Brian Kittrell - The Consuls of the Vicariate

“I’m sure he looked past that, Val. Your father must have loved you above all other things in this world.”

She nodded. “I know, but I have regrets.”

“Ah, yes. Regret. I know it well, but I move forward. I find a way.”

“How? You seem to find the path so easily.”

“It’s never easy, Val. Only quickly done, often as fast as the regrettable decision was made.”

“That still doesn’t answer my question.”

“The how is different for everyone. When the thoughts crop up in my head, I remind myself why I’m doing this, who I’m doing it for. It gets me through it.”

“My regret is that I never got a chance to tell him ‘I’m sorry.’” Valyrie tightly clasped her hands in her lap, then rubbed them together.

Laedron nodded. “We rarely get the chances we want. I’m sure our parents understand, though. It’s nice to hear an apology when you’ve been wronged, but they would forgive us, Val.”

“I hope you’re right.”

“Why don’t you tell me of your home?” Laedron asked.

“My home? You’ve seen it.”

“No, I mean the details. The little things that an outsider might not know or see.”

She searched her thoughts, then grinned. “I’m happy that Azura was a woman.”

Laedron tilted his head in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“This country is a difficult place to live at times, and it favors males over females. The church, the militia, the merchant guilds-all of it is based upon patriarchal hierarchies. If Azura had been a man, we women would likely be forgotten as doers of menial housework and ensuring men always had full bellies.”

“Ah, I see,” Laedron said. “Nothing wrong with a full belly, but I see your point.”

“Is Sorbia the same way?”

“What do you mean? Do we keep women as slaves?”

“Yes. How are they treated in your homeland?”

“We’re…” Laedron paused, as if trying to find the right word to use. “I suppose you could call it egalitarian .”

She gave him a broad smile, and Laedron asked, “What? It means-”

“I know what it means, Lae-equal, balanced. I like a man who knows his way with words. I am studying to be a lyricist, after all.”

He swallowed hard, and she detected that familiar awkwardness and fumbling that he had displayed at their first meeting. “Of course. I… um… a lyricist?” he asked.

“Yes, of course. A composer of tales, a singer of songs.” She raised her hand. “To sing of heroes loved and lost, to speak of things uncommon to lore, and to pen the tales to preserve for posterity.”

“You’ve got a certain flair for it. Can’t argue with you there.”

She chuckled. “Of course, my father would hear nothing of it. He wanted me to be a seneschal, a keeper of books in some noble’s house.”

“Good money in that,” Laedron said, at first with confidence, then his voice trailed off when she glared at him, “…or so I’ve heard.”

“There’s more to life than gold and silver. I want my riches to be in my words, my wealth to be in the tales I spin, and my happiness to come from my travels and adventures in the wide world.”

“You remind me of how I used to be years ago.” Laedron crossed his feet and stretched out his legs. “So long ago, when things were different.”

“Why did you change?”

“It didn’t take long. When I arrived in Westmarch, the city to the east of my village, and started my training, I changed, little by little. Things that were once exciting seemed more dangerous than they previously had. That danger turned into anxiety, then into fear of what lay ahead on my path.”

“You got over it, though, didn’t you?” Valyrie asked.

“Not completely. I’m thankful for the fear, though. Fear lets you know you’re still alive, the same way pain does. If I had been more brazen, I’d likely be dead by now-me and my friends.”

“It took courage to do what you’ve done.”

“Courage is easily confused with having the will to do what is necessary. A brave man without fear is simply too foolish to understand the consequences or outcomes. He is a danger to himself and to others.”

“Whether courageous or strong of will, I’m glad that you held fast to the goal, Lae,” she said, leaning closer. “Above all, I’m grateful that you’ve come here.”

He dipped his head. “You are?”

She took his hand in hers again. “Yes, Lae. I…” She paused and looked away. Take a chance or leave it alone?

“Yes?” Laedron asked. “Please, continue.”

A chance it is, then . “I have feelings for you, Lae. Feelings that I’ve had since we first met.”

“Really?” he asked.

She fought the urge to shake her head. Men truly are blind to matters of the heart . “Yes.”

“I–I feel the same way.”

“I hadn’t noticed,” she said with a snicker.

“What?”

“You couldn’t have been any more obvious.” She smiled.

He grinned, but then frowned.

“What’s the matter? Aren’t you happy?”

“I worry, Val. I… are you sure that you feel this way, or is it something else?”

“I’m sure, Laedron. I wouldn’t have said it otherwise.”

He nodded, but he still seemed to have something on his mind.

“Don’t hide from me. What’s bothering you?”

“I don’t quite know how to put it.” He pulled his hand from hers.

“Then speak plainly. You’re not going to offend me.”

“All right.” He took a deep breath. “I only want to make sure that your interest in me isn’t because your father passed.”

“No, Lae. I’ve felt this way for some time, and I know that you have.”

His face showed his confusion. “Then, why? Why tell me these things now?”

“Because you almost died, for one. The first thing that went through my mind was what might have been. I asked myself, ‘Had I talked to him, would things have ended differently?’ I told myself that I wouldn’t let things pass me by any longer. If I ever got the chance, I’d do something about my feelings.” She sighed and reached for his hand. “When they saved you from dying, I decided that I wouldn’t let the opportunity pass again.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“There’s nothing left to say. We’ve said all there is.” She slid off her chair and onto the edge of the bed, then leaned forward. Running her fingers through his hair, she said, “Words shall keep us apart no longer.”

“I-”

She raised a finger to his lips. “Relax.” She lowered her hand, then closed her eyes. She tried to take her own advice, but she could feel her heartbeat drumming in her chest. Electrifying chills tingled her fingertips while the heat of a bonfire burned deep within her heart.

Inching closer and closer, she finally felt her lips connect with his, and the kiss told her volumes about Laedron-of his restraint, his respect for her, and of his desire. That simple kiss said more of the connection they clearly felt for one another, and she was convinced that, despite having kissed others, what she felt was unlike any other she had experienced. Is this love?It can be nothing else .

She couldn’t help but let out a quiet giggle when she opened her eyes and saw Laedron’s eyes still closed and the expression on his face indicative of the pleasure of the moment. She cleared her throat.

Opening his eyes, he gave her a wide grin. “That was amazing.”

She took a deep breath, a smile and a tear coming at the same time.

“What’s wrong, Val? Do you feel that we’ve made a mistake?” Laedron asked. He reached up and wiped away her tear.

“No, Lae,” she said, lifting her face to the ceiling. “I never thought that I’d be happy again-that I could be happy. ‘Tis a tear of joy.”