Carrie Jones - Need

"Not if it's a bad truth," I agree. "I've been denying everything. That there were pixies… that there was something supernatural going on… how hollow I've been… who my father is."

She looks at me and gives the tiniest of nods. "I've made a fine mess of it. I'm getting too old to battle pixies."

"That's not what I hear," I say. I take her hand. There are age spots across her delicate skin, but her fingers are long and powerful. "Why didn't mom come?"

"Even your dad couldn't have kept her safe here."

"Why?"

She runs a hand through her hair. "It's the king's hometown. Her presence here would have driven him crazy no matter how hard he tried to control it. If the king knew she was right here, he'd have to come after her. He wouldn't be able to resist."

"So we were hiding? All that time in Charleston? My whole life? We were hiding?" My head tries to wrap itself around it, but I can't. The world is so different than I thought, so totally, ridiculously different.

She nods. "I'm sorry that Ian got to you, Zara. I know I let you down."

"Where were you? I thought you were hurt when you didn't come back home."

"The truck broke down halfway. Someone sabotaged it. I started hiking back and it was taking forever, so I turned. Then I realized that the pixie had already beat me to the house, so I hid out, waiting. I knew you were safe at home but I also knew you wouldn't stay at home. I figured you'd leave and when you did the pixies would strike. I wasn't quick enough, though. I should've gone after you first instead of getting Nick out of the net."

"No," I say. "That was the right thing. And then you followed us to where Ian and Megan took me." "It was an easy smell to trace." I solid the question out. "Did you kill him?" "If I hadn't, your boyfriend would have." Ian is dead. She killed him. Probably ripped him apart like tigers do. I shudder.

"He's not my boyfriend."

"Ha. That's a good one. I saw you two tonsil surfing out there."

I could kill her. "I don't even have tonsils!"

"I know that and I bet Nick knows that now, too." She slaps her leg because she's just too funny for words. The door opens and Nick stands there, filling out the frame. He rushes over to my bed and hovers over me but doesn't touch.

"Well, well, well, speak of the devil," she says, snickering a little bit and standing up. "Looks like you've got company, so I'm going to run and get some decent coffee. We both know I just make horse swill."

She kisses my forehead and searches my eyes with hers. I don't know what she expects to see.

Then she turns to Nick. "You going to stay here for a bit?"

He nods.

"You take good care of her. She's the only granddaughter I have, okay?"

He stands a little straighter, the way people do when Betty gives an order.

"I promise."

"Good." She marches out the door, leaving us alone.

The moment he seems sure she's gone, Nick bends over and kisses my cheek. My lips feel abandoned.

His other hand touches my cheek.

"I was so worried about you," he says.

"You left."

"Betty made me. I was just hiding in the other room."

I exhale, everything inside of me relaxing. "Really?"

"I swear."

He looks so solid and worried and sweet, very, very sweet. I don't know how I'd manage without him there, with me. My eyes close. They are so heavy.

"I'm scared, Nick."

He squeezes my hand and his face hardens. He fiddles with my blanket, tucks it around me, just like my grandmother had. I am very well tucked.

"I hated what he tried to do to you." Nick chokes a little bit, all emotional. "Turning you into one of them.

You could never be one of them."

But aren't I already? If my father is one. It means it's in my blood, but Nick doesn't know that. Nick can't ever know that. I reach out my good hand and touch Nick's cheek. It's all rough, stubbly. "Would you hate me if I was? If I was a pixie?"

His eyes search my eyes. "No."

I don't think either of us know if he's telling the truth.

"What about the other ones?"

He lifts an eyebrow. He has beautiful eyebrows. "The other ones?"

"The pixies, the other pixies?"

Sometimes when cats see a mouse, they torture it. They could kill it easily with one good bite, one swipe of the claw, but instead they play with the mice. They torture them, watch them suffer. The mouse always tries to run away, but always knows there's no hope, that the cat can get them any time, anywhere. I am worried that pixies are like that. "lssie and Devyn have been out looking. They haven't seen any signs." He pulls a hand through his hair and then uses that same hand to massage the back of his neck. Blue half circles shadow the skin beneath his eyes. He seems so tired.

"So they're gone?" I ask, hopefully. I search his face. "Do you think they're gone?"

"I think they're regrouping. I think it will take them a while, but they'll be back." He sighs and then straightens his back. "We'll be ready for them, in any case. It's okay, Zara. It's over for now."

"Are you sure?"

I open my eyes for just a second to see his nodding, beautiful face hovering just inches above mine. "I'm sure. They can't turn you now, you're too hurt. You have too many drugs in your system. You'd die.

You're no good to them dead, not yet, not until after you've turned."

He runs his hands along my shoulders and I shiver, a good shiver.

His voice comes out husky. "I swear I won't let that happen."

I close my eyes again. It's so hard to stay awake, to think. I murmur, "You're nice, aren't you, Nick?

You're nice?"

His lips kiss my forehead. "I try."

I call her. Of course I call her. She's my mom.

"Zara!" Her voice is frantic. "I'm all packed. I'm still at the airport, waiting for a flight. Everything keeps getting delayed because of the damn storm.

That doesn't matter. What matters is, are you okay?

Oh, God, I can't believe you got hurt." "Did Gram tell you what happened?" I can hear her suck in her breath. "Yes." I am silent. I wait. A nurse walks down the hall. Finally, she says, "I thought it was all over." The hospital is a boring, plain white: a blank slate.

"Tell me why we lived in Charleston. Was it just because we were hiding? Were you only with Daddy because he kept you safe?"

"I owe you a lot of answers, Zara, but I swear to you that I was with Daddy because I love him."

"Yep."

I can almost imagine her twisting at an earring, trying to figure out what to say. "We were hiding. I was hiding."

"From the head pixie guy?"

"Yes."

"The king?"

"Yes."

"And why did he want to get you so badly?" I want to hear her say it. I want her to tell me.

"I double-crossed him, Zara. I did something he wanted but only under certain conditions. Those conditions made him weaker, and… and… he wanted me to stay. When Daddy died, I… I thought he'd come after me, not you. I thought he'd be down here and you'd be safe with Betty up there. I thought-" "Is he my father? My biological father?"

"How do you know that?"

"Mom?" I press her.

"Yes. Yes, he is your father."

"So I'm part pixie?"

"No. No, you aren't. You're all human because we never kissed, I never turned. Don't you see? I think that's part of the problem, part of why he's so weak. I mean, I'm not a hundred percent positive but I think to be strong he needs to have an actual pixie queen, a soul mate-" But I don't want to hear any more. I hang up the phone.

"Everything will be okay," I tell myself in the muted light of my hospital room.

Nurses pitter-patter down the hallways. Someone's TV in another room plays an action movie. There are a lot of gunshots and explosions.

I close my eyes and try to sleep, but all my dreams are about my mother reaching out her arms and me turning away.