James Galloway - The Tower of Sorcery

"Why did it start to hurt?"

"Our bodies are fragile, young one," she said. "They were never made to withstand so much power. That pain you felt is what happens when a Sorcerer attempts to do something beyond his ability. If I had not cut you off, the energy would have built up, and the pain become worse, until it would have destroyed you."

Tarrin blinked. "Consumed?"

She nodded. "Let us calm down, then try again. This time, when you feel the Weave connect to you, hold it at bay. You must allow it in and push it away at the same time. The balance of them is what will determine how much energy you allow to fill you." He nodded, remembering that he used the trick of reaching out and pulling in at the same time to make the connection. It was only logical, in the illogical sense of Sorcery, to have to draw in and push out at the same time to resist the flood of the magic. "Why were you so angry before?"

"I've been sitting here for four days fighting to touch the Weave, and I was doing it with my eyes closed ," he said in disgust.

Dolanna considered it for a moment, then she laughed wryly. "You are too grounded in your senses," she realized. "Unless you could see what you were reaching for, you would fail. Your Were nature makes it difficult for you to work with anything that you can't experience with your natural senses, and the Sorcerer's unnatural sense dealing with the Weave is unfamiliar to it."

He nodded sourly. "Four days of aggravation for nothing," he growled. "I should have realized that closing my eyes was stopping me."

"You are still growing into your Were nature, my dear one," she said gently. "You still have much to learn. Do not kick yourself for things that you cannot know easily. But you should feel happy that you have done it," she told him, patting him on the shoulder. "Four days is very quick for an Initiate's first touching."

"I'd be happier if I didn't feel like an idiot," he grunted.

She chuckled. "As they say, the man who looks behind can see all, where the man who looks ahead only sees the bend in the road."

He blew out his breath, then finally managed to give a rueful chuckle. "Yes, well, it doesn't help," he told her.

"We still have a few hours, my dear one," she said, sitting back down. "Let us practice on touching the Weave. As you know, just one time is not enough to make it automatic. It is a learned skill, like any other. Once you make a touch, we will work on keeping your touch without losing control of it. We will also work on letting go. Your raw power will make that a vital lesson."

Tarrin looked over at her with a resolute expression. "Alright, let's get on with it."

He was expecting it to still be difficult, but much to his shock, the Weave was right there the next time he tried to touch it. He made contact immediately, and he felt the power rush into him. He tried to resist it, but it was like trying to dam a river with a blueberry bush. "Let go, Tarrin!" Dolanna barked. "Push it away!"

It was one of the hardest things he'd ever done. He stood in the face of that torrent of power, then he somehow did something between him and it, almost like cutting a cord with a knife. The power rush stopped, and he felt it drain harmlessly away from him. But it did cause him to have a momentary headache. "Good, Tarrin, good," she said. "You must still learn to resist, but you have managed to cut yourself off. You must still learn to let go of it on your own."

"Isn't that what I did?"

She shook her head. "You used your power to cut yourself off from the Weave," she explained. "You did to yourself what I did to you. You should simply let go of it, push it away from you. It would be much less unpleasant."

"Alright, let's try again," he said, blowing out his breath. He was starting to feel worn out. He reached out again, and once again, the Weave responded instantly to his call. He felt the power flood into him, and he gritted his teeth and stood fast against the torrent, then found purchase against it. He physically pushed out with his arms, and that helped his mind push the power away, faster than it was coming into him. He felt it slow, waver, and then it simply stopped. He blinked in confusion and looked to Dolanna, who was smiling slightly. "You let go of it, dear one," she explained. "Was that your intention?"

"No," he said in confusion. "I was just trying to stand against it."

"You are strong, my dear one," she said. "You tried to choke off the power, and instead choked it off completely. And I must say, I am impressed that you have managed to touch the Weave every time so far."

"It seems, easy," he said after thinking about it a moment. "It's just right there. It's like I was just trying to find it before, and now that I know where it is, it's very easy to touch."

"We shall see," she said with a smile. "Now, touch it again. This time, try to simply maintain your touch."

He nodded, reaching out for the Weave. And it was there for him. Again being flooded with magical power, this time he had an understanding of how it felt to control that power. Pushing against it with his will, he made it stop flowing into him, choking it down to the barest trickle. He already understood that if he totally choked it off, he would lose his connection to the Weave. It took effort. Alot of effort. Sweat formed on his brow as he worked to keep control of his power, fought against the raging torrent that was battering at his wall of willpower. "It's fighting me," he said shortly to his instructor.

"And it always will," she replied calmly. "You will learn how to keep control of it for long periods of time as you gain experience with it, dear one. It too is a learned skill. But for now, let it go."

With an explosive release of breath, Tarrin choked off the power, and let go of the Weave. He wiped his forehead with the furred back of a paw, feeling a bit winded. "I didn't realize that it was so much work," he told her.

"That is why you do not see very many portly Sorcerers," she said with a smile. "It is physical work to control the power."

"I noticed," he said. "Will it always feel this hard?"

"No, over time, you will strengthen your ability to control the power," she replied. "It will always be work, but it will seem less and less strenuous as time progresses. It is here where your strength works against you, dear one," she warned. "You have much more power to control than most others, and that means that it will tire you much more quickly until you learn how to manage it."

He considered her words for a moment. If other Sorcerers didn't feel that raging flood the way he did, he'd have to agree with her. It was like trying to hold back the tide, and what amazed him was that he could manage to do it. But he wasn't sure how long he could keep it up.

"Now, let us continue," she said. "Touch the Weave, and then let it go. And keep doing so until I tell you to stop."

When he left the training chamber a few hours later, he could barely walk. He felt so utterly exhausted that he could probably fall down and go right to sleep on the floor. He was too tired to even be happy over his successes for the day. Dolanna had been almost merciless in her instruction, making him touch the Weave, hold it for a moment, and then let it go, over and over and over. Tarrin never failed to touch the Weave, but as he began to tire, his control over it and his ability to let go of it began to get unstable. More than once, Dolanna had to step in and cut him off from the Weave. After she had to do it three times in a row, she finally relented and called it a day.

Numb with fatigue, Tarrin stumbled back to the north tower and to his room, taking almost half an hour to manage the three flights of stairs, and he crawled up onto his bed. He was too exhausted to take off his clothes, and it would be much faster, easier, and more comfortable to simply shapeshift and sleep in his cat form. It had never seemed like an effort to shapeshift before, but that time had nearly put him out. Once comfortably settled into his cat form, he flopped down on the pillow of his bed and fell immediately into a deep slumber.