Simon Green: The Good,the Bad and the Uncanny

He was striding up and down and back and forth, his long white robes flapping about him, raging and raving and brandishing his bony fists. I'd never seen anyone look so purely angry in my whole life. His footsteps were like thunder, slamming on the bare stone floor, and his every movement sent shock waves across the air, as his bearded face contorted with rage. His eyes bulged, and his long grey hair swept about his head as he snarled and roared. His hands worked fiercely, as though eager, desperate, to get a hold on whoever had provoked this fury in him. His presence filled the whole church like an endless ongoing explosion.

Larry and I stopped just inside the door. We both knew a real and present danger when we saw one.

"Who or what is that?" said Larry, leaning close to speak right into my ear.

"That is the Lord of Thorns," I said. "The original Overseer of the Nightside, first and final dispenser of truth and justice for all who live here. Last I saw, he was a broken old man, stripped of his power, nothing but the self-appointed caretaker of St. Jude's. He would appear to have got his mojo working again, and if you and I had any sense, we'd get the hell out of here before he notices us."

"The Lord of Thorns?" said Larry. "Really? I thought he was a myth, a legend."

"Anything can turn out to be true, in the Nightside."

"And you've met him before? What am I saying; of course you have. You're John Taylor. All right; fill me in. The short version, preferably."

"The Lord of Thorns was appointed to be judge and protector of the Nightside," I said patiently.

"Appointed by whom?"

"Who do you think?" I said, glancing about me.

"Oh. Sorry. Carry on."

"He was to be Overseer of the Great Experiment; the one place in the world where neither Good nor Evil could intervene directly. The Lord of Thorns was to be our last chance for truth, justice, and revenge; but some centuries back he went down into the World Beneath and slept a long, long sleep. Until I woke him up."

"Of course," said Larry. "It would have to be you."

"He reappeared in the Nightside just in time to go up against my mother in the Lilith War; and she slapped him down as though he was nothing. It broke his heart, and it broke his spirit; because if he wasn't the divinely appointed protector of the Nightside and its people, then what was he? Who was he? He came here, looking for answers; and from the look of him, I'd say he's finally found some."

"Don't think he liked them much," said Larry.

The Lord of Thorns didn't even know we were there. He raged back and forth inside the church, a giant of a man again, with eyes full of fire. So angry he couldn't speak, only utter great cries and roars of rage. His white robes blazed like the sun, and with his long grey hair and beard, he looked very much like an Old Testament prophet, back from the desert to tell us all the bad news. Every now and again, lightning would strike down on the church, discharging harmlessly into the stone floor and sparking the air with the scent of ozone.

The Lord of Thorns stopped abruptly and thrust out his right hand, and a long wooden staff appeared in it out of nowhere. I gaped with equal parts shock and amazement. This was no ordinary staff; supposedly it had been grown from a sliver taken from the original Tree of Life itself I had seen my mother, Lilith, take that staff from the Lord of Thorns and break it into pieces in her awful hands. Now here it was again, true and whole, powerful and potent; re-formed in the hand of the Lord of Thorns by his will alone.

"I am the stone that breaks all hearts. I am the nails that held the Christ to His cross. I am the necessary suffering that makes us all stronger. I maintain the Great Experiment, watching over it, and sitting in judgement on all who would endanger it, or tamper with its essential nature. I am the scalpel that cuts out infection, and the heart-break that makes men wiser. I am the Lord of Thorns, and I am back; and God help the guilty!"

His voice had the inhuman certainty of a man touched by something far greater.

"Welcome back," I said, stepping forward. "Now would you mind telling me what in God's name is going on here?"

He looked right at me, and his gaze stopped me dead in my tracks, as though he'd slammed a cold hand against my chest. I gave the Lord of Thorns my best friendly smile and hoped that he'd remember me. Preferably kindly.

"Walker!" The Lord of Thorns made a curse of his name. "This is all down to him! He betrayed me… I will strike him down for this crime, and the Authorities who ordered it!"

I looked at Larry. "Didn't you somehow know Walker was going to be behind all this?"

"Does seem to be his day," said Larry.

"The Authorities are dead," I said to the Lord of Thorns, with all the politeness I could muster. "Lilith's children killed and ate them all, during the War. There's a new Authorities now. Good people. Mostly."

"They'd better be," said the Lord of Thorns. The more he talked, the more human he seemed, his presence falling away to more bearable levels. Didn't make him any less scary, though. This one man had been set in judgement over the whole Nightside, with power to back it up; and he looked in the mood to pass judgement on every damned one of us.

"Excuse me for asking," I ventured, cautiously. "But what exactly has Walker done? What's made you so angry? And what brought you back from the… quiet man I met here last time?"

"That would be me," said Hadleigh Oblivion.

We all looked round sharply, and there he was, standing in the church doorway. In his long black leather coat, so dark it seemed made from a piece of the night itself, with his bone-white face and long mane of jet-black hair, his dark, unblinking eyes and his arrogantly cheerful smile, he looked utterly black and white; because there was no room for shades of grey in his world.

The world of the Detective Inspectre.

He seemed entirely unaffected by the Lord of Thorns' angry presence, or by the power that still blazed so very brightly inside the church. In fact, Hadleigh gave the distinct impression that he'd seen it all before and hadn't been impressed then. And perhaps he had; he was a product of the Deep School, after all. Hadleigh gave the impression that wherever he was, that was where he was supposed to be. He might not have possessed the power of the Lord of Thorns, but there was no doubt he was still a power in himself

He strode forward into the church, bowed slightly to the Lord of Thorns, nodded to me, and smiled easily at Larry.

"Hello, little brother. Sorry I couldn't make it to your funeral."

"Not many did," said Larry, staring openly at his older brother. "I ended up having to put flowers on my own grave. There wasn't any body in it, of course; I'm still using it. But our parents wanted a grave and a headstone and flowers, so that's what they got. Hell, they miss you more than they do me. Would it kill you to visit them once in a while?"

"I have duties and responsibilities," said Hadleigh. "And my time isn't always my own."

"Do you know where Tommy is?" said Larry, blunt and to the point as ever.

"I'll get to that," said Hadleigh. "But first things first. Starting with you, Mr. Taylor."

Larry looked surprised for the first time. "You know Taylor?"

"I know everyone," said Hadleigh Oblivion. "Whether they know it or not. Hello, John. I've been watching you for some time."

"Okay," I said. "That's actually quite creepy, but moving on… What brings you out into plain view?"

"You. And Walker." Hadleigh paused, seeming to consider his words carefully. "Something important is going to be decided, very soon, something that will affect the whole Nightside. I'm here to prevent certain outside forces from interfering. On either side."