxe down in three minutes flat. “So what now? Keep following the Lincoln?” And keep checking the Internet via Niko’s BlackBerry for disease outbreaks. Those were about our only choices. Canton wasn’t New York, but it was still far too big a city to stop at every gas station to ask questions.

“Go west, young man,” Robin confirmed with a yawn as he balled up the trash, tossed it at me, and took advantage of the free backseat to stretch out again.

Salome eyed me in the passenger seat, her grin less cheerful than usual, but she settled down on Robin’s stomach. And that had me wondering… I looked around the parking lot, double-checking, and groaned, “Oh damn,” at the sight of a limp body hanging over the edge of a Dumpster. “You psycho cat from Hell, you didn’t…” The legs at the Dumpster kicked and the homeless guy came back out with a prize of several bags of leftovers.

“Calm down,” Robin said dismissively. “She doesn’t kill humans.”

“How do you know for sure?” Niko asked pointedly.

“Because I spray her with a water bottle if she does. Very effective.”

Delilah, back on her Harley, pulled up on my side of the car. “Ride with me?” She patted the seat behind her with a coy smile. “Vibration can be interesting. Very interesting.”

I would bet it could. Delilah and I cruising down the highway, with me sitting in the politically incorrect “bitch seat”… There’d be some serious vibrations all right, but I just couldn’t do it. If she didn’t kill me, Nik would for giving her the opportunity. “Sorry,” I said. “I’m not sure I’m that secure in my masculinity.”

She gave a snort down her elegant nose. “True. Why would you be?” Then she roared off while I continued to sit in a pimpmobile with fuzzy dice, feeling an odd kinship with the soft and easily squashed dual fluff balls hanging from the mirror. “You know,” I exhaled, “I’ve had better times on a job.”

Niko started the car. “When?”

I thought about it, then gave up. He was right. They all sucked in their own unique way, although with the Kin trouble, I expected this one to stand out. “Why don’t you drive already?” I growled.

He raised an eyebrow, punishingly turned the radio on to something that made even Salome howl in terror, and we were off on the Leandros Road Trip to Hell.

Meditation led to control-sometimes. Other times, meditation led to naps in the warm sun that streamed over the convertible. Take it a little further and naps led to dreams. And when the dreams turned into a nightmare, I wasn’t much surprised. With my life? Get real.