Джо Аберкромби - The Heroes

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They say Black Dow’s killed more men than winter, and clawed his way to the throne of the North up a hill of skulls. The King of the Union, ever a jealous neighbour, is not about to stand smiling by while he claws his way any higher. The orders have been given and the armies are toiling through the northern mud. Thousands of men are converging on a forgotten ring of stones, on a worthless hill, in an unimportant valley, and they’ve brought a lot of sharpened metal with them.
Bremer dan Gorst, disgraced master swordsman, has sworn to reclaim his stolen honour on the battlefield. Obsessed with redemption and addicted to violence, he’s far past caring how much blood gets spilled in the attempt. Even if it’s his own.
Prince Calder isn’t interested in honour, and still less in getting himself killed. All he wants is power, and he’ll tell any lie, use any trick, and betray any friend to get it. Just as long as he doesn’t have to fight for it himself.
Curnden Craw, the last honest man in the North, has gained nothing from a life of warfare but swollen knees and frayed nerves. He hardly even cares who wins any more, he just wants to do the right thing. But can he even tell what that is with the world burning down around him?
Over three bloody days of battle, the fate of the North will be decided. But with both sides riddled by intrigues, follies, feuds and petty jealousies, it is unlikely to be the noblest hearts, or even the strongest arms that prevail…
Three men. One battle. No Heroes.

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Joe Abercrombie

THE HEROES

ORDER OF BATTLE

THE UNION
High Command

Lord Marshal Kroy— commander-in-chief of his Majesty’s armies in the North.

Colonel Felnigg— his chief of staff, a remarkably chinless man.

Colonel Bremer dan Gorst— royal observer of the Northern War and disgraced master swordsman, formerly the king’s First Guard.

Rurgenand Younger— his faithful servants, one old, one … younger.

Bayaz, the First of the Magi— a bald wizard supposedly hundreds of years old and an influential representative of the Closed Council, the king’s closest advisors.

Yoru Sulfur— his butler, bodyguard and chief bookkeeper.

Denkaand Saurizin— two old Adepti of the University of Adua, academics conducting an experiment for Bayaz.

Jalenhorm’s Division

General Jalenhorm— an old friend of the king, fantastically young for his position, described as brave yet prone to blunders.

Retter— his thirteen-year-old bugler.

Colonel Vallimir— ambitious commanding officer of the King’s Own First Regiment.

First Sergeant Forest— chief non-commissioned officer with the staff of the First.

Corporal Tunny— long-serving profiteer, and standard-bearer of the First.

Troopers Yolk, Klige, Worth,and Lederlingen— clueless recruits attached to Tunny as messengers.

Colonel Wetterlant— punctilious commanding officer of the Sixth Regiment.

Major Culfer— his panicky second in command.

Sergeant Gaunt, Private Rose— soldiers with the Sixth.

Major Popol— commanding the first battalion of the Rostod Regiment.

Captain Lasmark— a poor captain with the Rostod Regiment.

Colonel Vinkler— courageous commanding officer of the Thirteenth Regiment.

Mitterick’s Division

General Mitterick— a professional soldier with much chin and little loyalty, described as sharp but reckless.

Colonel Opker— his chief of staff.

Lieutenant Dimbik— an unconfident young officer on Mitterick’s staff.

Meed’s Division

Lord Governor Meed— an amateur soldier with a neck like a turtle, in peacetime the governor of Angland, described as hating Northmen like a pig hates butchers.

Colonel Harod dan Brock— an honest and hard-working member of Meed’s staff, the son of a notorious traitor.

Finree dan Brock— Colonel Brock’s venomously ambitious wife, the daughter of Lord Marshal Kroy.

Colonel Brint— senior on Meed’s staff, an old friend of the king.

Aliz dan Brint— Colonel Brint’s naive young wife.

Captain Hardrick— an officer on Meed’s staff, affecting tight trousers.

The Dogman’s Loyalists

The Dogman— Chief of those Northmen fighting with the Union. An old companion of the Bloody-Nine, once a close friend of Black Dow, now his bitter enemy.

Red-Hat— the Dogman’s Second, who wears a red hood.

Hardbread— a Named Man of long experience, leading a dozen for the Dogman.

Redcrow— one of Hardbread’s Carls.

THE NORTH
In and Around Skarling’s Chair

Black Dow— the Protector of the North, or stealer of it, depending on who you ask.

Splitfoot— his Second, meaning chief bodyguard and arse-licker.

Ishri— his advisor, a sorceress from the desert South, and sworn enemy of Bayaz.

Caul Shivers— a scarred Named Man with a metal eye, who some call Black Dow’s dog.

Curnden Craw— a Named Man thought of as a straight edge, once Second to Rudd Threetrees, then close to Bethod, now leading a dozen for Black Dow.

Wonderful— his long-suffering Second.

Whirrun of Bligh— a famous hero from the utmost North, who wields the Father of Swords. Also called Cracknut, on account of his nut being cracked.

Jolly Yon Cumber, Brack-i-Dayn, Scorry Tiptoe, Agrick, Athrocand Drofd— other members of Craw’s dozen.

Scale’s Men

Scale— Bethod’s eldest son, now the least powerful of Dow’s five War Chiefs, strong as a bull, brave as a bull, and with a bull’s brain too.

Pale-as-Snow— once one of Bethod’s War Chiefs, now Scale’s Second.

White-Eye Hansul— a Named Man with a blind eye, once Bethod’s herald.

‘Prince’ Calder— Bethod’s younger son, an infamous coward and schemer, temporarily exiled for suggesting peace.

Seff— his pregnant wife, the daughter of Caul Reachey.

Deepand Shallow— a pair of killers, watching over Calder in the hope of riches.

Caul Reachey’s Men

Caul Reachey— one of Dow’s five War Chiefs, an elderly warrior, famously honourable, father to Seff, father-in-law to Calder.

Brydian Flood— a Named Man formerly a member of Craw’s dozen.

Beck— a young farmer craving glory on the battlefield, the son of Shama Heartless.

Reft, Colving, Stodderand Brait— other young lads pressed into service with Beck.

Glama Golden’s Men

Glama Golden— one of Dow’s five War Chiefs, intolerably vain, locked in a feud with Cairm Ironhead.

Sutt Brittle— a famously greedy Named Man. Lightsleep— a Carl in Golden’s employ.

Cairm Ironhead’s Men

Cairm Ironhead— one of Dow’s five War Chiefs, notoriously stubborn, locked in a feud with Glama Golden.

Curly— a stout-hearted scout.

Irig— an ill-tempered axeman.

Temper— a foul-mouthed bowman.

Others

Brodd Tenways— the most loyal of Dow’s five War Chiefs, ugly as incest. Stranger-Come-Knocking— a giant savage obsessed with civilisation, Chief of all the lands east of the Crinna.

Back to the Mud (dead, thought dead, or long dead)

Bethod— the first King of the Northmen, father to Scale and Calder.

Skarling Hoodless— a legendary hero who once united the North against the Union.

The Bloody-Nine— once Bethod’s champion, the most feared man in the North, and briefly King of the Northmen before being killed by Black Dow (supposedly).

Rudd Threetrees— a famously honourable Chief of Uffrith, who fought against Bethod and was beaten in a duel by the Bloody-Nine.

Forley the Weakest— a notoriously weak fighter, companion to Black Dow and the Dogman, ordered killed by Calder.

Shama Heartless— a famous champion killed by the Bloody-Nine. Beck’s father.

BEFORE THE BATTLE

Unhappy the land that is in need of heroes.

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