Hugh Cook - The Wishstone and the Wonderworkers

A chaste and continent Chegory returned to the hot and sweating den where Scapil Hun was labouring still under the watchful gaze of Log Jaris. The end result of much sweating and scratching on the part of the dwarfish forger was an ornate parchment of most impressive appearance.

‘What do you think?’ said Hun.

‘Well,’ said Chegory, scanning the parchment, ‘I, um, I can’t read that stuff. I only read Ashmarlan. But, okay, it looks good. I mean, it looks like the others. At least to me.’

‘You’re not losing your nerve, are you?’ said Log Jaris, catching the note of hesitation in Chegory’s voice.

‘No,’ said Chegory.

But a little later, as he was making his way to the palace, he several times hesitated. In the end, it was thoughts of his virginal Olivia which drove him on. He could not leave her there! Not with that — that thing!

When Chegory reached the steps of the pink palace he found a couple of beggars camping there. They had lit a fire and were frying up fish, capsicum and rice in a wok.

‘What news from within?’ said Chegory.

But the beggars ignored him. So, without even wasting so much as curse on their unco-operative heads, he went on into the interior. Which was silent. Deserted. But for Slanic Moldova, whom Chegory found still painting his mural.

‘Sian,’ said Chegory. ‘How’s it going?’

‘Not bad,’ said Moldova. ‘Not bad at all. Do you want some pork?’

‘No thank you, Sian,’ said Chegory, in the voice he reserved for humouring lunatics. ‘But it’s very kind of you to offer.’

‘There is some, you know,’ said Moldova, and pointed at some dirty dishes which Chegory had not noticed.

‘Food!’ said Chegory with surprise, seeing that much of a meal remained on the plates. ‘Where did that come from?’

‘The kitchen, of course. I cooked it myself. Do you want some?’

‘Ah, um, no thanks, Sian. I’ve got to be going.’

‘Fare thee well, then,’ said Moldova. Then: ‘Oh, I say — if you’re going down there, do be careful. They tell me there’s a demon somewhere down there.’

‘Thanks, Sian,’ said Chegory.

Then on he went.

Feeling very much alone.

As Chegory drew near the Star Chamber he paused. He could feel his heart quop fast and hard within his breast. Blood hissed in his ears. He felt dizzy. What was that he could smelP Rotting food. What a stink! Disregarding the smell, he crept forward till he could see into the Star Chamber. Within, the carpet of chowder and kedgeree had decayed badly in the heat. It was aswarm with flies and the air was possessed by the busy underhum of the death-delighting insects.

And there — yes, there was the demon-possessed Aquitaine Varachavardan. The albino’s lean body sprawled in rotting food. Bowls of food fresh and unrotted lay all around it. The thing which had possessed that flesh was methodically gorging itself. The demon had gathered that food is energy, and knew full well that energy is power. So to maximise its power it was trying to metabolise as much food as possible, and to that end was cramming its maw with one morsel after another. From this it will be clear that the demon, even though it had ransacked the brain of the conjuror Odolo for data about its new environment, still did not possess a firm understanding of the human organism.

Chegory wavered.

He was tempted to run.

Then he saw Olivia among the people cowering at the demon’s feet. If she saw him she gave no sign of it. Her face was blank. All personality washed out of it by unendurable terror. Was she permanently damaged? He could not tell. He searched for Ingalawa. Found her. Ingalawa’s eyes met his. The Ashdan female mouthed something — but whatever it was Chegory failed to understand.

What about the Empress.

Where was Justina?

There — in a corner, sleeping.

Chegory cleared his throat.

The demon looked at him.

‘What do you want?’ said Binchinminfin.

It was Varazchavardan’s throat through which the demon spoke. But the accents were still those of the conjuror Odolo whom Chegory had left that day on the island of Jod. These were the first accents which Binchinminfin had mastered — and doubtless the demon would continue to speak with Odolo’s voice unless it had very good reason to learn another form of speech.

‘I’ve — um, I’ve got something for you,’ said Chegory, advancing with the forged parchment tentatively extended.

‘What is it?’ said the demon.

‘A… a medical certificate.’

‘Explain,’ said Binchinminfin.

‘Well, you’ve, uh, I mean — that’s Varazchavardan’s body you’ve got there, okay? And the sorcerer, well, he gets sick like everyone else. This is from his doctor. It’s a note. It says he needs this medicine.’ Chegory looked at all the food on which the demon had been feeding. He made a few deductions then said: ‘Uh, if you don’t mind me saying so, maybe you feel a bit sick already. This, this medicine, it’s, well, great stuff.’

‘I do feel a bit… what’s the word? Poorly! That’s it! Yes, I feel poorly.’

‘Well, you see, that’s because you haven’t been having this medicine,’ said Chegory.

While he spoke, he looked around. If he got a little closer then surely he could knife the demon. He had come armed for the purpose. But — oh! There was a guard in a corner. A guard with a crossbow trained on Chegory’s heart. The demon had already taken care of basic security. Such is the depravity of the human race that even a demon, a foul Thing from Beyond, will find servants more than willing to pledge their loyalty to its service.

‘Tell me about this medicine,’ said Binchinminfin.

‘It’s, uh, some stuff called alcohol,’ said Chegory. ‘It comes in various forms. There’s, uh, mead. And vodka, of course. Brandy. Rum — that’s pretty good stuff. But they’re all versions of the same thing, you know, it’s just that some are stronger than others. They’re all — well, this medicine is so good you can use it to treat just about anything. Flat feet, indigestion, you name it. I’m not kidding.’

‘We’ll see,’ said the demon ominously.

Then closed its eyes.

Its face went slack.

Chegory realised the demon must be searching Varazchavardan’s mind for data. Just as it had earlier searched Odolo’s. His heart hammered all the faster. Should he run? One look at the guard told him the answer: no! Instant death would be the result.

Binchinminfin opened Varazchavardan’s pink eyes. With those eyes the demon eyed Chegory with suspicion. Then spoke.

‘It comes to me that this organism can overdose on this medicine.’

‘Um, yes,’ said Chegory. ‘Well, side effects, there’s those, you can’t get round that, when you’ve got medicine you’ve got side effects. I mean, take opium for instance, it’s good stuff, but, uh, you can get hideously addicted if you have it too often. Now this alcohol stuff, well, you can run into problems with that. So it’s best you have a foodtaster. Okay? Someone to check it out. That’s me. I’ll match you drink for drink. That way you can watch me. If it’s not doing me any harm then you’ll know it’s not doing you any harm either. Okay?’

‘That’s logical,’ said the demon. ‘Where can I get this medicine?’

‘You call in a waiter,’ said Chegory. ‘Or have they all run away?’

The demon looked at the guard who had the crossbow.

‘We still have the waiters, sir,’ said the guard.

‘Good,’ said Binchinminfin. ‘Then get me some.’

‘Get him some waiters,’ said the guard, raising his voice.

‘Will do,’ came the acknowledgement from above.

Grief! There were more armed guards on the mezzanine! Ten of them at least. The simple, elegant plan which Log Jaris had formulated — get the demon drunk then kill it — had become much more complicated. Somehow the guards would have to be won over. Or got rid of. Maybe the demon could be conned into turning them into frogs. Or something. Maybe the guards could be persuaded to get drunk as well. But could Chegory outdrink the better part of a dozen soldiers? Judging by some of the ugly rumours he’d heard about Injiltaprajura’s garrison, it might be decidedly unwise to try.