Stephen Donaldson - The Wounded Land

But Covenant knew the story too well. The fate of the Bloodguard and their Vow was inextricably bound up with the doom of the Seareach Giants. In his Haruchai honesty, Brinn would certainly reveal parts of the story which Covenant would never choose to tell. Brinn would disclose that Korik's mission to the Unhomed had reached Coercri with Lord Hyrim during the slaughter of the Giants by a Giant-Raver. Three of the Bloodguard had survived, had succeeded in killing the Giant-Raver, had captured a fragment of the Illearth Stone. But the Stone had corrupted them, turning them to the service of Lord Foul. And this corruption had so appalled the Bloodguard that they had broken their Vow, had abandoned the Lords during the Land's gravest peril. Surely Brinn would describe such things as if they were not a great grief to his people, not the reason why group after group of Haruchai had returned to the Land, falling prey to the butchery of the Clave. This Covenant could not bear. The Bloodguard had always judged themselves by standards which no mortal could meet.

“No,” Covenant almost moaned. He faced Brinn, gave the only answer he had. You don't have to do that. It's past. It wasn't their fault. “ 'Corruption wears many faces.'” He was quoting Bannor. “ 'Blame is a more enticing face than others, but it is none the less a mask for the Despiser.'” Do you know that Foul maimed those three Bloodguard? Made them into half-hands? “I'll tell it.” It's on my head. “When I'm ready.” A pang of augury told him that Haruchai were going to die because of him.

Brinn studied him for a moment. Then the Haruchai shrugged fractionally, withdrew to his place guarding Covenant's back. Covenant was left with nothing between him and the intent eyes of the Giants.

“Giantfriend,” the First said slowly, "such tales must be shared to be borne. An untold tale withers the heart. But I do not ask that you ease your heart. I ask for myself. Your tale concerns my kindred. And I am the First of the Search. You have spoken of the Sunbane which so appalls the Earth. My duty lies there. In the west. Seadreamer's Earth-Sight is clear. We must seek out this evil and oppose it. Yet you desire our aid. You ask for our proud dromond Starfare's Gem. You assert that your path is the true path of the Search. And you refuse to speak to us concerning our people.

“Thomas Covenant, I ask for your tale because I must choose. Only in stories may the truth to guide me be found. Lacking the knowledge which moves your heart, I lack means to judge your path and your desires. You must speak.”

Must? In his emotional poverty, he wanted to cry out, You don't know what you're doing! But the Giants regarded him with eyes which asked and probed. Honninscrave wore his resemblance to Foamfollower as if that oblique ancestry became him. Seadreamer's stare seemed rife with Earth-Sight. Empathy complicated Pitchwife's smile. Covenant groaned inwardly.

“These hills-” He gestured eastward, moving his half-hand like a man plucking the only words he could find. “They're the boundary of Seareach. Where the Giants I knew used to live. They had a city on the Sea. Coercri : The Grieve. I want to go there.”

The First did not reply, did not blink.

He clenched his fist and strove to keep himself intact. “That's where they were murdered.”

Honninscrave's eyes flared. Pitchwife drew a hissing breath through his teeth. “In their homes?”

“Yes.”

The First of the Search glared at Covenant. He met her look, saw dismay, doubt, judgment seethe like sea shadows behind her eyes. In spite of his fear, he felt strangely sure that her anger would give him what he wanted.

In a tone of quiet iron, she said, "Honninscrave will return to Starfare's Gem. He will bring the Giantship northward. We will meet at this Coercri . Thus I prepare to answer your desires-if I am persuaded by your tale. And the others of the Search will wish to behold a city of Giants in this lost land.

“Thomas Covenant, I will wait. We will accompany you to the coast of Seareach. But”- her voice warned him like a sword in her hands — “I will hear this tale of murder.”

Covenant nodded. He folded his arms over his knees, buried his face between his elbows; he needed to be alone with his useless rue. You'll hear it. Have mercy on me.

Without a word, Honninscrave began to pack the supplies he would need. Soon he was gone, striding briskly toward the Sea as if his Giantish bones could do without rest forever.

The sound of Honninscrave's departure seemed to stretch out Covenant's exhaustion until it covered everything. He settled himself for sleep as if he hoped that he would never awaken.

But he came out of dreams under the full light of the moon. In the last flames of the campfire, he could see the Giants and the Stonedownors slumbering. Dimly, he made out the poised, dark shapes of the Haruchai . Vain stood at the edge of the light, staring at nothing like an entranced prophet.

A glimpse of orange-red reflecting from Linden's eyes revealed that she also was awake. Covenant left his blankets. His desire for the escape of sleep was strong, but his need to talk to her was stronger. Moving quietly, he went to her side.

She acknowledged him with a nod, but did not speak. As he sat beside her, she went on staring into the embers.

He did not know how to approach her; he was ignorant of any names which might unlock her. Tentatively, he asked, “How's your leg?”

Her whisper came out of the dark, like a voice from another world. “Now I know how Lena must have felt”

Lena? Surprise and shame held him mute. He had told her about that crime when she had not wanted to hear. What did it mean to her now?

“You raped her. But she believed in you and she let you go. It's like that for me.”

She fell silent. He waited for a long moment, then said in a stiff murmur, “Tell me.”

“Almost everything I see is a rape.” She spoke so softly that he had to strain to hear her. "The Sunbane. The Sarangrave. When that Raver touched me, I felt as if I had the Sunbane inside me. I don't know how you live with that venom. Sometimes I can't even stand to look at you. That touch denied everything about me. I've spent half my life fighting to be a doctor. But when I saw Joan, I was so horrified-I couldn't bear it. It made me into a lie. That's why I followed you.

“That Raver-It was like with Joan, but a thousand times worse. Before that, I could at least survive what I was seeing-the Sunbane, what it did to the Land-because I thought it was a disease. But when he touched me, he made everything evil. My whole life. Lena must have felt like that.”

Covenant locked his hands together and waited. After a while, she went on. “But my ankle is healing. I can feel it. When it was broken, I could see inside it, see everything that needed to be done, how to get the bones back into place. I knew when they were set right. And now I can feel them healing. They're fusing just the way they should. The tissues, the blood-vessels and nerves-” She paused as if she could not contain all her emotion in a whisper. “And that diamondraught speeds up the process. I'll be able to walk in a few days.”

She turned to face him squarely. "Lena must have felt like that, too. Or she couldn't have let you get away with it.

“Covenant.” Her tone pleaded for his understanding. “I need to heal things. I need it. That's why I became a doctor, and why I can't stand all this evil. It isn't something I can heal. I can't cure souls. I can't cure myself.”

He wanted to understand, yearned to comprehend her. Her eyes reflected the embers of the fire like echoes of supplication. But he had so little knowledge of who she was, how she had come to be such a person. Yet the surface of her need was plain enough. With an effort, he swallowed his uncertainty, his fear. “The One Tree,” he breathed. “We'll find it. The Giants know whom to ask to find out where it is. We'll make a Staff of Law. You'll be able to go home. Somehow.”