Mickey Reichert - Flight of the Renshai

"No," Subikahn admitted, drawing a hard, wooden chair directly up to the bedside. "But you'd be hard-pressed to find a more skilled healer. If she says you're not dying, I believe her." He abandoned the cat to sit.

Imorelda continued purring.

"What if I told you I can feel my body decaying day by day? That each time I awaken, it's a painful and terrible surprise." Red-tinged froth bubbled from his lips as he spoke, and he wiped it away with the already stained corner of a blanket. "That it's a fight I want to quit now, a battle I just can't win."

Subikahn bit his lip. He would not lie, not this time. "I'd say you were a coward and a craven, misjudged by the Renshai. A man like that does not deserve to have his blood in the Renshai pool."

Tae lowered his head. "Matrinka said you'd say that."

"Matrinka's words," Subikahn said, "determine the fate of the universe."

Tae managed a laugh, though he cringed at the obvious pain it caused him. "If only that were so, there would never be another war." He wiped away more blood-tinged drool. "Subikahn." Tae's tone grew intent, serious. "When I sent you from the East, I had no idea the Renshai would become Western exiles."

"Barred from the North, West, and East." Subikahn shrugged. "Where was I supposed to go? Another world? A star? Valhalla?"

"I'd have found a way."

It was truth, Subikahn knew. He had heard enough stories of his father's exploits. "Yes, but you're a sneaky little sod who can eavesdrop on anyone. I wouldn't put it past you to have already picked up the enemy's language." He gestured in the general direction of the shore. "I'm not like you, Papa. I'm not tough as steel."

Tae's brows eeled upward. "You must have inherited that softness from your mother."

"Funny." Subikahn had never considered how an aggressive, uncompromising Renshai and a man with a constitution of iron had created a sensitive daisy like him. "Maybe Saviar shared some blood with me in the womb."

"Maybe." Tae did not seem convinced, or else he did not think it mattered. "Then perhaps I can blame Ra-khir for putting me in the position of…"

"Position of what?"

"Nearly having to execute you for being a-"

"Bonta?"

Tae looked away. "I was going to be more discreet."

"More discreet than bonta?"

A hint of command entered Tae's voice, weak but clearly there. "Stop saying that!"

"Bonta, bonta, bonta!" Subikahn continued to stare until Tae finally met his gaze again. "It's what I am, Papa. I'm a bonta. Your son, Prince Subikahn Taesson the bonta."

"Stop saying bonta."

"Why, Papa?" Subikahn would not relent. "Why should I stop saying bonta? What's wrong with bonta? I like the word bonta. Bonta just rolls off the tongue." He remembered his conversation with Saviar and could not help grinning. The more times he used the word, the less power it held over him.

"Because it's a derogatory term. Degrading. My son is not a bonta."

"I am, too."

Tae held up a hand. "He's a… a… lover of men."

Warmth flooded Subikahn. At least, his father seemed to have grasped the most important point, to have accepted the once unacceptable. "Fine, I'm a man-lover, a sodomist, a daisy. Call me what you want, but I'm done sleeping with women. It's…" He could not think of a suitable word, so he resorted to childish slang, "… bleffy."

"You tried?"

"I did, Papa. Many times." A terrible thought occurred to him. "You could have an illegitimate grandchild out there somewhere."

"And you're still…"

"… a lover of men.Yes, Papa. It's not something I can change any more than I can my parentage. I'm stuck with you as a father, and you're stuck with me as a…"

"… son?" Tae inserted.

"As a bonta."

"Stop saying that!"

Subikahn took the sober route this time. He had had enough fun at Tae's expense. "It's just a label, Papa. Like prince. Or Easterner."

"Except that label is punishable by execution."

Subikahn leaned forward. "As opposed to… Renshai? In some places, it's a crime just to speak the name. They consider us anathema, to be killed on sight."

"Not in the East, anymore. Weile repealed that law."

Subikahn stared at his father, wondering how long it would take Tae to see the obvious solution now that he had practically spoken it.

"I still think we can fix you, Subikahn."

"No, Papa. I'm not broken." Subikahn resorted to Kevral's words, "It's the way the gods made me." He noticed the cat staring at him, waving her tail fiercely, demanding more pets.

"The gods, Subikahn, are not infallible. They make babies without legs sometimes, with extra fingers. I once saw a stillborn with two heads."

"Fine." Subikahn saw no reason to argue the point. "Perhaps they made a mistake with me, but it's not something that needs 'fixing.' I like being a…"

Tae winced.

"… lover of men. A lover of one man in particular." The image of Talamir sent a wave of comfort through Subikahn. He pictured the blond in his mind: strong, confident, handsome, with blue eyes a man could get lost in. "Papa, you know what it's like to be in love. The kind of love that overwhelms you, against which you measure every person, every emotion, that crosses your path. Imagine if Kevral had chosen to marry you. Talamir-"

Tae made a gasping sound that completely upended Subikahn's thoughts.

"What's wrong?"

All the color drained from Tae's face.

Subikahn sprang from his chair. "Are you choking? What can I do?"

"Talamir," Tae said. His voice sounded feeble, but not gravelly or breathless.

Subikahn tried to guess the source of Tae's abrupt discomfort. "He didn't rape me, Papa. I swear it. I initiated the… the contact. He was nothing but sweet and gentle and loving…"

Tae only looked more uncomfortable. Subikahn took several nervous steps backward. He's going to die. He's going to die right in front of me. "Matrinka's right outside the door. I'll get her."

"Just give me one last hug." The words came out hoarse, painful.

Matrinka's words echoed in Subikahn's head: "… be sure you leave something undone or unsaid…"

"The hug can wait." Subikahn started for the door. "I'm getting Matrinka."

Imorelda yowled and sprang from the bed.

"No," Tae said. "I'm not dying right now. At least not any faster than a moment ago. I need to tell you something; but, once I do, I won't have any right to request another hug. Ever."

Subikahn turned and studied his father. Tae looked awful: skin drawn over bones, sallow and sunken; but the eyes still contained plenty of life. The sound his father had made in his throat had nothing to do with breathing, only desperate concern that his son would judge him harshly. About what? Subikahn had a sudden, gripping feeling in his chest. He did not want to know, but he could stand the suspense even less. "What?" he asked carefully.

Tae gestured him closer, demanded the embrace.

Subikahn obliged, but he found it difficult to put much emotion into the gesture. If he squeezed too hard, he might worsen the injuries, and worry about the forthcoming news made him tentative. He stepped back. "Now, tell me."

"Subikahn." Tae's voice emerged surprisingly clear now, as if the embrace itself had cured him. "My one and only son."

Subikahn gritted his teeth but refused to speak.Words would only prolong the already interminable wait.

"Sentence was pronounced on Talamir."

All thought drained from Subikahn's head. "What?" The world seemed to disappear around him: sight, sound, touch. All that remained were the smells: blood and herbs, sickness and the aroma of flowers on the breeze from the windows. "Sentence… for what? What kind of sentence?"

"Talamir confessed to the rape, Subikahn. Freely and without coercion. In front of the entire court."