Paul Kidd - Descent into the Depths of the Earth

“Useful how?” Escalla propped the sword up and leaned on it.“Come on. Tell Escalla!”

I’m more than just enchanted. The sword went into anawful sulk. I cut things!

“Oh, real unusual power.”

I cut them really well! The sword had become peevish. I’m always sharp.

“A a real labor saver. What? There’s a whetstone built intoyour sheath? I met a gnome with one of those once.” Escalla peered into thesword sheath. “Hoopy!”

Sharper than that! A sneer crept into the sword’s voice. I was forged from pure metal from the positive energy plane.

“Do tell.” Escalla matched sarcasm for arrogance. “Meaning?”

Meaning that I have an adverse effect upon things of darknessand creatures that draw power from the negative energy planes.

“Ooo! Like ghouls?”

Yes.

“And ghosts and wights and mummies?”

Yes.

“And demonic spider queens and liches?”

Yes! Thoroughly annoyed, the sword had lost its temper. Negative energy influenced creatures.

“Hoopy!”

The sword made a sneer. I had no idea education standards had dropped this low.

Giving the sword a wry look, Escalla pulled her nose. “Hey,Spiky! Do you get out much-you know, hang out with other swords and stuff? Ordon’t they like you either?”

I can afford to be choosy. The sword gathered itsdignity. My last owner was a perfect gentleman. I must say, you are hardly an adequate substitute.

“Lady, do I look like I’m going to be waving you around myhead and smiting the smitable?” Kicking away a probing rust monster antennae,the faerie struggled to drag the huge sword to a safer place. “I’ve got you inmind for a friend of mine.”

Full of suspicion, the sword hummed and hawed. What sort of friend?

“Oh, a warrior for good, upholds justice rather than the law,death on wheels, cleaves things apart, that sort of thing.”

Is he skilled?

“I hope to kiss a duck the guy’s skilled!” Escalla droppedthe sword. “You’ll like him! Remember when you were a little kid at school?”

I am a magic sword. I was never a child at school.

Escalla ground her teeth. “Then remember when you were alittle baby poniard in the cutlery barrel?”

No.

“Hey! Just gimme the benefit of some creative self-projectionhere!” Escalla slapped the sword’s sheath in annoyance. “Remember when you wereyoung and other critters came to bully you? Remember how you wished some big kid would just stroll in out of the blue, scare the bad guys off, and look after you?”

The sword’s voice sniffed in suspicion. You’re saying yourfriend is similar to that big child?

“Yes!” Grabbing the sword sheath, Escalla dragged itunderneath the shaft. “If that kid was about six foot six, shaven headed, couldtear mountain lions in half with his bare hands, and hung out with sentient hell hound hides.”

The sword seemed confused. That doesn’t seem a close matchto your comparison.

“So few metaphors stand up to close examination.” The girlwaved her hands in annoyance. “Are you coming to help my friend fight forjustice, or are you staying for lunch with mister rust monster over there?”

Supremely calm, the sword gave a huff. I believe I shall ascend and render assistance to your friend.

“Great. Could you quit grousing and try giving me a handhere?”

Prim and proper, the sword gave a snort. What is it now? What do you need?

“Well, if you don’t want to end up as rust monster food…”Escalla swatted at a probing rust monster antennae yet again. “I suggest youhelp me make a plan to get you up this shaft!”

You could use the rope over there in one corner of the cave. The sword sighed. Just give it to your friend and have him pull me up.

“What rope?”

The one over by the backpack full of scrolls.

With an unkind glare at the sword, Escalla wandered over to the edge of the toadstool. Amongst a collection of dismembered skeletal remains lay a backpack, a rope, and a broken lantern with all the metal bits missing.

“Stay here!”

Escalla whirred over to the rope and managed to retrieve it. With much picking, she peeled away enough hemp stands to make a three-hundred-foot long strip of hairy string. She tied one end about the sword, scared the rust monster away with an illusion spell, then zipped up the shaft to find Private Henry anxiously waiting for her return.

The girl handed Henry the end of the string and said, “Heaveho. Company’s coming!”

“Company?” The young soldier blinked. “What sort of company,ma’am?”

“Irritating company!” Escalla dived back down the shaft.“There’s a blabber-mouthed sword on the end of the string. Bring it up when Igive you two tugs. Lower the line again once you’re done. There’s scrolls orsomething down there, too.”

The transfer took about ten long minutes-time that Beneluxspent lecturing empty air on the shortcomings of the new generation of adventurers. With the swords voice dwindling above her, Escalla took stock of the spells written on a newfound scroll, gave a happy smile as she saw some useful new magic, then sped up the shaft in pursuit of Benelux.

Up at the head of the shaft, Henry sat with the sword in his lap, looking chastened and bemused. Benelux was in full flow, informing the boy of the shortcomings of his uniform, when Escalla appeared and slapped the weapon on its overly ornate, enameled sheath.

“Hey, Spiky! Meet Private Henry of the Keoland border guard.”

Indeed. The sword was indignant. Surely you do notplan to put me in the hands of this child?

“Nope. Henry has enough troubles of his own.”

The beholder lay paralyzed at the rear of the cave, looking angry but incapable of doing much about it. Escalla summoned her old trusty Tensor’s Floating Disk spell beneath the beholder. The spell bore the monster ona bobbing plate of magic force. Escalla had Henry toss the sword behind the beholder, and the faerie happily sat astride the monster and rode the whole contraption down the passageways.

“The grand plan! Step one: Catch a beholder. Step two: Get asword.” Pumping her fist like a cavalry general signaling the charge, Escallasent her ponderous cargo floating off down the corridor. “All right, Henry,let’s do a quick stage three, then get this show on the road!”

Stepping confidently behind her and looking the part of a conqueror, Private Henry checked his crossbow, drew himself straight, and followed Escalla as the disk drifted off to who-knew-where. The caverns lay empty, the dead ghouls decomposed, and Escalla’s voice argued with the magicsword as she drifted off into the dark halls.

In a dark universe of fear, all manner of hideous creatureshad set their minds to inventing tortures to inflict on living souls.

There were tests.

There were punishments.

There were foul torments so horrific that even their creators screamed at the very thought of them.

There were mind-wrenching terrors so foul that even the lords of the Abyss dared not speak their names…

… And then there was being tied back to back with Polkthe Teamster.

Two hours, and Polk was still talking.

“…see, a real hero anticipates trouble,son, has a sixth sense-warnings from the gods, uncanny awareness, a taste forsubtle hints…! That’s your problem, son. No sense for danger. No ability toknow when death is imminent!”

Polk leaned his head back against the stalagmite at his back. Behind him, Jus tried to heave on his own ropes and use the pressure to strangle Polk to death, but the bugbears had used too many knots and turns. Jerking at his ropes in fury, Jus flung his head about to try and catch sight of Polk behind him.