Hugh Cook: The Wazir and the Witch

The Family Thrug had ruled Untunchilamon for seven years. Their rule had begun when civil war broke out in the Izdimir Empire, for Lonstantine Thrug seized his opportunity, overthrew the local governor and installed himself as emperor of this isolated island. In due course, the unfortunate Lonstantine became incapable of discharging the responsibilities of government, and was thereafter succeeded by Justina, the elder of his twin daughters.

While the outcome of Yestron’s civil war remained uncertain, none disputed the right of the Family Thrug to rule. But in the seventh year of Talonsklavara (this being the name which dignified the protracted internecine conflicts of the Izdimir Empire), it became increasingly apparent that Aldarch III was likely to triumph. A coup was then launched against Justina by her Master of Law, the albinotic sorcerer Aquitaine Varazchavardan, who had no wish for personal power but who did wish to demonstrate his loyalty to Aldarch Three.

Great was the peril which the Empress Justina then endured, but she survived-thanks to the loyalty of many of her subjects and the intervention of the Hermit Crab.

The Hermit Crab, a being with powers at least equal to those of any wizard or sorcerer, dwelt on a small island in the harbour of Untunchilamon’s capital city.

The Crab took exception to the violent political disputes which had disturbed the peace of its domicile; to restore the peace, the Crab commanded Justina and Varazcha-vardan to declare a truce and resolve their differences.

This they did.

Had they disobeyed, they would have been turned inside out by a wrathful Crab; therefore the matter of their compliance is scarcely a mystery. Furthermore, the same threat of gross physical disconcertment similarly compelled the compliance of all others on Untunchilamon, at least for the moment; some who thought the Crab could read minds (it could not) almost went mad as they endeavoured to suppress their inner yearnings for the end of the regime of Thrug and the imposition of the rule of Aldarch Three.

However, while peace again prevailed for the moment, the crisis had served to teach Justina a salutary lesson; which was, that her power was almost at an end, and that she would most surely die if she tarried on the island for any longer than was absolutely necessary.

At that time, Untunchilamon lay in the doldrums; for the season of Fistavlir was upon the island, and that season, also known as the Long Dry, is a time when both wind and rain are denied to this equatorial region. Lack of wind means lack of shipping, but for those canoes of the Ngati Moana which travel even during Fistavlir, riding the Coral Current which flows through the shallow and treacherous waters of the Green Sea.

Justina considered making her escape in such a canoe, drifting with the currents through those shallow southern waters which are interdicted to ships of any size and substance. But the dangers of such a voyage were great; the Ngati Moana might well be reluctant to carry her, lest long-term repercussions deny them their favourite trading routes; and such an escape would have been selfish.

Selfish?

Yes.

For a canoe could carry no more than a few passengers, whereas a great number of people stood in danger thanks to their association with Justina — her loyal advisers; her friends; her lovers (a category most definitely plural); her ex-lovers (a body of athletes who could certainly not have been accommodated in but a single canoe); certain of her servants; various Ashdans and Ebrell Islanders; and Aquitaine Varazchavardan himself, now tainted by the protestations of loyalty which the Crab had forced him to make to Justina.

When Justina had made a full list of all those who stood in danger, she concluded that nothing would serve but for her to seize a bare minimum of a dozen ships to carry the endangered ones to foreign shores.

Two problems then confronted her.

First, there were not a dozen ships in the Laitemata Harbour. There were but three, all three imprisoned by the absence of wind. Never mind. The end of Fistavlir would bring the winds, and the winds would bring the Trade Fleet; if Justina had but patience, in time there would be a dozen ships in her net.

However, the second problem was more serious, and was this: when the time came to seize these ships, would her soldiers be for her or against her? Most of Justina’s soldiers were not of her own people, the children of Wen Endex; instead, they were grey-skinned Janjuladoola warriors who owed her little love and less loyalty.

The solution?

Bribery.

Injiltaprajura’s treasury was rich in gold. And silver. And diamonds, jade, emeralds, ultramarines, opals, japonica, turquoise, celestine, carnelian and so forth; and in coinage, for it boasted dragons and damns by the sackload, dalmoons by the bushel, and a surfeiting overflow of spings, flothens, zeals and ems. The imperial hoard reflected the wealth of Untunchilamon, and Justina was prepared to squander all of it to bribe her soldiers.

The Empress Justina made careful plans along these lines as the season of Fistavlir drew to a close, and she was full of hope by the time the rule of the doldrums finally ended, the Long Dry coming to an end in an outbreak of wind and of rain.

But hope soon changed to something remarkably like despair when the Inland Revenue raided Justina’s pink palace.

As has been stated, the head of the Inland Revenue was the redoubtable Dui Tin Char, who had long pretended loyalty to Justina. But Tin Char (so we must name him, for Dui is a personal name, and to refer to him merely by the family name of Tin would be ever so slightly insulting) was of Janjuladoola race like Aldarch the Third. Tin Char longed to see the rule of Aldarch Three triumph on Untunchilamon, and to see Justina and her cohorts punished for their various acts of repression and usurpation.

To give but one example of Tin Char’s grievances, he had long lamented the suppression of the rites of his dearly beloved Temple of Torture. Under the reign of Wazir Sin, Tin Char had been a most enthusiastic priest of that temple; when the Family Thrug had outlawed his religion, Tin Char had abandoned the priesthood for the bureaucracy with the specific idea of rising to a place of eminence from which he could exact revenge.

Now Tin Char was eminent indeed.

Treachery, blackmail and poison had made him head of the Inland Revenue in scarcely seven short years, and he was ready to move against the Family Thrug.

But…

What would be the reaction of the Hermit Crab?

The potential dangers from this quarter were so great that they gave even Tin Char cause for thought; accordingly, he did not begin by chopping off Justina’s head, but contented himself with looting her treasury. His logic was very simple. If the Crab objected, he could always return the treasure and make apologies, whereas decapitation could not be so easily reversed; on the other hand, if the Crab proved compliant, Justina’s head could then be removed without trouble.

Tin Char offered immense bribes to Justina’s soldiers, who then co-operated with the raid in which every bit of treasure in the pink palace was removed to the premises of the Temple of Torture. The legal pretext for this move was very simple. According to Tin Char, Untunchilamon was still a part of the Izdimir Empire, and Justina Thrug was still a subject citizen of that empire and hence liable to penalties under imperial law; which meant that, as she had paid no taxes for the last seven years, all her assets could be confiscated.

Justina’s dismay can easily be imagined.

The winds were blowing; the Trade Fleet would in due course arrive; but she would never get her twelve ships unless she had money for bribes. Unless suitably bribed, her soldiers would prevent her escape: and now Tin Char had all her money.