D. MacHale - The Merchant of Death

I had to pee.

The last time I took a leak was before Courtney showed up at my house. When was that? A million years ago? Judging by how my bladder felt, it was at least that long. So rather than lie there and wet my leather pants, I started to get up.

“Hey,” I said. “I gotta-”

As soon as I moved, the girl flew into attack mode. She instantly crouched down and whipped out a wooden pole that must have been strapped to her back. It was about five feet long and well-worn from use. She held the weapon steady with both hands, and I saw that each end was stained shiny black from hitting things I didn’t even want to imagine. Scarier still were her eyes. They were dead-set focused on her target, which happened to be me.

I froze. No way I was going to stand up or she would have whacked me so fast my head would hit the ground before my feet did. I didn’t want to move at all for fear of setting her off. We both stayed that way, waiting for the other one to make the next move. One thing I knew for sure, it wasn’t going to be me. And if she took a step toward me, I’d be off that bench and out the window headfirst.

Then a voice called from outside, “Buzz obsess woos saga!” At least that’s what it sounded like; I’m not exactly sure of the spelling. Someone stepped in through the door. It was a woman dressed in the same crusty leather clothes that apparently were fashionable in this neighborhood. She actually looked like an older version of the girl who was about to brain me. But as powerful as this woman looked, there was something about her that made me feel as if she could possibly be my savior. I think it was her eyes. They were kind eyes. No anger there at all. When she looked at me, I knew it was going to be okay. She looked familiar, though I can’t imagine where I could have met her before. She gave the younger girl a stern look and the girl reluctantly responded by putting her weapon away. Whew. Disaster averted.

The woman then turned to me and said, “Forgive my daughter. She often takes herself too seriously.”

New info. This was a mother-daughter team. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised. They looked alike. I wondered what Dad looked like. He must have been a linebacker. I still didn’t feel comfortable moving. This woman seemed cool, but after what I’d been through I wasn’t taking any chances. She walked up to me, knelt down by the bench and gave me a kind smile.

“My name is Osa,” she said softly. “My daughter’s name is Loor.”

“I…I’m Bobby and I’m not from here,” was all I could think of saying.

With a smile, Osa said, “Neither are we. And we know exactly who you are, Pendragon. We’ve been waiting for you.”

Whoa! She knew who I was! A million thoughts flashed through my brain, but one in particular jumped out. If they knew who I was, then why was amazon girl over there ready to beat my brains out? I figured I better not ask. I didn’t want to tick Loor off. She might decide to yank out her stick and start wailing on me anyway.

“How do you know me?” I asked.

“From Press, of course,” she answered. “He has been telling us about you for quite some time.”

That’s right! Now I remember where I’d seen her before. Uncle Press had brought her to our house. We had met before! I remember thinking how beautiful she was, and how odd it was that she didn’t speak. The mystery was over: She was a friend of Uncle Press’s. But that realization was quickly replaced with another. Man, I’d almost forgotten. Uncle Press was in trouble. At least I think he was in trouble. Those knight boys who lassoed him and pulled him off didn’t exactly look like his pals. A rush of adrenaline shot through my body and I sat up fast.

“He’s in trouble!” I shouted. Bad move. Not the shouting part, the sitting up fast part. My body was one big black-and-blue mark from our bobsled crash in the forest. A wave of pain hit me like, like, well, like that stick would have hit me if Loor were taking batting practice on me. I don’t know why I didn’t realize it before, but I was really hurt. It felt like every one of my ribs was cracked. The pain was so intense it took my breath away. My legs went weak and I had to lie back down or I would have passed out again. Osa quickly grabbed my shoulders and gently lowered me back on the bench.

“It is all right,” she said in a soothing voice. “The pain will not last.”

How could she know that? Unless maybe she thought I was about to die. Nothing short of death was going to stop this burning pain anytime soon. But what happened next was nothing short of amazing. I lay there taking short quick breaths because deep breaths made the pain even worse. Osa then reached out and gently put her hand on my chest. She looked into my eyes and I swear, Mark, it was like I melted. The tension totally flew out of me.

“Relax,” she said softly. “Breathe slowly.”

I did. Soon my heart stopped pounding and I could take a deep breath. But most amazing of all, the pain went away. I swear. A second before I was hurting so bad I couldn’t even cry. Now it was gone. Completely.

Osa took her hand away and glanced over to Loor for a reaction. Loor turned away. She wasn’t impressed. But I sure was. It was some kind of miracle.

“How did you do that?” I asked while sitting up and feeling my ribs.

“Do what?” was Osa’s innocent reply.

“Are you kidding?” I shouted. “My ribs! I was like, dying. You touched me and poof, I’m off injured reserve.”

Osa stood up and said, “Perhaps you were not hurt as badly as you thought.”

“Yeah right,” I shot back. “I know what pain is, especially when it’s mine.”

That’s when Loor decided to join the party.

“We are wasting time,” she said in a peeved voice. “Press is being held by Kagan.”

I didn’t care much for Loor’s style, but she was right.

“Who is this Kagan dude?” I asked.

“There are many things you must learn,” said Osa. “Press was to begin teaching you, but until he returns the task will be mine. Come.”

She walked over to the hole in the wall that was a door and stood next to her daughter. They both looked at me, which I took as my cue to follow. I stood up, ready to feel the pain in my ribs shoot back. It didn’t. Amazing. I then looked at Loor to see if she would spring into attack mode again. She didn’t. So far so good.

“Shouldn’t we find Uncle Press?” I asked.

“We will,” responded Osa. “But first you must learn about Denduron.”

Denduron. Right. That’s where I was. There wasn’t much I liked about Denduron so far, and I couldn’t imagine finding out anything else that would make me like it any more. But I didn’t have a whole lot of options, so I followed the others toward the door. I took two steps and then stopped, remembering something very, very important.

“Uhhh, where do I go to, uh, you know, I’ve got to-”

“Relieve yourself in there,” Loor said coldly, pointing to a far corner of the room where there was a wooden screen separating a small space from the rest of the hut.

“Great, thanks,” I replied and hurried toward it. When I looked behind the screen I learned two things. One was that these people didn’t have indoor plumbing. The toilet was nothing more than a hole in the ground surrounded by a circle of stones. Not exactly comfy. The second thing was that the mystery of why this place smelled so bad was solved. I guess these people hadn’t figured out that an outhouse should definitely be “out” of the house. Man, it smelled like a sick elephant had been using this thing. But what the heck, it wasn’t my house and I had to go bad. So I held my breath against the stink and then took about five minutes to figure out how to undo the leather clothes. I guess these people hadn’t yet discovered zippers, either. It was during this that I realized the furs I had been wearing were gone. I guess somebody took them while I was unconscious. That was fine by me because if I’d had to get through another layer, I would have wet myself for sure.