Rob Scott - The Larion Senators

‘I’m out of shape,’ Jacrys explained. ‘I’ve been hit too many times, climbed too many icy mountains, stabbed too many sleeping partisans. Just now, you came up behind me, and I had no idea you were there. Five Twinmoons ago, I would have gutted you before you’d even realised I’d heard you.’

Captain Ellis backed away a step, her forehead creased. ‘I’ll be careful next time.’ She forced a chuckle.

‘Not to worry,’ Jacrys said, ‘all I want now is to go home.’ That isn’t true, you liar. More than anything, you want Brexan Carderic: you covet her, you who have never coveted anything. You want to feel her, to taste the salty tang of her sweat as it runs across her skin, to taste her blood as it splashes over her breasts. And you want to kill her, and that’s what’s different: you’ve never wanted to kill anyone before, not Steven Taylor, not even Gilmour Stow. You want to kill Brexan Carderic.

‘Well, sir,’ she said, ‘going home can be a cathartic experience for any of us. Perhaps you’ll find the rejuvenation you need to get back to work.’

‘I hope not.’ He stared out across the waves. The winter sun, cool but bright, shone in blinding glints off the water.

‘Looking for redemption?’

‘There is no redemption for me.’

‘Just peace and quiet then?’

‘A place to regroup, to decide what comes next, and especially to let go of a few things.’

‘I know that feeling,’ she said a wry laugh.

‘You do?’ It was Jacrys’ turn to be surprised.

‘I work for a Falkan traitor, a man who beats and molests young women. It’s no secret: Carpello Jax is a monster. Do you know how many nights he’s slept in the main stateroom while I’ve been up here, considering what an enormous favour I could do for Eldarn if I just slipped in and slit his throat?’

‘Many?’

‘None.’

‘None?’ Jacrys smirked. ‘Let me guess: because you have learned how to let go of a few things.’

‘Exactly.’

‘So how do you look at yourself in the mirror, Captain?’

‘I don’t,’ she said simply. ‘I’ve never been what anyone would call pretty-’

‘Now, I wouldn’t-’

‘So,’ she cut him off, ‘I’ve never had any need for mirrors. If I need to get a look at myself, I do my job well and then try to catch a clear glimpse of my face reflected in the silver that fat son-of-a-whore pays me to take care of his little boat.’

‘That sounds like overly simple cynicism, Captain Ellis.’ Jacrys gripped the rail with both hands. The talking was wearing him down.

‘Overly simple cynicism, Jacrys?’ Captain Ellis laughed. ‘You have many mirrors in your house?’

He was beaten – but he felt a bit better. The truth was doing him good. ‘No, I suppose I don’t.’

Captain Ellis changed the subject. ‘You don’t look good. You’re too pale; you ought to have some water, maybe some fruit. I’ve got tempines in my personal stores.’

Jacrys managed a smile of thanks. ‘I am hungry, a little.’

‘You want to go back below, lie down for a while?’

‘No. I’d rather stand here a bit longer and then maybe try to eat something, maybe drink a beer.’

She nodded laconically; Jacrys guessed that Captain Ellis wouldn’t waste a great deal of energy flailing about out of control. ‘Very well,’ she said, walking away, ‘suit yourself.’

‘Captain?’ Jacrys called, and fell victim to another coughing spasm. Something came loose in his chest, something lumpy, tasting like salt. Whatever it was threatened to make him retch, and he swallowed: he didn’t want to think that he was bleeding internally, and he especially didn’t want to be spitting blood in front of Captain Ellis. Bleeding into his lungs was bad enough; having Ellis see it, somehow, would be worse.

‘Are you all right?’ she called, hurrying back. ‘Let me get Mirron. Where is he?’

‘No!’ Jacrys wheezed, ‘no, I’m fine, I just need a minute.’

She guided him towards the forward hatch and helped him sit, then offered him water.

Jacrys ignored her, asking instead, ‘Captain, have you ever coveted anything? Anyone?’

Surprised, Captain Ellis tilted her head for a moment, considered the sea rushing by and said, ‘Just this, I guess, the chance to feel this degree of freedom, to earn my silver doing my job, rather than peddling something – bread, wine, my tits and backside – you know.’

‘I understand.’ As another who had revelled in his job, Jacrys felt an unexpectedly strong kinship with the Falkan sailor.

‘Why?’ she asked, ‘what is it you covet?’

Again Jacrys surprised himself by being truthful. ‘A woman.’

Captain Ellis laughed. ‘Isn’t that always the way it goes?’

‘Not like that,’ he interrupted, ‘she beat me – she was a beginner, a clumsy pawn in a dangerous game and I could have killed her several times over. Probably should have, now that I think about it. But oddly, I didn’t. And in the end, she sneaked into the most secure barracks in the Eastlands. I have no clue as to why. It was essentially suicide, even to try, but she knew my personal password, killed my guard and stabbed me in the chest before leaving me for dead.’

‘She broke in just to kill you?’ the captain asked. ‘What did you ever do to her?’

‘I killed her commanding officer.’ Jacrys frowned. ‘He was just a platoon lieutenant, a nobody.’

‘Maybe she was in love with him – was it a him?’

‘Yes, and maybe you’re right, maybe it was love.’

‘So, you covet killing this woman? This clumsy traitor-spy who tempted death just to kill you and avenge her platoon commander?’

‘I do.’ Jacrys shifted on the hatch, trying for a comfortable position.

‘Why?’

‘I don’t know why,’ Jacrys said, ‘and if you don’t mind me speaking plainly, it’s more than that, because I don’t know if I want to screw her like a whore, or just kill her and open her up to see if what’s inside is really flesh and bone.’

‘You realise, Jacrys, that we can sail this little boat all the way across the North Sea and back again, but you aren’t going to find any redemption, any peace, any quiet, anything at all, until you deal with this irritating little fixation of yours.’ She absentmindedly tugged her tunic straps tight and pushed her hair more securely beneath her hood. ‘There is no rest for those of us who covet.’

Jacrys smiled, then, afraid his teeth might be coated with blood, pressed his lips together. ‘I know, but maybe I deserve it. A measure of unrest might help me remember who I have allowed myself to become.’

‘A measure of unrest does that to all of us, Jacrys.’ Captain Ellis patted him on the knee. ‘I’ll send Thadrake; he’ll help you find something to eat.’

‘Thank you, Captain,’ Jacrys said. ‘I hope I haven’t frightened you, or made you feel uneasy. That wasn’t my intention.’

‘I’ll be fine.’

‘Perhaps we can talk again later?’

‘You just get busy healing.’

‘I think I already have,’ Jacrys whispered.

Steven watched Kellin’s horse reach the riverbank. She was shivering, blue with cold, and caught in the numbing throes of a panic attack, but she sat tall in the saddle, seemingly immune. Her soaking cloak dripped river-water, leaving a trail through the patchy snow. Her wet hair was matted against her head.

Garec followed a few paces behind Kellin, still in deep water. He had slipped off the saddle and was furiously trying to regain his seat, using his reins to tug and clawed his way astride the nervous horse. He’d managed to regain the saddle, however ungainly, when the shivering duo clambered onto dry land.