Brian Thomsen - Once Around the Realms

In her hand were clearly a half-dozen of the necromancer's gems.

Passepout was shocked, scared, and panicked all at once, and at any moment expected something horrible to happen. He put his hands up to cover his face and cried, "No!"

"Now, don't be silly," Shurleen cooed. "You see that I'm giving them back to you. After all, no matter how rich you are, rubies aren't just something that you want to throw away. Right?"

"No!" Passepout cried, now shaking his head from side to side, his hands still covering his face.

"That's what I thought," replied Shurleen, oblivious to the rotund thespian's panic. "So why don't you put these gems back in your pretty little pouch, and then you and I can get to know each other a little better."

"No!" he repeated, once again, his eyes now darting to the inn's door, expecting at any moment for some purveyor of doom to make his entrance.

"Don't be shy," she purred. "I really like actors, especially rich ones. So just give me your hand, and leave the riding to Shurleen."

Passepout's sputtering and Shurleen's purring were just then interrupted by a voice emanating from the previously silent darkness.

"Excuse, please," Chiun announced, now illuminated by the tavern table's candlelight. "Did not mean to interrupt. I am only on my way to the outhouse."

Chiun stopped by the table, where Shurleen was almost on Passepout's lap, the gems that had previously been in her hand now spread on the table to allow her fingers to attend to other matters. He looked down at the red gems that were causing Passepout his grief, and passed his hand over them, saying, "Oh, necromancer's gem. All go away."

The gems disappeared from the table as if they had just faded into thin air.

Chiun then continued on to his elected duty.

"Stop him!" Shurleen replied. "He's taken the gems."

Chiun popped his head back in for a moment, replying, "Gems now back where they belong," and ducked back out again.

"It's for the best," Passepout replied, still uneasy about the whole thing but relieved to be rid of them once again.

"But what about the gems?" she insisted, growing agitated at the thespian's immediate acceptance of the old man's actions.

"They're not important," Passepout replied, trying to steer the conversation back in the direction he thought she had been going. "You were saying something about us getting to know each other."

"You're crazy," she said, pushing him away. "That was probably a fortune in rubies."

"But they're not important," he persisted. "We…"

"Get this straight, mister," Shurleen corrected. "Now, there is no 'we.' An actor, okay, I can accept that. Fat, you can lose weight, I accept that. But someone who is crazy and throws away a fortune in gems, that I cannot accept. I am going back to bed. Alone!"

"Shurleen," Passepout begged, as she left the tavern room for a room next door.

"Let her go." Chiun, who had miraculously just materialized, stood at the thespian's side. "She is more interested in the gems than in your happiness."

"I guess you're right," Passepout answered dolefully. "I guess heiresses are like all other women."

"You speak the truth," Chiun replied, patting the thespian on the back, as Volo had done to him earlier in the evening, "but maybe not as you see it now."

"Wait a minute," Passepout replied. "How did you know that they were necromancer gems?"

"Chiun knows many things," Chiun explained, "and since you didn't touch them after you discarded them you have nothing to worry about. It is as you left them. They are back along the path upon which you dropped them."

"How did you do it?"

"Priest of Mad Monkey know many things, especially how to undo that which someone else has done," he replied.

"Can you remove the spell that has bonded Volo and myself together, or at least remove the bond that exists between us and the gems?"

"No can do," Chiun replied. "Spells are tricky as are magical gems. It is much easier to just put things back in their proper place. Nothing is changed except for the location."

Passepout just shook his head, not really comprehending what he had just heard.

"Now back to bed," Chiun instructed.

The frail old priest helped the slightly inebriated and more than slightly depressed thespian next door, and back to his mattress on the floor, the repairs on the damaged bed having to wait for morning.

The events of the previous evening and the resultant surprises created an invisible bond between the travelers, with the sole exception of an apparent glacial rift between Shurleen and Passepout.

Blackthumb reminisced over breakfast with tales of his mercenary adventures in the marine trade. There was much mutual patting on the back, and a newfound respect for the ancient priest of Mad Monkey who suffered from irregular bowels.

Volo took Passepout aside and inquired after the cause of his depression.

The thespian was torn. He didn't want the group to know of the ineptitude with which he handled Shurleen, for that would surely ruin his all-important reputation as a lady's man, while at the same time he felt a certain obligation to tell Volo of the incident involving the gems, and Chiun's remedy for the problem.

In the end, Passepout only confessed to a Moonshae ale hangover, and Volo accepted it at face value.

After breakfast was over, Blackthumb led the group to a harborside establishment where they could trade their horses for a boat that would take them to the Isles of Wa. According to the innkeeper, Pan's Sampans was the most honest establishment in the area, and the owner was a good friend of his.

"Fellow travelers of Faerun," Blackthumb introduced, "I'd like you to meet my good friend Tai, the most honest shipbuilder on the Celestial Sea."

The honorable shipbuilder bowed graciously, and, in a very Western manner undoubtedly influenced by Blackthumb's company, proclaimed, "Okay, guys. What do you wanna buy, and what do you have to sell?"

Chiun leaped to the front of the conversation.

"We want the best junk available to take us to the Isles of Wa," the old priest proclaimed, "and in exchange we will trade you the four finest steeds from all of Taan."

Tai examined the horses one at a time, scowled, and acted as if he weren't interested in the deal. "Gee, I don't know," the shipbuilder considered out loud. "I know that you're friends of Blackthumb and all, but if you ask me, these horses aren't even worth the price of a dinghy."

Chiun responded.

"Mad Monkey say, 'Honesty is the best policy' and 'A fair deal is a square deal.' "

"I guess you're right," Tai agreed. "You just bought yourself a junk."

Passepout whispered to Volo, "What do we need a junk for?"

Volo answered, "To bring us to the Isles of Wa. A junk is an oriental sailing ship."

"Oh, great," the chubby thespian responded, hoping that the cleric's cure for motion sickness was still in effect.

Though overtly rickety and obviously in need of a good coat of paint, the junk that Tai provided was more than suitable for the next leg of their journey eastward, with ample room under cover as protection against the spray of the surf.

Shurleen's iciness toward Passepout continued. Upon seeing him once again discard a red gem into the depths of the Celestial Sea, she began to rant publicly. "Do you believe that half-wit?" she fumed.

Passepout tried to ignore her, turning his attention to their young charge, who was badly in need of a change of diapers.

"Why don't you leave the guy alone?" Curtis scolded. "It's not like he's ever treated you like anything less than a queen."

"Position in society has its privileges," she countered. "Royal treatment is no less than I deserve after the way I've been treated."