Hugh Cook: The Walrus and the Warwolf

All that bacon fat in his belly was getting distinctly uneasy about this adventure.

'You not happy stomach?' said Whale Mike. 'Here, you get this good, she put you right.'

And Whale Mike handed Drake a small stone bottle. What was in it, Drake didn't ask. He simply swigged. It was bitter. It burnt. At first, he felt worse than ever. Then his stomach settled, and seasickness threatened no more as the Walrus rowed out into the open sea.

Ish Ulpin: a lean, pale man with a thin, mirthless mouth. He is given to great anger; he loves to kill. Once was a gladiator in Chi 'ash-Ian; later, sailed with the Orfus pirates of the Greater Teeth. Now works for King Tor as executioner and torturer, but is not averse to a little private enterprise on the side. In anyone's language, this man is dangerous.

Bucks Cat: a tall man with a wrestler's build; black hair; ebony skin; a knife-scar grinning on his throat. Born on Island Talsh in Sponge Sea. After capture in slaving raid, worked for many years in a quarry in the Ashun Mountains. Led slave revolt which took three years to suppress; spent five years on Greater Teeth before settling on Stokos.

Whale Mike: an ogre built as tall as King Tor. Has a trace of human ancestry (ogres can breed with humans, as wdlves can with dogs) as evidenced by a face showing what is almost a standard human configuration. Small eyes of incontrovertible imbecility; cheeks bulging as if a full-moon resides within each; sallow yellow skin. He has no ears, only holes in the side of his head where ears should be. (His hearing, even so, is acute.) His past is unspeakable.

The day was bright; the sun glittered on the sea and glinted from the blue and green tiled rooves of Cam. The clouds were few, white and very high. Drake felt strangely tranquil as he watched the whitewashed buildings of Cam

receding into the distance. Three leagues was a long way to swim. But he had every confidence of success. In fact, he felt he had energy to spare. By way of showing off, he offered to row.'You not row, man,' said Whale Mike. 'You sleep.'

'I don't need to sleep,' said Drake. T know what's best for me.'

'You like kitten,' said Whale Mike. 'Eyes not open yet. You not know which way up.'

'It doesn't matter what he knows,' said Ish Ulpin, with a laugh which suggested no humour. 'It'll all be over soon enough in any case.'

'What?' said Drake. 'You think I'm going to drown or something?''Shut up,' said Bucks Cat.

'You make nice sleep,' said Whale Mike. 'That always good thing. Not much sleep in water. That not so?'

Drake hated to take advice from anything which looked so stupid, but, in the end, he made himself as comfortable as he could and closed his eyes. And slept, right enough. Dreaming of munched frogs and dripping blood. After a while, he woke to hear someone – Ish Ulpin, by the sound of it – talking about Andranovory.

'We should have taken old Andranovory's offer,' said Ish Ulpin. 'It's our chance to get back to the Greaters.''Yes,' said Bucks Cat.

'You really want go back there?' said Whale Mike. T not like that. We happy here, that not so? In Greaters, nobody trust anybody. That not nice.'

'Who cares about nice?' said Ish Ulpin. 'I care about money.'And Drake thought: Well, and so do we all.

Then drifted off to sleep again. Waking considerably later. What had woken him? A gull, yes, the harsh cry of a gull. Lament of the ages. He sat up, blinked. His eyes hot, red, sore. Infected from the dung heap? Maybe. The boat rocked. His arse was sore. His back was sore. A boat was no place to sleep.'Hey,' said Drake. 'Where are we?'

He looked for the shore. It was a fair way distant. Well, to be exact: an unfair way distant. The whitewashed buildings with their roofs of blue and green tiles were shrunk by distance to the size of flecks of paint.'This is more than three leagues!' said Drake.

And promptly leaped overboard. The sea was so wet! So big! So dark! Drake was most unhappy about it. But he was even less happy when Ish Ulpin picked up a harpoon and threatened him.

'Back in the boat, boy,' said Ish Ulpin. 'Get in, or I spear you.''What is this?' said Drake.'Don't argue,' said Ish Ulpin. 'Get in!'

Drake paddled back to the boat. Whale Mike hauled him aboard, then took his turn at the tiller. Buck Cat and Ish Ulpin continued rowing.

'Hey, man,' said Drake uneasily. 'Three leagues is but six thousand paces. We're that far from shore already, I'll swear to it.'

He got no answer. He felt stupid, sitting there dripping wet, so stripped himself naked, wrung out his clothes then put them back on. Leaving his boots off. Those lovely new boots had felt dangerously heavy when he had been swimming in the sea. He bitterly regretted making his bet with Sully Yot, because it was clear enough now that he was going to lose his five shangles. Yes, and Yot would never let him forget it.

'Hey, boys,' said Drake, 'row me most of the way back in and I'll let you have three shangles. That's one each. That's a lot of money.'Bucks Cat laughed, and pulled on his oars with a will.'You're going too far!' said Drake.

'And we'll go further yet before you jump,' said Ish Ulpin, sunlight glinting on his fine white teeth as he smiled.Smiled without humour.

'What is this?' said Drake. 'Vigilante justice or something?''Exactly,' said Ish Ulpin.

'I'm a citizen!' shouted Drake. 'A very religious boy! Just a boy, a tender-hearted boy. I want to work hard and worship, to learn obedience under the law, yes, learn my lessons, pay my taxes, reform, be good. Why are you doing this to me?'

'Certain merchants have paid us to,' said Ish Ulpin. 'Aye, and paid well, too. Nice work for easy money.'

'Merchants?' said Drake. 'Who? The guy with the watermelon stand? Or that man with the daughter?'

'None of those,' said Ish Ulpin. 'Nay. Men of more importance. Men who fear to see a fool named Dreldragon marry King Tor's daughter.''What?' said Drake. 'They're in lust with her?'

'Nay. But they fear a fool like you as king. You marry her tomorrow, the king could be dead the next day. He's old enough to die.''He might last another thirty years,' said Drake.

'And might not,' said Ish Ulpin. 'The people who pay us want no risks.''You can't do this!' howled Drake.But got no reaction. Until Whale Mike said:

'He only boy, you know. We long way out. He not get back. This far enough, yes?'

'You always were soft in the head,' said Bucks Cat. 'I've swum further than this myself. He might do the same himself.'

'Unless we put a harpoon through him,' said Ish Ulpin. 'How about it?' 'Yes,' said Bucks Cat.

'Oh no,' said Whale Mike. 'That cruel. We not do that. We give him maybe just little chance. That nice, give some joker chance.'

'Was it you who gave Jon Arabin a chance?' said Ish Ulpin.

'What you talking about?' said.Whale Mike. 'When Slagger Mulps had him thrown overboard with all that iron tied to his feet,' said Ish Ulpin. 'You did the knots for the iron, didn't you?'Whale Mike's big foolish face split in a grin.

'Oh yes,' he said. 'Good knots, eh? Jon, he smart fellow. He get those knots undone real nice. I make knots so he have little chance. No much. But he come up all right. That good fun. Old Walrus, he real pissed off. Good stuff. Jon blow kiss, that cracked me up, that real funny.'

'So that's why the Warwolf survived,' said Bucks Cat. 'Because Mike was in one of his funny moods.'

'I had a sword called Warwolf,' said Drake. 'Who's the Warwolf you're talking about?'

'You shut up,' said Ish Ulpin. 'We've heard enough out of you.'

'Yes,' said Bucks Cat. 'Keep your mouth shut, or we'll tie the anchor to your feet before we throw you over. I'll do the knots myself. They won't come undone if I do them!'