Richard Ford - The Shattered Crown

‘Majesty,’ said Garret rising gingerly as his old joints protested. ‘Please allow me to present my four best swords. Statton, Waldin, Merrick and Kaira. Each has volunteered to be among your personal guard.’

That’s not exactly true is it, Garret. I don’t remember asking to volunteer.

‘Please rise,’ said the queen, and the four of them stood up. For a moment the queen looked them over with an appraising eye. Then she rose from her throne. ‘Walk with me.’

With that she walked across the throne room and right past them. Garret looked momentarily flustered but he followed anyway. Kaira glanced to Merrick but he merely shrugged. It was clearly an unexpected breach of protocol. Merrick was beginning to like Queen Janessa already.

They followed her through the winding corridors, down through the depths of the palace until they came out into the garden. It was all bare trees and bushes. Here and there stood shaped topiary that looked distinctly worse for wear in the chill winter air.

‘You can remain here, Captain,’ said Janessa, and Garret hung back as the five of them strolled on along a paved route through the garden. Merrick glanced back, and saw a look of furrowed concern on Garret’s face.

Best watch your mouth, Ryder, or there’ll be the hells to pay.

‘How long have you served in the Sentinels?’ asked the queen, moving her hand across a bush of dried and darkened lavender.

Waldin and Statton told her of the years they had spent within the Sentinels. When Kaira and Merrick remained in awkward silence, Janessa turned to them expectantly.

‘Only a matter of weeks, Majesty,’ Merrick replied. Under the circumstances he thought it best he do the talking — Kaira had never been one for easy conversation.

‘And yet Garret puts you among my personal guard. He must trust you implicitly.’

‘Though I, myself, have not been a Sentinel long, my father served among their number. I often visited the palace as a child.’

Janessa looked at him curiously. ‘So you are carrying on a family tradition?’

For all the bloody good it’s done me . ‘I am, Majesty.’

‘Then it seems we are both following in our father’s footsteps.’

That thought galled him, more than he could have expected. The idea that he was following that old bastard Tannick Ryder anywhere filled Merrick with sudden revulsion.

‘And you, Kaira?’ said the queen. ‘Why are you such a trusted servant?’

Kaira didn’t answer. Her mouth opened to voice a reply but she seemed lost for words, being unused to singing her own praises, especially in front of royalty.

‘Kaira Stormfall is a former Shieldmaiden, Majesty,’ Merrick interjected. ‘And a woman of few words.’

Janessa turned to him, appraising him. ‘You are used to speaking for the women close to you, Merrick?’ He wasn’t sure how to respond. ‘I can assure you,’ Janessa continued, ‘you will not have to speak for me.’

‘I would never presume-’

‘No, please don’t.’ She turned, carrying on through the gardens.

As he followed, Merrick couldn’t help but be intrigued by her self-assurance. Maybe he had underestimated her. Maybe she had it in her to be a ruler after all.

After some moments of silence Janessa stopped, and stood staring up at a bare tree as she said, ‘Would you give your lives for me?’

He hadn’t expected such directness, but Merrick already knew the appropriate answer.

‘We are sworn to defend the bearer of the Steel Crown unto death, Majesty.’

‘I didn’t ask you to repeat your oath, Merrick. But since that’s your answer, how do you really feel about it?’

How do I feel about it? I feel fucking great. I can’t wait to fling myself in front of the spears and arrows that are inevitably heading your way.

‘We-’

‘We live to serve, Majesty,’ Kaira cut in. ‘To serve the city of Steelhaven. Serve the Crown. And to serve you. Our feelings were put aside when we made our oaths. We are now dedicated to this task, nothing else.’

Queen Janessa smiled at this. Then shook her head. ‘I ask because I would never expect anyone to lay down their life for me. I’ve never wanted that.’

She looked wistful, as if she was thinking of someone in particular. Merrick knew men had died during previous attempts to assassinate her. From her reaction it seemed the queen felt responsible, and the guilt weighed on her.

‘If it’s any consolation, Majesty, I’ve no intention of being killed.’

He’d said it without thinking. Flippant. Stupid. But where he might have expected a reprimand, she merely smiled.

‘Neither have I, Merrick,’ she said. ‘So there we are. None of us will be killed. I could ask for no more.’

With that she made her way back through the garden to where Garret stood. The captain of the Sentinels looked concerned, but the Queen placed a reassuring hand on his arm and said, ‘They will do, Garret. A good choice, I think,’ before making her way back into the palace.

Garret looked with some relief at Merrick. ‘Managed not to mess that up,’ he said. ‘Well done.’

‘Was there ever cause for doubt?’ Merrick replied with a grin. Garret just shook his head and followed after the queen.

Later, back at the barracks, as the sky began to darken Merrick and Janessa donned their armour. Merrick’s earlier confidence was gone, and he wondered what in the hells he had let himself in for.

He was risking his life for a woman — a girl — he didn’t even know. A queen … his queen, but what in the hells did that actually mean? Merrick had never been a worshipper of faith or Crown and now here he was, preparing himself to offer his life for someone ordained as his superior.

It smacked of horseshit.

Where was the profit? Where was his angle? His reward for all this? If the other men of the Sentinels spoke true, the assassins that might be coming to kill her were prodigious of strength and unequalled in speed. Skilled beyond the ability of normal men. And here he was, Merrick Ryder, exemplary swordsman maybe, but hardly superhuman, tasked with protecting her.

He glanced across at Kaira and saw she wore her armour with honour, her expression free of doubt or reservation. For a moment, a fleeting second of madness, he envied Kaira her blind devotion, her naive dedication. What he would have given to be so stalwart in mind and principle.

But he wasn’t. He’d never done anything for anyone but himself. Never risked his own neck for friend or family. Never willingly risked his coin for someone else, let alone his life.

‘Is this the right thing for us?’

He asked the question before he could stop himself. Even though he knew the answer, knew what she’d say, he just had to ask it.

Kaira glanced over at him. No misgivings. No hesitation. ‘Yes. This is a duty. Yours as well as mine. You know it’s the right thing to do, and that’s where your doubt comes from.’

He thought on that for a moment but could make no sense of it.

‘What do you mean?’

‘Your doubt means you’re changing, Merrick. It means you’re becoming a responsible human being.’

How very fucking reassuring. ‘That’s worth getting killed for, is it?’

Kaira shook her head. ‘We all die, sooner or later. Would dying for nothing be your preferred way?’

‘My preferred way would be living.’

‘Yes, you’ve already made that clear. But one day soon, you might have to make a choice. Might have to offer your life for someone else. You need to decide if you’ve got that in you. And you need to decide it soon.’

With that, she made her way from the barrack room, leaving the door open for him to follow.