Hugh Cook - The Witchlord and the Weaponmaster

While Guest had been adventuring, Eljuk had remained on Alozay, studying under the tutelage of Ontario Nol, the wizard of Itch to whom he was apprenticed. Guest found the thought of such a quiet, steady and uneventful life quite incredible, for it seemed to him that the whole world had been the scene of unrelenting alarums for years on end.

Yet the truth is that the world had been a fairly peaceful place in the last few years. At least, the part of the world inhabited by Eljuk had been peaceful. After the departure of Witchlord and Weaponmaster, Bao Gahai had ruled Alozay with an iron hand, managing the affairs of the Safrak Bank efficiently, and managing too the matter of Alozay's relationships with the other Partnership Banks.

To Guest, Eljuk represented – amongst other things – the confidence and security of the life he had enjoyed before becoming entangled in the world of gods and demons. So he longed to talked with his brother. But he was denied opportunity for such conversation, for he was seated between the wizard Sken-Pitilkin and Sod's daughter Damsel. Damsel, who had once perched upon the Weaponmaster, squealing like a wounded mouse as she crested to her ecstasy, spent the whole meal practicing her seductive wiles on the corpse master Uckermark, who was seated on her left. So Guest was left at the mercy of Sken-Pitilkin.

While both Witchlord and Weaponmaster had come to Alozay with the idea of administering a degree of discipline to that wizard of Skatzabratzumon (with Lord Onosh being determined to remove his head, while Guest was more inclined to think the cropping of his ears would be sufficient) they had both now set aside thoughts of such punishment. For both had focused their thoughts firmly on their true enemy: Shabble.

Shabble the usurper!

In any case, it soon became clear that the suspicions of Witchlord and Weaponmaster were unfounded, and that Sken-Pitilkin had not wilfully conspired to bring Shabble to Alozay. This became particularly clear to Guest at that banquet, for, speaking with all the zeal of a born lecturer, Sken-Pitilkin took the Weaponmaster through a full account of the vicissitudes of his recent life.

After fleeing from Untunchilamon, the sagacious Sken-Pitilkin had eventually arrived at Port Domax with Shabble. No easy journey, that! For, just as Guest had suffered unanticipated complications to his journey from Injiltaprajura to Dalar ken Halvar, so too had Sken-Pitilkin endured a number of the most perilous and extraordinary embroilments imaginable. And the wizard told the Weaponmaster of all of these embroilments – and told of them at full length.

At last, however, Sken-Pitilkin had reached Port Domax, the famous free port on the southern shores of Tameran. There, Shabble had founded a Temple of Cockroach, a temple to be presided over by two natives of Untunchilamon, a young man named Chegory Guy and a young woman named Olivia Qasaba.

Thereafter, Shabble had taken to exploring the surroundings, eventually venturing as far as Safrak.

"It may well be," said Sken-Pitilkin, "that Shabble knew of this place from earlier encounter. But in any case, little can be hidden from a bubble so versatile in its curiosity. The fact is that Shabble won every secret of the Safrak Bank, and then prevailed upon Bao Gahai to establish a branch of the Cult of Cockroach upon Alozay."

Adroitly blackmailed by Shabble – who threatened to expose the secret of the Doors of the Circle of the Partnership Banks to the whole world – Bao Gahai had conceded the Cockroach a temple.

The dralkosh had hoped that Shabble would be content with that, but by slow and remorseless degrees Shabble had built up an organization on Alozay and had taken all power on that island into (so to speak) its own hands.

"Well," said Guest, when Sken-Pitilkin's story was finished.

"This is all much different than what we were led to expect by Plandruk Qinplaqus."

"Dalar ken Halvar cannot hope to have any certain knowledge of Safrak," said Sken-Pitilkin, "for Shabble has not allowed the Banks any unrestricted use of the Door. The bouncing bubble is feckless when its attention wanders, but right now it is flushed with the first enthusiasm of a new toy. I think the Circle will hold its full attention for some time to come, and it will be hard for anyone to distract it. These days, Shabble spends the daylight with the Door, examining all those who come through it, and sleeps by night with the star-globe on the floor beside it."

"You mean," said Guest, "that the Door is closed by night?"

"I do," said Sken-Pitilkin.

The wizard needed to say no more on that subject, because Guest could imagine how such nightly closure would distress the Banks, which were accustomed to make full and never-ceasing use of the Circle of Doors to shift their merchandise from one place to another.

"Have you more to tell?" said Guest, still unclear as to whether or not Sken-Pitilkin had thrown in his lot with Shabble.

"No," said Sken-Pitilkin. "That's it. That's the story of our lives since last we met. Your own story, I hazard, is more of a saga in its shaping."

"So it is," said Guest. "But before I tell it, pray tell me this – where is our friend Zozimus?"

"Why," said Sken-Pitilkin, "he is still in Port Domax, still the pet of the sweet Olivia, since he is still incarcerated in the flesh of a hamster."

"Still!" said Guest.

"I fear," said Sken-Pitilkin solemnly, "that his transformation may be permanent."

"So," said Guest Gulkan, "Zozimus is doomed to serve a hamster's flesh, and we in our turn are doomed to be slaves in the service of Shabble."

"You have truthed about Zozimus," said Sken-Pitilkin, "but declare your own fate in error. You will be no slaves for Shabble.

Rather, you are far likelier to be emperors, since Shabble plans nothing less than the conquest of the world. The smallest part of Shabble's domains will then be an empire, and each of you likely to have charge of such."

Though Guest had feared that Shabble might have designs on the very world itself, it was one thing to fear as much and quite another to hear it stated of a certainty.

"You spoke of the Circle!" said Guest, in unconcealed alarm.

"You said nothing of the world!"

"No," said Sken-Pitilkin, "but I am saying it now. Shabble, my friend, in truth plans nothing more or less than the conquest of the world."

"Who told you that?" said Guest, wondering if the wizard had perhaps been reading his mind.

"Why, Shabble, of course!" said Sken-Pitilkin – who, as a wizard of the order of Skatzabratzumon, had absolutely no mind- reading powers whatsoever.

Then Sken-Pitilkin elaborated Shabble's plans. The bubble of bounce planned to use the Circle of the Partnership Banks to spread the Cult of Cockroach throughout the whole world. Guest did not like this idea one little bit, because he was unwilling to bow to a bubble. Or to propitiate Cockroach! He was still not sure where Sken-Pitilkin stood – so took a risk, and made his displeasure plain.

"I would rather see the world burn than see it fall to Shabble's possession," said Guest. Sken-Pitilkin looked around the banquet hall to see where Shabble was. Shabble was chasing in and out of the smoke-rings which were being blown by a pipe-smoking Yilda. Safrak's banquet hall was dominated by the braying hubbub of a heavy-drinking dinner in its bone-picking phase. Sken-Pitilkin looked around to make sure no servant was standing behind him, then masked his mouth with a wineglass full of red, then leaned close to the Weaponmaster and said:

"If you wish to overthrow Shabble," said Sken-Pitilkin, "then you will need allies for the purpose. I suggest you speak to your tutelary demon to see how that dignitary views our bubble."Guest Gulkan did not like this idea at all, but after some persuading by Sken-Pitilkin he left the banquet early and took himself off to the Hall of Time. Thus did the lordly Weaponmaster come once more into the presence of Icaria Scaria Iva-Italis,