Steven Erikson - Memories of Ice

Ahead, close now, the cage of bone and stained skin, the creature within it a shapeless, massive shadow.

Which still called to her, still exerted its terrible demand.

To reach.

To touch the ghastly barrier.

The Mhybe suddenly froze in place, a vast, invisible weight pinning her to the ground.

Something was happening.

The earth beneath her twisting, flashes through the gathering oblivion, the air suddenly hot. A rumble of thunder -

Drawing up her legs, pushing with one arm, she managed to roll onto her back. Breath rasping in shallow lungs, she stared -

The hand held firm. Itkovian began to comprehend. Behind the memories awaited the pain, awaited all that he come to embrace. Beyond the memories, absolution was his answering gift — could he but survive …

The hand was leading him. Through a mindscape. Yet he strode across it as would a giant, the land distant below him.

Mortal, shed these memories. Free them to soak the earth in the seasons gift. Down to the earth, mortal — through you, they can return life to a dying, desolate land.

Please. You must comprehend. Memories belong in the soil, in stone, in wind. They are the land's unseen meaning, such that touches the souls of all who would look — truly look — upon it. Touches, in faintest whisper, old, almost shapeless echoes — to which a mortal life adds its own.

Feed this dreamscape, mortal.

And know this. We kneel before you. Silenced in our hearts by what you offer to us, by what you offer of yourself.

You are Itkovian, and you would embrace the T'lan Imass.

Shed these memories — weep for us, mortal -

Heaving, churning cloud where before there had been naught but a formless, colourless, impossibly distant dome — the cloud spreading, tumbling out to fill the entire sky, drawing dark curtains across bruised rainbows. Lightning, crimson-stained, flickered from horizon to horizon.

She watched the falling, watched the descent — rain, no, hail -

It struck. Drumming roar on the ground, the sound filling her ears — sweeping closer -

To pummel her.

She screamed, throwing up her hands.

Each impact was explosive, something more than simply frozen rain.

Lives. Ancient, long forgotten lives.

And memories -

All raining down.

The pain was unbearable -

Then cessation, a shadow slipping over her, close, a figure, hunched beneath the trammelling thud of hail. A warm, soft hand on her brow, a voice -'Not much further, dear lass. This storm — unexpected-' the voice broke, gasping as the deluge intensified, 'yet. wonderful. But you must not stop now. Here, Kruppe will help you. '

Shielding as much of her from the barrage as he could, he began dragging her forward, closer.

Silverfox wandered. Lost, half blinded by the tears that streamed without surcease. What she had begun as a child, on a long forgotten barrow outside the city of Pale — what she had begun so long ago — now seemed pathetic.

She had denied the T'lan Imass.

Denied the T'lan Ay.

But only for a time — or so had been her intent. A brief time, in which she would work to fashion the world that awaited them. The spirits that she had gathered, spirits who would serve that ancient people, become their gods — she had meant them to bring healing to the T'lan Imass, to their long-bereft souls.

A world where her mother was young once more.

A dreamworld, gift of K'rul. Gift of the Daru, Kruppe.

Gift of love, in answer to all she had taken from her mother.

But the T'lan Ay had turned away, were silent to her desperate call — and now Whiskeyjack was dead. Two marines, two women whose solid presence she had come to depend on — more than they could ever have realized. Two marines, killed defending her.

Whiskeyjack. All that was Tattersail keened with inconsolable grief. She had turned from him as well. Yet he had stepped into Kallor's path.

He had done that, for he remained the man he had always been.

And now, lost too were the T'lan Imass. The man, Itkovian, the mortal, Shield Anvil without a god, who had taken into himself the slain thousands of Capustan — he had opened his arms-You cannot embrace the pain of the T'lan Imass. Were your god still with you, he would have refused your thought. You cannot. They are too much. And you, you are but one man — alone — you cannot take their burden. It is impossible.

Heart-breakingly brave.

But impossible.

Ah, Itkovian.

Courage had defeated her, but not her own — which had never been strong — no, the courage of those around her. On all sides — Coll and Murillio, with their misguided honour, who had stolen her mother and were no doubt guarding her even now, as she slowly died. Whiskeyjack and the two marines. Itkovian. And even Tayschrenn, who had torn himself — badly — unleashing his warren to drive Kallor away. Such extraordinary, tragically misguided courage-I am Nightchill, Elder Goddess. I am Bellurdan, Thelomen Skullcrusher. I am Tattersail, who was once mortal. And I am Silverfox, flesh and blood Bonecaster, Summoner of the T'lan.

And I have been defeated.

By mortals -

The sky heaved over her — she looked up. Eyes widening in disbelief-

The wolf thrashed, battered against the bone bars of its cage — its cage … my ribs. Trapped. Dying -

And that is a pain I share.

His chest was on fire, blossoms of intense agony lashing into him as if arriving from somewhere outside, a storm, blistering the skin covering his ribs-yet it grew no stronger, indeed, seemed to fade, as if with each wounding something was imparted to him, a gift-

Gift? This pain? How — what is it? What comes to me?

Old, so very old. Bittersweet, lost moments of wonder, of joy, of grief — a storm of memories, not his — so many, arriving like ice, then melting in the flare of impact — he felt his flesh grow numb beneath the unceasing deluge-was suddenly tugged away-

Blinking in the darkness, his lone eye as blind as the other one — the one he had lost at Pale. Something was pounding at his ears, a sound, then. Shrieking, the floor and walls shaking, chains snapping, dust raining from the low ceiling. I am not alone in here. Who? What?

Claws gouged the flagstones near his head, frantic and yearning.

Reaching. It wants me. What does? What am I to it?

The concussions were growing closer. And now voices, desperate bellowing coming from the other side of walls … down a corridor, perhaps. Clash of weapons, screams and gurgles, clatter of armour — pieces dancing on the floor.

Toc shifted his head — and saw something in the darkness. Huge, straining as it shrieked without pause. Massive, taloned hands stretched imploringly — reaching out-For me.

Grey light flashed in the cavern, revealing in an instant the monstrous, fat-layered reptile chained opposite Toc, its eyes lit with terror. The stone that was within reach of the creature was gouged with countless scars, on all sides, a hatch-marked nightmare of madness, triggering horror within the Malazan … for it was a nightmare he recognized within himself.

She — she is my soul -

The Seer stood before him, moving in desperate, jerky motions — the old man's body, that the Jaghut had occupied for so long, was falling to pieces — and muttering a singsong chant as, ignoring Toc, he edged ever closer to the Matron, to Mother.

The enormous beast cringed, claws scraping as it pushed itself against the wall. Its shrieks did not pause, resounding through the cavern.