Melina Marchetta - Finnikin of the Rock

"Why are you telling us what we already know, Augie?" Perri asked tersely.

"I have Lucian looked out for," Trevanion said. "He has his uncles and his yata, and the Mont lads are under constant training."

"And who is guarding the novices of Sagrami?" Lord August continued. "It's too secluded out there in the west, and if we ever have a repeat of—"

"Tesadora and the novices are protected," Perri said firmly, "whether they know it or not. Men trained by me, Augie. So anyone who decides to walk into that part of the kingdom for no good reason may find himself with the sharp edge of a dagger across his throat. Now, do you have any other questions about the protection of this kingdom?"

Lord August stared from Perri to Trevanion and Moss. "Tell me our Perri's not sharing the viper's bed?" he asked Trevanion.

Moss chuckled. "Brave man indeed who strips himself bare in front of that one."

Trevanion saw Lady Abian walking down the path to the manor house on her return from the palace village.

"Gentlemen!" she called out with a wave.

They held up their hands in acknowledgment.

"Finnikin?" she asked. "Where is he? I have seen little of him, Trevanion."

"In Sarnak. On palace business," he called back. "I'll have him come see you as soon as he returns." He heard a snort of laughter beside him as Lady Abian shook her head in disapproval and proceeded toward the house.

"Oh, you really told her to mind her business," Perri mocked.

Later, Trevanion, Moss, and Perri traveled farther into the kingdom, as they had done each day since their return. Trevanion knew the people of Lumatere felt comforted by the presence of his men, and he made it a priority to ensure they were visible in as many villages as possible. He was careful, trying to find the fine line between authority and protection. It was Lady Abian who suggested that the Guard not wear formal uniforms. Both the exiles and those trapped inside had been victims of the violence delivered by guards across the land. Instead, they wore gray and blue, colors representing both goddesses.

In the afternoon, they reached a village at the edge of the Flatlands, where men and women worked together to prepare the soil. Before the others realized what was happening, Perri had leaped off his horse. "Froi," he said with satisfaction.

Trevanion sighed with relief. In addition to his own fondness for the boy, he had feared the queen's anguish if they had lost him.

Froi saw Perri and Moss coming toward him, and he couldn't stop the smile, couldn't stop the happiness he felt inside as he put down his tools. And then Perri was grabbing him and they both pretended it was a tussle but really it was a hug.

"Where've you been, Froi?"

"Been here. Working a strip," he told them.

"Has our boy got some crazy notion he'll earn enough to buy a small pocket himself?" Moss asked, and Froi liked the way Moss said "our boy" as if Froi belonged to them instead of belonging to no one. Sometimes, during their travels, he had imagined there was someone inside Lumatere searching for him. But there had been no mother like Lady Abian or father like Trevanion waiting. No kin who recognized him as theirs.

Perri ruffled his hair. "Moss, go see the bailiff and tell him Froi's coming with us."

Perri began to walk back to the road, and Froi followed to where he could see the captain astride his horse. But then Froi looked back to where his work lay unfinished and it made him sad because there had been something about the touch of earth in his hands that made him feel worthwhile.

"Disappear like that again, boy, and I will send you back to Sarnak, where they found you," the captain growled when Froi reached him. "Where I'm certain Finnikin is roaming the streets looking for you as we speak."

Froi felt his eyes smart, but he kept his anger and hurt inside because anger made him want to spit and that was the last thing he wanted to do to the captain.

"What have you been doing, Froi?"

"Plowing, Captain," he said quietly.

"Plowing?"

"Soon they'll begin the planting. Barley and oats and onions and cabbage. There they'll plant ten apple, five pear, and two cherry trees," he said, pointing up to the mountains. "The ones donated by Osteria."

"Get on my horse, Froi," the captain said, holding out a hand to him. "You belong with us."

And as much as Froi wanted to belong with them, he stared at the hand the captain was holding out to him but didn't take it. "To do what?" he asked.

"The Guard protects the kingdom, Froi. The people of Lumatere honor us by allowing us to protect them," Perri explained.

"But I can't," he said, and he could feel the captain and Perri staring at him and he wanted to say all the right things to them. He had tried to explain to one of the workers the other day how being with the Guard and Evanjalin and the priest-king and Finnikin and Sir Topher had made him feel, but he hadn't been able to find the words for it.

"That's respect," she told him later when she understood what he was trying to say. He had never heard that word before and although he knew what he felt for them was fierce, it didn't mean he could protect the kingdom with them.

When the captain leaned down to hoist him onto the horse, Froi tried to speak but it came out like a whisper. "How can I be part of the Guard and protect this kingdom when I feel noting for it? Captain Trevanion, they made a mistake. Finnikin and Evanjalin and Sir Topher. I'm not from here. I can tell from the way the others watch me. It's as if they sense fings of me. Fings I don't know myself." He stared down at the ground because he didn't want the captain to see his face.

"Everyone looks at each other that way these days, Froi. Brothers and sisters, fathers and sons. Even those who were once lovers," the captain said.

Froi looked from Perri to the captain. "How can I die for any of the Guard? It's what you're supposed to do, isn't it? If somefing happens?"

Perri nodded.

"I wouldn't," he said truthfully. "I'd protect myself first."

Moss approached them, looking happy, but the smile left his face when he saw their expressions.

"You're Lumateran, Froi. You'd fight for this kingdom," Perri said, but Froi shook his head.

"It's just a word. Lumatere. Feel nofing for it, except for this patch of land I've worked on."

"Nothing. For no one?" Moss asked.

Froi thought for a moment. "I fink I'd die for Evanjalin. Probably Finnikin too."

"She is the queen," the Captain said firmly. "She's not Evanjalin, Froi."

"Whoever she is, I fink I'd die for her and Finnikin. Because that time in Sarnak when she came searching, sometimes I fink she didn't come back for that ring. It was for me." He realized it was the first time he had ever said anything like that out loud and it made him think of saying other things in his head that were the truth. "But I wouldn't die for anyone else. Not even you free or the priest-king or Sir Topher. I'd sell you out the first moment someone convinced me."

The captain gave a short laugh of disbelief, but he seemed amused all the same, and then Perri joined in.

"He would," Perri agreed. "I believe him."

Froi felt ashamed, but Perri flicked him under the chin with his thumb. "So would have I, Froi. At your age."

"I don't understand," Moss said. "Finnikin's lads from the village are begging us to let them train with the Guard."

"Climb up on my horse," the captain said with a sigh, his arm still extended.

Froi didn't dare disobey, and with a heavy heart he held on as they rode toward the palace. As he took in the Flatlands on both sides of the road, he realized that it scared him, all these people and all this work they had to do and the way some of the villagers who had worked around him would drop their planting tools and just cry. Men, too, not just women, and it was a different crying from what Lady Celie had done in Belegonia. It was the type of crying that gave him tears and most times he pretended there was dirt in his eyes. Deep down, Froi wanted it to go back to the time when it was just them hiding in the woods and there weren't so many people to feel sad for.