Margaret Weis - The Second Generation

“Yes,” Justarius replied.

Caramon’s face darkened. His gaze went to his sword, his eyes narrowed thoughtfully, his hand absently fingering the hilt. “Then I will tell you,” he said, speaking reluctantly, yet in a firm, low voice, “what I have never told anyone—not my wife, not Tanis, not anyone.” He was silent a moment more, collecting his thoughts. Then, swallowing and brushing his hand across his eyes, keeping his gaze on the sword, he began. “I was numb after ... after what happened in the tower in Palanthas. I couldn’t think. I didn’t want to think.

“It was easier to go through the day like a sleepwalker. I moved, I talked, but I didn’t feel. It was easy.” He shrugged. “There was a lot to do to keep me occupied. The dry was in ruins. Dalamar”—he glanced briefly at the dark elf—“was nearly dead, Revered Daughter Crysania hurt badly. Then there was Tas—stealing that floating citadel.” In spite of himself, Caramon smiled, remembering the antics of the merry kender. But the smile—soon faded.

Shaking his head, he continued.

“I knew that someday I’d have to think about Raistlin. I’d have to sort it out in my mind.” Raising his head, Caramon looked at Justarius directly. “I had to make myself understand what Raistlin was, what he had done. I came to face the fact that he was evil, truly evil, that he had jeopardized the entire world in his lust for power, that innocent people had suffered and died because of him.”

“And for this, of course, he was granted salvation!” Dalamar sneered.

“Wait!” Caramon raised his hand, flushing. “I came to realize something else. I loved Raistlin. He was my brother, my twin. We were close—no one knows how close.” The big man could not go on, but stared down at his sword, frowning, until, drawing a shaking breath, he raised his head again. “Raistlin did some good in his life. Without him, we couldn’t have defeated the dragonarmies. He cared for those who ... who were wretched, sick... like himself. But even that, I know, wouldn’t have saved him at the end.” Caramon’s lips pressed together firmly as he blinked back his tears. “When I met him in the Abyss, he was near victory, as you well know. He had only to reenter the portal, draw the Dark Queen through it, and then he would be able to defeat her and take her place. He would achieve his dream of becoming a god. But in so doing, he would destroy the world. My journey into the future showed that to me—and I showed the future to him. Raistlin would become a god—but he would rule over a dead world. He knew then that he couldn’t return. He had doomed himself. He knew the risks he faced, however, when he entered the Abyss.”

“Yes,” said Justarius quietly. “And, in his ambition, he chose freely to take those risks. What is it you are trying to say?”

“Just this,” Caramon returned. “Raistlin made a mistake, a terrible, tragic mistake. And he did what few of us can do—he had courage enough to admit it and try to do what he could to rectify it, even though it meant sacrificing himself.”

“You have grown in wisdom over the years, Caramon Majere. What you say is convincing.” Justarius regarded Caramon with new respect, even as the archmage shook his head sadly.

“Still, this is a question for philosophers toargue. It is not proof. Forgive me for pressing you, Caramon, but—”

“I spent a month at Tanis’s, before I went home,” Caramon continued as if he hadn’t heard the interruption. “It was in his quiet, peaceful home that I thought about all this. It was there that I first had to come to grips with the fact that my brother—my companion since birth, the person that I loved better than anyone else on this world—was gone. Lost. For all I knew, trapped in horrible torment. I... I thought, more than once, about taking the edge off my pain with dwarf spirits again.” Caramon closed his eyes, shuddering. “One day, when I didn’t think I could live anymore without going mad, I went into my room and locked the door. Taking out my sword, I looked at it, thinking how easy it would be to ... to escape. I lay on my bed, fully intending to kill myself. Instead, I fell into an exhausted sleep. I don’t know how long I slept, but when I woke up, it was night. Everything was quiet, Solinari’s silver light shone in the window, and I was filled with a sense of inexpressible peace. I wondered why ... and then I saw him.”

“Saw who?” Justarius asked, exchanging quick glances with Dalamar.

“Raistlin?”

“Yes.”

The faces of the two wizards grew grim.

“I saw him,” said Caramon gently, “lying beside me, asleep, just like when... when we were young. He had terrible dreams sometimes. He’d wake, weeping, from them. I’d comfort him and... and make him laugh. Then he’d sigh, lay his head on my arm, and fall asleep. That’s how I saw him—”

“A dream!” Dalamar scoffed.

“No.” Caramon shook his head resolutely. “It was too real. I saw his face as I see yours. I saw his face as I had seen it last, in the Abyss. Only now the terrible lines of pain, the twisted marks of greed and evil were gone, leaving it smooth and... at rest—like Crysania said. It was the face of my brother, my twin... not the stranger he’d become.” Caramon wiped his eyes again. “The next day, I was able to go home, knowing that everything was all right.... For the first time in my life, I believed in Paladine. I knew that he understood Raistlin and judged him mercifully, accepting his sacrifice.”

“He has you there, Justarius,” boomed a voice from out of the shadows. “What do you say to faith like that?”

Looking around quickly, Caramon saw four figures materialize out of the shadows of the vast chamber. Three he recognized and, even in this grim place, with its storehouse of memories, his eyes blurred again, only these were tears of pride as he looked upon his sons. The older two, armor clanking and swords rattling, appeared somewhat subdued, he noticed. Not unusual, he thought grimly, considering all they had heard about the tower, both in legend and family history. Then, too, they felt about magic the way he himself felt—both disliked and distrusted it. The two stood protectively, as usual, one on each side of Caramon’s third son, their younger brother.

It was this youngest son that Caramon looked at anxiously as they entered.

Dressed in his white robes, Palin approached the head of the conclave with his head bowed, his eyes on the floor, as was proper for one of his low rank and station. Having just turned twenty, he wasn’t even an apprentice yet and probably wouldn’t be until he was twenty-five at least. That is the age when magic-users in Krynn may choose to take the Test—the grueling examination of their skills and talents in the Art, which all must pass before they can acquire more advanced and dangerous knowledge. Because magicians wield such great power, the Test is designed to weed out those who are unskilled or who do not take their art seriously. It does this very effectively—failure means death. There is no turning back. Once a young man or woman of any race—elven, human, ogre—decides to enter the Tower of High Sorcery with the intent of taking the Test—he or she commits body and soul to the magic. Palin seemed unusually troubled and serious, just as he had on their journey to the tower—almost as if he were about to take the Test himself. But that’s ridiculous, Caramon reminded himself sternly. The boy is too young.

Granted, Raistlin took the Test at this age, but that was because the conclave needed him. Raistlin was strong in his magic, excelling in the Art, and—even so—the Test had nearly killed him. Caramon could still see his twin lying on the bloodstained stone floor of the tower... He clenched his fist. No! Palin is intelligent, he is skilled, but he’s not ready. He’s too young.