Simon Green - From Hell with love

Oh sure! Ethel said cheerfully. I'm always listening, except when I'm not. But there isn't much I can tell you about the armour I provide. It's as close to the old armour as I could make it, only more so. I'm constantly amazed at all the wonderful things you've learned to do with it. But I can't help you with its limitations; this world and its physical restrictions are still something of a mystery to me.

"Are we going to have to go through the privacy thing again, Ethel?" I said.

But you weren't alone! There were two of you!

"Sometimes two people need their privacy even more," I said pointedly.

Oh pooh! You're talking about that sex thing, aren't you. Like I care…

"Let us talk about the armour," the Armourer said doggedly. "Eddie, did you feel any stronger, after you'd absorbed the Blue Fairy's torc?"

"Not that I noticed," I said. "But given how strong the armour is normally… I have just survived being inside a hotel when it collapsed, but so did Luther, and he only had the standard armour."

"I can see I'll have to run a whole series of tests," said the Armourer, brightening up a bit. "The whole family depends on the armour. We need to know everything there is to know about it."

Good luck with that, Ethel said cheerfully.

"Go away, Ethel," I said firmly.

I've been talking to your poltergeist, said Ethel. Oh, the things I could tell…

I waited, but her vague sense of presence was gone. It's never easy talking to Ethel. She does her best to be human, but it's only ever an act. So much more than human, but hopefully less than a god. I couldn't help noticing she hadn't said anything about Molly's death. I hadn't raised the subject for fear she'd start wittering on again about how life and death are just different states of being. I really wasn't in the mood. I took the Merlin Glass out of the sunspace pocket it had disappeared into on arriving in the Armoury, and every alarm in the world went off at once. The Armoury was full of bells, sirens, flashing lights, the works. All the lab assistants galvanised into action and dived for cover. Uncle Jack ran madly around the Armoury, shutting down one system after another, swearing at the top of his voice. After a while, peace and quiet grudgingly returned. Lab assistants reappeared here and there, peering cautiously out of their hiding places with eyes like owls, brandishing various nasty-looking weapons. The Armourer looked them over, with cold calculation.

"Very good, boys and girls, excellent reflexes. Claudia, put that portable disintegrator back where you found it. Kenneth, has Matron seen those gills? And Gregory, where did that trapdoor come from? I've told you all before-you're not to add modifications to the Armoury without submitting plans in advance. All right, everyone, back to work. Make me proud. Come up with something really upsetting, and there'll be ice cream for everyone."

He turned his back on them and looked at me.

"Sorry about that," I said.

"Doesn't matter," he said. "The occasional emergency and threat to life helps keep them on their toes."

"Why didn't the Glass set off the alarms when it brought us here?"

"Because I've programmed the Armoury to ignore that. Just hadn't got round to telling it to ignore the Glass' presence. It really is a very dangerous item." He looked at the Merlin Glass thoughtfully. "In fact, the more I discover about it, the more disturbed I become. The Librarian sent me a book he found in the Old Library the other day. It had a lot to say about the Merlin Glass, mostly operating instructions, all the practical stuff; but not a lot about why it was created in the first place. Officially, it was a gift to the Droods, from Merlin himself, for services rendered. Back then, that could cover a whole lot of ground. Hardly anything in the book about the Glass' history, who used to own it, and what happened to them. Though I did come across a rather interesting footnote, suggesting that there might be Someone or Something imprisoned inside the Glass. Apparently you can sometimes catch glimpses of it in the Glass' reflection. It? might be what powers the Glass."

"As long as it doesn't turn out to be a small Victorian girl with long blond hair," I said solemnly.

"Never liked those books," said the Armourer. "Creeped the hell out of me when I was a boy. Entirely unsuitable for children, I've always said."

"How is William?" I said, carefully changing the subject. "Has he settled into his position as head Librarian?"

"Not really," said the Armourer. "He's still crazy, and not in a good way. But if anyone in this family knows anything that matters about the Immortals, it will be William. He knows everything. When he can remember it."

"He didn't know much about the Apocalypse Door," I pointed out.

"You need to pop into the Old Library and have a good talk with him," said the Armourer. "I'll stay here, where it's safe and sane."

"What if the Sarjeant-at-Arms turns up here looking for me, and starts putting the pressure on you?"

"Like to see him try," said the Armourer. "I think sometimes people forget I used to be a field agent. I'm just in the mood to get unpleasant and unreasonable with someone. I've got a set of depleted uranium knuckle-dusters around here somewhere."

I never know when he's joking.

Secret Discussions, With Unexpected References to Heaven and Hell I stepped through the Merlin Glass into the Old Library, and the Glass shrank down and disappeared back into its subspace pocket with even more haste than usual. As though it was actually disturbed by the place I'd brought it to. Which was fair enough. The Old Library contains far more than just shelves and shelves of old books. It is a place of secrets, a depository of knowledge too terrible for the everyday world. I was standing somewhere among the rows and rows of stacks, stretching away in every direction I looked. Not that far away, the Librarian, William, and his young assistant, Rafe, were talking quietly together, so intent on the book before them they hadn't even noticed my arrival.

I took a moment to look around me. Simple, functional, standing shelves packed with books rose all the way to the gloomy ceiling. The floor was just bare wooden boards, that clearly hadn't known wax or polish in a very long time. There were no windows, the only illumination a sourceless golden glow that seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere. Presumably real lights would be too much of a fire risk. I had to wonder about central heating, since the air was toasty warm-again, presumably to help preserve the books. There wasn't a touch of dust anywhere, and not a single cobweb, despite the Old Library having? been lost and abandoned for centuries before I rediscovered it.

The golden glow reminded me of the last days of summer, and the place felt more like a chapel than a library. A repository of wisdom, of worship. And yet, not a comfortable setting. Although the many rows of standing shelves limited my view of the Old Library, it still felt unnaturally large, as though the stacks stretched away farther in every direction than the human mind could comfortably accept. There were rumours that the Old Library was actually growing, quietly, to make room for all the books and papers entrusted to it, and I was quite prepared to believe it. Just looking around I had no idea how to find an exit, without the help of a map, a compass, and a ball of thread to follow. And I also had to wonder: if this was a labyrinth, might there be a monster somewhere, lurking at the heart of the maze?

Rafe was patiently trying to persuade William to put aside his work for a while, and get some rest. William ignored him, standing stooped before a great oversized volume set out on a podium. The Librarian was a frail old man, with a sad lost face, wearing a bright cheerful dressing gown and a pair of fluffy bunny slippers. His bushy grey hair seemed to stick out in every direction at once, but his mouth was firm and his gaze was sharp and keen. William had a great mind, but a lot had happened to it, little of it good.