Rob Thurman: Grimrose path

I needed to keep Eli believing I was a trickster at the top of her form, because while the ranking went gods, tricksters, demons… humans were far enough below a high-level demon like Eli that you'd need binoculars to see them. I still had my trickster mind, but I had a vulnerable ninety-nine percent human body and that made things more difficult.

"Fine. If you want trouble"-I checked my watch-"I can spare five minutes. That should give me time to kill you, wipe the tapes, and maybe browse for a new car while I'm at it." I smiled. I doubted I was too impressive a sight right then. I was an explosion of messy waves and curls anchored at the crown of my head with a ponytail holder. No makeup. The shirt that snarky Leo had had made for me that said SLAYER NOT LAYER on the front in the same bright red as my sweatpants, and a pair of beat-up sneakers. But Eli wasn't seeing me now; he was seeing me then, and I had that going for me for a few months at least.

"Oh, I want trouble." His eyes darkened and it wasn't with anger. Some serial killers had horrific childhoods that had tangled sexual and homicidal urges into one black, strangling noose. Demons had only needed that one spat with Daddy to get them there. "But it'll have to be another time. I want to talk to you about some demons." He straightened, turning serious… as serious as Eli came anyway. "Dead demons. Quite a few dead demons."

I tapped the barrel of my gun against my leg. "Really?" Now there was the best news I'd heard all day. "You want to throw a party at my place? I'll even throw in an open bar for the occasion, because, sugar, I am that excited about it. How many demons are we talking about? Fifty? Because I can do a theme party. El Dia de la Muerte de los Demonios. Death of Demons Day. Like Cinco de Mayo only with pinatas that have little horns and forked tails."

"Cute. You're so adorable when you're tearing apart my rivals and blathering on about something to which you have no utter fucking clue." He smiled again. This time the white teeth had turned to the mouthful of smoky quartz fangs. "But that's fine. I'm happy to have this conversation later. Maybe I'll go out and occupy the time by burning down a church. Barbecuing the faithful. I always enjoy that. A big side of coleslaw and I'll be in hog you-know-where." At the last word, he pointed a finger skyward and mock fired it.

Technically, that was Heaven's problem, not mine, but despite the lying, cheating, and stealing part, I did have a conscience. Most tricksters did, as much as we'd deny it. That, combined with Eli not being in the mood for a little verbal sparring, was unusual enough to pique my interest.

I sat on the other desk and rested my feet on the large belly of the still-unconscious tourist. "Okay, grumpy hooves. I'll give you those five minutes. Better yet, I'll actually listen to you instead of killing you during them, because I'm sweet as cotton candy that way." I checked my watch again and snapped my own fingers. "Go."

And go he did. It wasn't fifty demons who had died. It wasn't even a hundred. That wouldn't be that unusual. Demons killed paien for sport and tricksters killed demons because of it. All paien weren't tricksters. There were vampires, wolves (werewolves to the fictionally inclined), nymphs, sprites, boggles, revenants, trolls, chubacabra, pukas, and thousands more. Some could take a demon and some couldn't. So, if a hundred demons died in the past few years, that would be normal.

Nine hundred and fifty-six in six months was not normal.

I tapped my feet on the unconscious man's belly and watched it ripple for a second while I processed the information. "All right. I see your point. Someone has been eating their Wheaties, taking their vitamins, and chugging a whole lot of Red Bull on top of that." Inside I had more of a "holy shit, the sky is falling-don't let the demon see you sweat" attitude going on. Something that could do that… "Maybe Upstairs has decided to do some old-fashioned smiting of the wicked and wanton. Let's face it, you are both."

His teeth became human again as the smile became smug. "True. Wicked and wanton and I stand by my record placing in the top ten in my particular region of Hell. But, no. Not even in the War-or the Sacred Scuffle, Police Action, Hallowed Hoedown, take your pick-we didn't lose a third so many. Who do you think was most likely to rebel? The holiest of the holy? The Precious Moments Angels? The simpering weaklings who were no better than fluffy baby ducks with halos?" He snorted. "No. We were the warriors. God's Righteous Fury. The Smiters, sweetheart, not the Smitees. Granted, we did pick up a slew of messenger angels, watcher angels-the minimum-wage pigeons who just did what they were told to do. And at that moment Lucifer was talking the loudest and God was letting the angels make their own choice. So we ended up with some weak-minded fluffy ducks after all. Like him." He jerked his head at the stain on the floor. "But even Daffy there, to lose more than nine hundred of him in six months? That is…" He shook his head and slid on a pair of sunglasses. "I don't know what that is. No one seems to."

I still kept my gun out as he slid down from the desk and headed for the door. Demons, higher-level demons like Eligos, moved faster than humans did. While I'd given myself an Olympic-conditioned human body when creating it, Olympic or not, it was still human… and five pounds heavier. "It's odd, impressive, and, all right, a little more than freaky, but why should I care? Whatever this is could kill every demon in Hell and it's not going to get my ovaries in a twist. There's a huge amount of 'I don't care' in this general area." I waved my free hand around me. "You kill my kind. I kill yours. This seems like a good thing for me and mine." I wasn't that stupid. If someone or something out there could do what Eli said, it was bad, bad news, because who knew when your kind might be…

"Next," Eli finished for me as he opened the door, a few blond hairs glittering in the dark brown of his hair, and looked back over his shoulder. Posed rather. Demons did like the hot rides they'd created to be admired. "I don't need to be an angel. I don't need telepathy to read that thought. I only have to know how smart you are. And that's almost as smart as you think." He grinned. "Nice T-shirt, by the way. Can't wait to prove it wrong."

The door closed and I slowly holstered my gun. Almost a thousand demons in six months.

Not in my best year ever. While I didn't care about the dead demons-no crying over spilt sociopaths-I did wonder what this thing might do if demons started to bore it. I made a mental list of anything and everything I knew of throughout history, mine and the world's, that could do something like this.

It was a very short list.

I went on to my workout. Dead demons didn't make exercise and conditioning unnecessary. An unknown creature making those dead demons made it only more necessary. Afterward I ran home to take a shower. I'd come to find out that some humans had the capacity to tolerate more annoyance and flat-out brutal torture than I'd ever given them credit for… Having to genuinely earn your muscle-that was probably one of the most annoying things that I'd come across.

Give them credit? I was one of them now as much as I dragged my feet admitting it, trying to deny it with that minuscule one percent that wasn't human. The second I forgot that I was now exactly what I appeared to be would be the second a demon would do to me what I'd done to so many of them.

Either way, human, trickster or both, I saluted Homo sapiens, respected them more than I ever had, but the gym shower? Even I had to draw the line somewhere. I kicked ass either with claws, paws, or one helluva fashionable boot, but you couldn't convince me that mold didn't have its own gods and demons, its own tricksters and unspeakable monsters. I know one clump bristled at me the first and last time I'd checked out the utilities. I recognized evil when I saw it. I saw it that day on seventies-era avocado green tile and some evil you simply had to walk away from. My bathroom was minutes away. I'd wait. And I'd gotten ridiculously fond of soap that smelled of oranges and felt like silk against my skin. I'd been human so many times throughout my life, but this one… this one… It had really taken. I wasn't scared of much, but that came close to doing it.