K Parker - Shadow

Poldarn thought for a moment; then he hauled himself up on to the cart and sat down opposite Tazencius. 'I haven't got a lot of time,' he said. 'They'll be wanting to move out soon and I don't want to be left behind. Do you know who I am?'

Tazencius scowled at him. 'What's the matter with you?' he said. 'It's all right, there's nobody watching. And even if there was, they can't understand what we're saying. Can they?'

Poldarn leaned forward quickly and grabbed Tazencius by the throat before he could get out of the way. 'That name you just said.'

'What? Oh, you mean Lysalis. My daughter. Your wife.'

'My wife,' Poldarn repeated. 'Prove to me that she's my wife. Prove she even exists.'

'But I don't need to. You know…' Tazencius tried to shake himself free, but Poldarn was too strong for him. 'Look,' he said, 'what the hell's come over you? Everything was going so well. First you led these people of yours into an ambush, just as we'd planned, so I'd have my victory. Then you managed to catch Cronan and kill him-and I'm really grateful to you for that, you don't know how much it means to me. And now you've saved me again, just like you did that other time; it's like having my own personal guardian angel, it's wonderful. Best thing I ever did, letting you marry Lysalis. And now you're acting like you've gone mad. What's got into you?'

'Don't you understand?' Poldarn said. 'I've forgotten everything. I can't even remember who I am. I only know who you are because I heard someone mention your name-'

He stopped. Tazencius was grinning. 'Is that right?' he said. 'You know, I believe you. What, you can't remember anything? Anything at all?'

'No. For God's sake, you've got to tell me.'

Tazencius was laughing. 'I don't think so,' he replied. 'My God, talk about a stroke of luck,' and as he spoke he leaned back a little, picked up a long knife that was lying on the bed of the cart, and poked Poldarn quite hard in the ribs with it. It was very quickly and neatly done. 'Now let go,' he said. 'Gently, that's right. Thank you. Now I suggest that you find a way to get me out of here. Otherwise, we'll die together.'

Quickly, Poldarn assessed the position. One very slight movement, and he'd be dead; it doesn't take much to push a sharp, thin knife up under the ribcage and into the heart. 'Why won't you tell me who I am?' he asked.

Tazencius smiled maliciously. 'Mostly,' he said, 'because I don't like you very much. To be perfectly honest-and there's no reason why I shouldn't be, not any more-I never could stand the sight of you; the thought of you with my daughter, it's enough to make me sick. Actually, I'm doing you a favour, because if I was you, I really wouldn't want to know who I was, if you see what I mean. Ignorance is bliss, as the poet says. So what happened? Bash on the head, was it?'

'What harm have I ever done you?'

'What harm? Do me a favour.' Tazencius shook his head. 'Just associating with you, it's like wallowing in blood and shit. Did you just say you're going away?'

'Yes.'

'Wonderful. With the savages?'

'Yes.'

'Absolutely splendid. Give it a week or so, you'll have them all at each other's throats, with any luck they'll wipe themselves out and leave us all in peace. You know, this is quite extraordinary. In a way, it's even better than killing you.'

'You want to kill me?'

Tazencius shrugged. 'Who doesn't? In fact,' he went on, 'about the only person I can think of who wouldn't want to kill you on sight is my poor besotted child-and that, my dear son-in-law, is the one thing I'll never be able to forgive you for. Oh sure, I was the one who sold my poor innocent lamb to the most evil man in the world, just so as to get his help in stealing the empire; the very thought of what I did disgusts me so much I can't bear to think about it. But that she should go and fall in love with you-you, for God's sake-that was my punishment, of course, that was divine retribution, as cruel and vicious as they could make it. It means I can't kill you-here we are, you and me and a nice sharp knife, and the pointed end actually facing in the right direction, and I can't rid the world of you. Isn't that something?' He sighed. 'No, instead you'll help me escape, I'll let you live-I'll owe my life to you. Again. That's my punishment too. You know what? You're like spilt honey; the more I try and clean up the mess, the stickier I get. You're all over me. Because of you, in everything I do, evil sticks to me and I can't wipe it off. Well.' He smiled. 'Now, just possibly, things are about to get better. You're going away. You don't know who you are. You don't know what we've done together, so you can't hold it over me. And when I'm emperor-and I will be, you can count on it, God help me-when I'm emperor you won't be there to torment me any more, because you won't know who you are. It's priceless, really it is. You know, for the first time in years I'm actually feeling optimistic.'

Poldarn tried to move, but he couldn't; the knife point was precisely in position, leaving him room to breathe and nothing more. Out of the corner of his eye he could see his people harvesting steel from the dead, working steadily, cheerfully; they wouldn't be able to help him, they couldn't see that anything was wrong. 'Please,' he said, 'I promise you, I'm going away, you'll never see me again. At least tell me my name.'

Tazencius smirked at him. 'All right,' he said. 'Your name's Ciartan. But that's only the name you came with, not the one everybody here knows you by. And if you think everybody's an exaggeration, you're wrong. There can't be anyone-well, certainly this side of the bay-who hasn't heard of you. And if I said your name and asked, "Who's he?" you know what they'd all say? "The most evil man in the world," that's what. And they don't know half of what you've actually done…'

Poldarn breathed in and out, slowly. 'What do you want me to do?' he asked.

'Easy. Get me out of here.'

'How can I? I can't move.'

'Think of something. Didn't I mention, you're the most brilliantly innovative strategist the world has ever seen? Something like that, anyway. Just don't try and get away from me, not till I tell you. The only way I'll trust you is if I know I can kill you with a flick of the wrist; and if I'm going to die, one thing I'll make sure of is taking you with me.'

'What if I told you I didn't care?' Poldarn said.

Tazencius shook his head. 'I wouldn't believe you,' he said. 'I know you too well. You'll do anything to stay alive.'

Poldarn thought about that and realised it was true. He didn't want to die. 'If you kill me,' he said, 'they'll tear you to pieces. You realise that, don't you?'

Tazencius shrugged. 'It won't come to that,' he said. 'You're going to save me. Like I said just now, you're my guardian angel.' He put a tiny amount of additional pressure on the knife handle, just enough to hurt. 'You're afraid,' he said. 'That much pain's enough to make you afraid of dying. Am I right?'

'Yes,' Poldarn replied.

'Another thing I can't forgive, by the way, is that you really do love my daughter. You have the capacity for love, you see; I think that's obscene. It devalues everything. Have you thought of something yet?'

Poldarn nodded. 'I'm going to ask one of my-of these people to hitch up the horses to this cart,' he said. 'I'll explain that I can't do it myself because of my bad arm. I'll say that you're my friend, you were kind to me when I got stranded here, and I said I'd make sure you got out all right, I'll vouch for you. If I say it just right, casually enough, it ought to work; you don't know these people but they're like that, they trust each other.'

Tazencius raised an eyebrow. 'You like them, don't you?'

'Yes,' Poldarn replied, 'I do.'

'That figures. They're monsters, and so are you. I'm not sure I like this idea. I won't be able to understand a word you're saying; you could tell them something quite different, like the fact that I'm sticking a knife in your ribs, please help-'