Robin Hobb - Fool's Fate

"Take it!" Dutiful commanded me eagerly, and I had to. I had to feel, at least once, how my hand would fit where my father's had rested. As I took it from him, it felt near weightless. It perched in my hand like a bird. The moment I relieved Dutiful of it, he stepped to the table and took up Verity's sword. I heard his exclamation of satisfaction, and grinned as he gripped it two-handed and swept it through the air. These blades were proper swords, as fit to shear through flesh as skewer some vulnerable point. For a time, we were both like boys as we moved the blades in a variety of ways, from the small shifts of the hand and wrist that would block and divert an opponent's thrust to a reckless overhand slash by Dutiful that stopped just short of the scrolls on the tabletop. Chivalry's blade fit me. There was satisfaction in that, even as I realized how woefully unworthy my skills were to a weapon such as this. I was little more than competent with a sword. I wondered how the abdicated king would have felt to know that his only son was defter with an axe than with a sword, and more inclined to use poison than either of those. It was a disheartening line of thought, but before I could give in to that blight, Dutiful was at my side, comparing his blade to mine. "Chivalry's is longer!"

"He was taller than Verity. Yet this blade, I think, is lighter. Verity had the brawn to put behind a heavy stroke, and so I think Hod made his weapon. It will be interesting to see which weapon fits you best when you are grown."

He took my meaning instantly. "Fitz. I gave you that sword to keep. I mean it."

I nodded. "And I thank you for that thought. But I shall have to be satisfied with the intention in place of the reality. This is a king's sword, Dutiful. It's not for a guardsman, let alone an assassin, or a bastard. See, look here, on the hilt. The Farseer buck, large and plain. It's on Verity's too, but smaller. Even so, I wrapped the hilt in leather to disguise it in the years after the Red Ship War. Anyone who had seen it would have known it couldn't properly belong to me. This would be even more obvious." Regretfully and respectfully, I set it down on the worktable.

Dutiful deposited Verity's blade carefully beside it. A stubborn look came over his face. "How can I take my father's sword from you, if you won't take Chivalry's from me? My father gave you that blade. He meant you to have it."

"I'm sure he did, at that moment. And for many years, it has served me well. To see it in your hands will serve me even better. I know that Verity would agree with me. For now, Chivalry's blade we should both set aside. When you are crowned, your nobles will expect to see the king's sword on your hip." Dutiful scowled in thought. "Didn't King Shrewd have a sword? What became of it?"

"Doubtless he did. As to what became of it, I've no idea. Perhaps Patience had the right of it; perhaps Regal sold it or carried it off for other scavengers to steal after he died. In any case, it's gone. When the time comes for you to ascend the throne, I think you should carry the king's sword. And when you sail for Aslevjal, I think you should wear your father's sword."

"I shall. But won't folk wonder where I got it?"

"I doubt it. We'll have Chade put out some tale that he has been holding it for you. Folk love stories of that sort. They'll be happy to accept it."

He nodded thoughtfully, then said slowly, "It takes some of the pleasure from it, that you cannot carry Chivalry's sword as openly as I shall carry this one."

"For me also," I replied with painful honesty. "Would that I could, Dutiful. But that is simply how it is. I've a sword given to me by Lord Golden, also of a quality that exceeds my skill. I'll carry that. If I ever lift a blade to defend you, it had better be an axe."

He looked down, pondering. Then he set his hand to the hilt of Chivalry's sword. "Until the day when you give this sword back to me, on the day I am crowned, I wish it to remain here with you." He took a breath. "And when I take your father's sword from you, I will return my father's sword to you." That was a gesture I could not refuse.

Soon he left as he had come, taking Verity's sword with him. I made myself a fresh cup of tea and sat considering my father's blade. I tried to think what it meant to me, but encountered only a curious absence inside myself. Even my recent discovery that he had not ignored me, but had Skill-watched me through his brother's eyes, did not make up for his physical absence in my life. Perhaps he had loved me from afar, but Burrich had been the one to discipline me and Chade the one to teach me. I looked at the blade and groped for a sense of connection, for any emotion at all, but could not find one. By the time I had finished my tea, I still had no answer, nor was I completely certain what my question was. But I had resolved that I would find time to see Hap again before I departed.

I went to bed, successfully claiming the pillow from Gilly. Nonetheless, I slept badly, and even that poor rest was interrupted. Nettle edged into my dreams like a child reluctantly seeking comfort. It was a peculiar contrast. In my dream, I was crossing a steep scree slope from my sojourn in the mountains. I had crossed this avalanche-prone incline carrying the Fool's lax body. I was not so burdened in my dream, but the mountainside seemed steeper and the fall eternal. Loose pebbles shifted treacherously under my feet. At any moment I might go sliding off the face of the mountain like the small stones rattling past me. My muscles ached with tension and sweat streamed down my back. Then I caught a flash of motion at the corner of my eye. I turned my head slowly, for I dared risk no swift movement. I discovered Nettle sitting calmly uphill from me, watching my agonized progress.

She sat amongst grass and wildflowers. Her gown was green and her hair decked with tiny daisies. Even to my father's eyes, she looked more woman than child, but she sat like a little girl, her knees drawn up under her chin and her arms clasped around her legs. Her feet were bare and her eyes troubled.

Such was our dichotomy. I still struggled to retain my footing on the unstable slope. In her dream, adjoining mine, she sat in a mountain meadow. Her presence forced me to admit that I dreamed, and yet I could not surrender the exertion of my nightmare. I did not know if I feared I would be swept to my death or thrust into wakefulness. So, "What is it?" I called to her as I continued my inching progress across the mountain's face. It mattered not how many steps I took: solid ground remained ever distant, while Nettle kept her place above me. "My secret," she said quietly. "It gnaws at me. So I have come to ask your advice."

She paused but I did not reply. I did not want to know her secret, or to offer advice. I could not commit myself to helping her. Despite the dream, I knew I was leaving Buckkeep soon. Even if I stayed, I could not venture into her life without the risk of destroying it. Better to remain a vague dream-thing on the edge of her reality. Despite my silence, she spoke to me.

"If someone gives her word to keep silent about a thing, not realizing how much pain it will bring, not just to herself but to others, is she bound to keep her word?"

That was too grave a question to leave unanswered. "You know the answer to that," I panted. "A woman's word is her word. She keeps it, or it is worth nothing."

"But I did not know the trouble it would cause when I gave it. Nim goes about like half a creature. I did not know that Mama would blame Papa, or that Papa would take to drink over it, blaming himself more deeply than she does."

I halted. It was dangerous to do so, but I turned to face her. Her words had plummeted me into a deeper danger than the chasm that yawned below me. I spoke carefully. "And you think you've found a way around the word you gave. To tell me what you promised not to tell them."