Hugh Cook - The Walrus and the Warwolf

The opposing army, similar in composition, and raising a similar racket of war-chanting, trumpet-blowing, drum-beating and cymbal-clashing, belonged to the rebellious Boo Taboo, once High Eunuch in Aldarch's court.

Both armies had more than fifty imperial dragons apiece, and the fear-crazed beasts were adding their voices to the uproar.

'There is war here,' said Guest Gulkan stoutly, 'hence there is opportunity.'

'Looks a bloody right dangerous place to me,' said Jon Disaster. 'I'm not hanging around.'And he vanished through the Door.

'He smart joker,' said Whale Mike. 'These people not sing much happy song.'And Mike followed Jon through the Door.

But the others stood their ground as a rider came from the west on a caparisoned black charger. He was a huge man in crimson-tinted armour, his helm topped by a war-crest in the shape of a dragon. The lurid device on his shield was a decapitated head, its hair held by a grasping hand with blood-red talons.He halted in front of them.

'Hi!' said Salaman Meerkat brightly. 'How would you like to hire some mercenaries?' The stranger grunted.

He drew his sword, which was attached by a hulking length of chain to some part of his armour – so that, if knocked from his grasp in battle, it would not fall away entirely, but would dangle until he could reach down and retrieve it.

'All good experienced men,' said Meerkat. 'All-' But said no more, for the horseman lopped off his head. Guest Gulkan slashed at the horseman, Ish Ulpin grabbed him by the foot to drag him from the saddle, Simp Fiche snatched a sword from Thelemite and stabbed the horse-

And Drake, who saw no profit in any of this activity, jumped through the Door. He blinked against darkness.'Here Drake,' said Whale Mike.'What kept you?' said Jon Disaster.

'Man, we've got a party going on back there,' said Drake. And then: 'Where are we?'

He began to make out what was going on. Mike and Disaster were keeping three strangers at bay. It was night; the scene was moonlit; they were in a clearing on a jungle-covered mountainside. All three strangers wore rustling clothes of leaves or grass. The night was dense with heat and humid perfumes.

'This smell good place,' said Mike. 'This warm. We stay, maybe. Make friends.''What?' said Drake. 'By singing happy song, perhaps?''No harm to try,' said Mike.

As he started to sing, Drake assessed the moonlit tableau. As well as the three grass-clad strangers, he saw scattered bowls, a couple of dead animals and, further away, two pyramids of something which was perhaps offal. Drake guessed that, here, the Door was worshipped as a sacred shrine.

In the shadow-tangled jungle beyond the clearing, strange creatures – birds? insects? – talked in screeching voices. Since they made this much noise by night, Drake wondered what the racket was like by day.

One of the grass-clad men tried to swat Disaster with a stick. Disaster cut the stick away with a single sword-stroke. Then all three strangers attacked him simultaneously. Reluctantly, Mike intervened with his titanium battle-rod, braining a couple of them. 'Let's leave,' said Drake.

'Nay, man,' said Disaster. 'We're winning, so why run?'

'We've won for the moment,' said Drake. 'But listen. Hear that? Sounds like people! Lots of them. Unhappy, too!'

As he spoke, a mob of grass-clad savages burst from the fringes of the jungle and attacked. Moments later, a brace of them had been broken by Mike's battle-rod, and the rest were running. Drake turned to the Door.

'You're not going, are you?' said Jon Disaster. 'They'll be back soon for some more games.''Then have fun,' said Drake. 'I'll see you later.''Nay, man,' said Disaster. 'Wait for the others.''We'll as like see them in hell as anywhere,' said Drake.

And, as Mike once more began to sing a happy song, Drake jumped through the Door. And instantly wished he had not.

In burning sunlight, a huge lizard-beast animated itself toward him on its two hind legs. Its front paws, built for grasping, had claws as fell as anything which ever stalked a nightmare. Drake was dimly aware of confused noise and shouting in the background, but all his attention was focused on the monster.Yes, it was real.Yes, he was not imagining it.So . . .'Nice to know you,' said Drake. 'Hello and goodbye!'

He leaped towards the Door – but was knocked down by a stranger jumping through it. Drake's sword went flying as they rolled off the plinth and onto the sand.'Hey,' said Drake. 'We have to-'

Then said no more, for the stranger started to strangle him. The stranger was one of the men Jon Disaster and Whale Mike had so recently been contending with by moonlight.

Desperately, Drake fought to break the stranglehold. He could not! The stranger was strong, yes, built like a wrestler. Determined to kill. Drake, flat on his back on the sand, panting, sweating, struggling, saw the lizard-monster looming above them.The lizard-monster leaned down casually.Then struck.

It hooked huge claws under the stranger's ribs. It hoisted him up, then slashed at Drake with its spare man-mangier. Drake rolled sideways. Another stranger burst from the Door – and the monster grabbed him.

Holding a man in each clawed hand, it tried to cram both into its maw simultaneously. While it was thus occupied, Drake grabbed his sword.'Gaaa!' he screamed.

And hacked the monster's guts open. It clapped its hands together, smashing its two claw-hooked prey together – then flung its arms wide, sending the two bodies flying.The bodies fell sprawling to the dust.

The monster loomed over Drake, who was in easy reach of its jaws and claws. If he turned to run, it would kill him. He tried to ease himself backwards, shifting his boots shuffle by shuffle on the underfoot sand, keeping his eyes fixed on the monster.

With an oiled, fluid motion, slick as a fish swimming through water, the monster eased itself forward. Blood dripped slowly from its claws. Red blood.Bugger! There was no getting away!

The monster was watching him, aye, staring him out, trying to paralyse him with terror. Yes, as weasel will paralyse rabbit.

'I'm no rabbit, man!' screamed Drake, in something close to hysteria.

He was panting frantically. His legs were shuddering. He was pissing himself. He was grasping his sword in a vice-like grip. He was a moment away from collapse. Then remembered – very clearly – duelling on the deck of the

Warwolf in the Penvash Channel. He remembered the weapons muqaddam saying:'Grip, remember? Relaxed yet firm.'Words like crystal.

'Yes,' hissed Drake, eyeing the monster, waiting for it to strike. 'Yes . . .'

He had his breathing under control now. He was remembering the weapons muqaddam preaching:

'Breathing in battle is life, is death. Breathe deep. Breathe slow. Master fear through your breathing.'And Drake hissed:'Yes . . .'

And remembered the weapons muqaddam's favourite saying, which lived on though the man himself was dead:'If you must die, then die with style!''Yes!' shouted Drake.Convincing himself of his courage.

And the monster roared. Lunging at Drake with its jaws.Drake met teeth with bronze.

As metal and ivory clashed, Jon Disaster came leaping through the Door.'Gaaa!' screamed Drake. Swinging again at the monster.

As he did so – Disaster struck. He chopped into the monster's tail. It tried to turn, swinging its neck around – and Drake, with a scream, hacked at the neck.The monster wavered.

Jon Disaster tucked his sword under his arm as if it were a spear, and charged, coming at the creature from behind, sinking good bronze deep into its spine. As it subsided, Drake swung again at its neck, once, twice, then thrice.

Then wiped some of the blood and sweat from his face, and looked around for fresh enemies.Finding none.

Now he had time to attend to something further removed than the threat of imminent death, he saw he was standing in a huge circular arena ringed with walls of white marble rising high and bright to tiers of seating where tens of thousands of people stood waving, shouting, cheering, jeering, or screaming with excitement. That was the source of the audio confusion he had been vaguely aware of all through his monster-fight.