Hugh Cook - The Walrus and the Warwolf

They had learnt that Sudder Vemlouf, ruler of Stokos, had a navy of at least three ships.

'What we should do,' said Drake, 'is go in force. Aye. Half a dozen ships. Or send in spies. Perhaps we should ask Sully Yot to spy for us – he's got Muck's trust.''That's an excellent idea,' said King Tor.

So Drake arrived back at Knock with his hopes high. Sully Yot would be asked to spy for them; Yot would refuse; Yot would be thrown to the sharks or tortured to death, which would be a just and proper punishment for killing Drake's much-loved dog. (And, of course, for attempted murder of Drake Douay.)

When Drake landed on Knock, he was disgusted to find that Sully Yot had sailed with the Warwolf, bound on a raiding expedition to the Ravlish Lands.'What else is new?' said Drake.

The latest excitement proved to be the challenge which Lord Menator had set Slagger Mulps. It seemed the Walrus was demanding to be Grand Admiral of the Fleet of Imperial Conquest. Menator had doubts about his worthiness, but had given the man a chance to prove himself.

If Slagger Mulps could sail to the terror-lands beyond the protection of Drangsturm, capture one of the monsters of the Swarms and bring it back to the Greaters as proof of his prowess, then he would be 'seriously considered' for the position of Grand Admiral.

'It sounds to me,' said Drake, sagely, 'that Menator thinks Mulps is too big with ambition. So Menator wants to kill off Mulps. But he doesn't want the blood to show too clearly on his own hands.'

Drake's analysis was correct. Menator wanted to appoint only his own men to positions of power. Menator knew such a policy would not win approval from the pirates – so he had chosen to try to kill off Slagger Mulps subtly, by tempting him into accepting a suicidal dare.

To Drake's surprise – and to the surprise of others -Slagger Mulps took up the dare, and began to ready his ship for a voyage south.

'The man's mad,' said Drake to Drake. 'And I'm glad I've no part in that madness.'

Slagger Mulps was due to sail on the first day of spring. The day before the Walrus set sail, Drake was called to a conference with King Tor and Lord Menator. It was Menator who did the talking.

'We've thought long and hard about this challenge we've set for Slagger Mulps,' said Menator. 'We can't think of any way for him to cheat – but he's a pirate, so there's no telling what devious tricks he'll turn to. Thus we want someone aboard his ship to be our eyes and ears. To report true as to where he goes and what he does.'

'Man,' said Drake, 'then don't look at me. I crewed with Jon Arabin, sworn enemy of Slagger Mulps. If I were to go aboard his ship, his crew would kill me. Why, my own worst enemy sails with the Walrus. That's Atsimo Andranovory, a man made for murder. So I'll stay with King Tor, thank you very much.'

'You'll do no such thing,' rumbled Tor. 'You'll sail for the south with Slagger Mulps. Not least because I need"to test you. You've been chosen to marry my daughter. You've been chosen to inherit my throne. I need proof I've made the right choice.'

'Why,' said Drake, 'surely you can trust your own judgment.'

'In my youth,' said Tor, T studied the Inner Principles of the Old Science, just as you did. From that, I learned that judgment is best supported by experiment.'

T see,' said Drake. 'Perhaps . . . perhaps a test to destruction.''That depends on what you're made of,' said Tor.

'The Walrus sails tomorrow,' said Drake. 'Have you jacked this up with Slagger Mulps? Is he happy to have me on board? Have you got a promise of safe conduct out of him?''We've not spoken to Slagger Mulps,' said Menator. 'Nor will we,' said Tor.

'Then how,' said Drake, in something close to despair, 'how do I get on his ship? And if I do – how do I survive?' 'That,' said Tor, 'is your first test.'

Name: Slagger Mulps.

Alias: the Walrus.

Birthplace: Ch'enameg.

Description: very tall; very thin; long sharp nose; green hair; green beard; green eyes; long arms and double-thumb fists.

Career: started life as a gardener's boy, then had to depart hastily from Chenameg. Lived as a limmer in Jone (in Selzirk) until sentenced to life as a galley slave after being caught raping a pig in a public toilet hard up by Ol Ilkeen. Liberated after five years when Abousir Belench, an Orfus pirate, dared a dawn raid on Lake Ouija. Thereafter prospered as a blade of the free marauders.

Status: Orfus pirate; cave owner and slave owner on Knock (largest of the Greater Teeth); ship's captain.

Ship: the eponymous Walrus.

'This good place,' said Whale Mike.

He held aloft his lantern. By its yellow light Drake saw three stoves, heaped sacks of charcoal, a huge hammock in which a horse could have slept in comfort, casks which presumably held ale or stuff yet stronger, hams hanging from hooks, strings of onions, boxes, crates, ropes, a heap of timber and a rack of tools.'This place is huge,' said Drake.

'Well, I not'small,' said Whale Mike. 'This ship, she was Gol-sa-danjerk. That her name. Now she Walrus. This was hold, but I make changes.''Have you always been ship's cook?' said Drake.

'Oh, I many things. But I good cook. I do that long time. Cook always eat well – that not so?'

And Whale Mike laughed.

Drake looked at the array of tools – hammers, mallets, chisels, awls, a variety of saws and other implements.'Who owns these tools?' he said.

'Oh, they mine,' said Whale Mike. T carpenter. I do many jobs. We not got big crew. Some of these jokers, they not so smart. They not understand carpentry stuff. But that no problem for me. I smart joker.'

Drake thought Whale Mike's estimate of his own intelligence was, to say the least, optimistic. But he did not say so. Instead, he said:'Thanks for bringing me aboard.''That okay. You my friend. That not so?''Definitely so,' said Drake.

'You sleep,' said Whale Mike. 'You get rest, talk good tomorrow. You have to talk fast, that not so?' 'Very much so,' said Drake.

Wondering how he would fare on the morrow when he had to face the Walrus.

'Under there,' said Mike, pointing to the shadows beneath a rack of hams. 'There sacks. That comfortable, that not so?''Surely so,' said Drake.

And crawled in under the hams, and laid himself down on the sacks. It was comfortable enough. He stared up at the bulky shadows of the hams. How well were they secured? It would only need one to fall. . .

Whale Mike began to hum a happy song. What was he doing? He was sitting on a coil of rope, working on something. What? Ah . . . the tooth of a whale. The lamplight gleamed on Whale Mike's sallow, swollen face. No ears. Was it cold, having no ears? What was it like to be stupid?

A shadow jumped onto Mike's shoulder'. A ghost? A demon? No – a cat. Slowly, Mike turned his head until he was staring the cat in the face. Was he going to bite it? Eat it? Tear it apart and gullet it raw?

As Drake watched, Whale Mike kissed the cat. That settled it! The man had to be soft in the head!

Footsteps thumped over the deck above. A voice called down the companion-way which led down into Mike's all-purpose cabin.'Mike?''Yol'said Whale Mike.

'We're bringing the water aboard. Can you give us a hand?''No problem,' said Mike.

The cat jumped from Mike's shoulder as he stood up. Though he was more than twice Drake's height, his head did not quite touch the ceiling. He must be very important to rate so much space. But of course – when there was a battle to fight, or an anchor to pull up, or a monster to kill, Mike must be the ideal person for the job.

When Mike left, Drake began to explore. The cat – perhaps it was psychic – immediately hid.