Michael Mathias - The Wizard and the Warlord

Phen wasn’t as affected by the almost scary sounds of the dwarf’s snores. He’d gotten used to it during the long months they’d traveled together. That didn’t stop him from conspiring with Jicks to help the others get at least one full night’s sleep, though.

It was the night after Corva and Dostin had passed them almost unnoticed. Lieutenant Welch spotted them and watched them from afar with a nocked bow in his hand. He was ready to drop either one of them if they ventured too close. No one else paid them any mind.

Phen told the lieutenant of his and Jicks’s plan for the dwarf. The lieutenant didn’t agree with the foolishness, but he knew that the rest of the crew needed a good night’s sleep. Even Lord Gregory pitched in by toasting the might of Doon a dozen times as they ate their rations at the fire.

Telgra said she wanted no part of it. Phen thought that she actually felt sorry for Oarly.

When Oarly passed out drunk and began to snore, Jicks picked him up by the legs and Phen took his arms. The two boys carried him a good way up the valley side. Oarly snored the whole way and never so much as batted an eye as they hauled him along. They laid him out on a flat shelf of rock and then crept away. The horrible sound of his slumber, they figured, would keep anything wild away from him.

“If not the sound, then his smell will keep him safe,” Phen said.

By the time the two boys were back in camp, the others were sleeping soundly. Only the lieutenant who had drawn first watch with one of the archers was awake. Even Telgra, who had protested the trickery vehemently, was asleep.

Later, when Jicks and the other archer were on watch, the youngster found that, without Oarly’s constant snoring to keep him awake, his eyes kept sliding closed. Sleep eventually overcame him. Luckily for the group, the archer stayed alert and the night passed uneventfully.

Oarly woke to a warm, moist smell that was as out of place as the low, rumbling growl he could hear. He opened his eyes to find a curious mountain cat in his face. It wasn’t nearly as frightening as the sea serpent or the dragons he’d been face to face with of late, so he managed to stay calm. Seeing Oarly’s eyes move, the cat’s hackles stood on end and it reared back to pounce. It bared its teeth, and its growl became insistent.

Oarly’s first thought was that the others were in danger, but as he felt his hip for his utility dagger, he came to the conclusion that he wasn’t in the camp anymore. The cat was easily as big as he was, and it was pouncing to attack. Oarly’s dagger wasn’t there. He rolled quickly to the side and found himself in thin air. As he fell, he saw that he was high up the valley slope, above the camp. His heart was in his throat when he hit the rocky ground half a second later. He’d only fallen a few feet. The cat bounded off of the shelf where he had just been and leapt down at him as he rolled through the undergrowth to the valley bottom.

Oarly managed to roll to his feet, stop himself, and turn to meet the beast head on. The cat got a good claw in and opened the dwarf’s shoulder, but Oarly muscled it down and sank his teeth into its nose. In a wild fit of utter terror, the wildcat wiggled and scrabbled and tried to get free. In the process, it sliced Oarly to ribbons with its razor claws. Oarly finally roared and twisted at the wildcat’s neck until it snapped in his grasp.

After a moment, he rolled off the dead animal and inspected himself. He wasn’t dying, but by Doon he had a dozen long, bleeding furrows torn through his chest and thighs. He made a mental reminder to relentlessly pursue his revenge for those who were responsible for this jest. He didn’t consider it anything more than that. He would much rather be shredded by a wildcat than endure a day of feeling the effects of squat weed.

Oarly got to his feet, grabbed the dead beast by the scruff of the neck, and dragged it into the camp. He was pleased to find everyone, except for the wide-eyed, open-mouthed archer, sound asleep. The poor archer didn’t even try to protect Jicks or Phen. The sight of the bloody dwarf dragging the mountain cat was enough to leave him awestruck.

Jicks, who should have been awake, was Oarly’s first victim. He knew Jicks would have helped Phen. He was the only one with nards enough to buck Welch. Oarly had been expecting the two of them to pull something. He threw the mountain cat on the sleeping boy and then leapt on top of the pile, keeping the wild animal’s head in Jicks face while he screamed out in terror. The camp came alive then. Only Lord Gregory’s sharp eye kept the waking archer from loosing arrows on the hairy, bloody thing on top of Jicks.

“Phen, you’re in for a horribly long trip,” Oarly yelled. “Remember the cinder pepper? You will beg for that kind of pain.”

“By the gods, Master Oarly, you need attention,” Lieutenant Welch said, trying to calm the wild-looking dwarf.

“No, sir,” Oarly yelled, holding the wildcat’s carcass over his head. “This here wildcat needs the attention. How did you do it, lad?” Oarly asked Phen, blowing bloody spittle from his mouth as he spoke. “Did your blasted little lyna tell the mountain cat to get me? How did you do it? Tell me lad. Tell me how you did it?”

“I didn’t have a wild animal attack you,” Phen said defensively. “We only took you up there because you were snoring so loudly at night.”

“All right then, lad, don’t tell me how you did it.” Oarly threw the wildcat back on top of Jicks. “It was a good trick, I’ll grant ya. But of all of these people, you know the revenge I’ll be exacting on you. It’s a matter of pride now.”

Everyone in the group was speechless. None of them, not even Phen, who knew Oarly better than anyone in the realm, could imagine the dwarf killing the wildcat with his bare hands. And to believe that he thought it was all some elaborate jest was baffling.

Phen mumbled another apology about the wildcat, but Oarly wasn’t trying to hear it. Telgra glared at Phen until he was shamed.

“Come, Master Oarly,” Telgra said sweetly. “We need to tend your wounds. Let these fools clean your kill and make our morning meal.”

Oarly looked at her stupidly for a moment, then down at himself. He was dripping blood from the slices in his skin and breathing quite heavily. “I need me flask, Lady Telgra,” he said in a calmer tone.

“Of course you do.” She gave Phen a look that pierced him deeply. “Phen will fetch it, won’t you, Phen?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Phen said, looking at his marble-colored boots.

Jicks was sitting up now, wiping the tears from his face. It wasn’t clear what had scared him more, the wildcat, or the wild-eyed dwarf. Either would be terrifying to wake up to.

“If you’re done crying like a babe,” the lieutenant said, “then you can explain to me how Master Oarly got close enough to you to scare you to tears. You were on watch duty, boy.”

Jicks flushed bright scarlet and looked away.

“It’s my fault, lieutenant,” Phen insisted. “I talked him into helping me trick Oarly.”

“That has nothing to do with the fact that Jicks was sleeping on his watch,” the lieutenant said. “He put every single one of us at risk, and I’m not about to let him forget it.”

“Latrine duty for the duration of this quest is a start,” Lord Gregory said. “I fell asleep on watch duty once, Jicks. My captain had me shoveling horse shit out of every stable he could find for a year.” The Lion Lord smiled, seeing that Jicks understood the magnitude of his mistake. “I’m sure Lieutenant Welch will come up with a comparable punishment for you. As for Master Oarly’s mishap, I think that we are all to blame for that. I just hate to think about how he will get us back. According to the High King, Oarly is one of the most ruthless tricksters in the realm.”