Andrew Buckley - Stiltskin

“He’s right, you know, and I have no intention of hiding it. Why should we hide our true selves when people like Rumpelstiltskin are free to be exactly who they are? We won’t hide anymore, everyone will know exactly who and what we are!” Tweedle Dum let loose a chilling laugh.

“I’m scared,” said Tweedle Dee.

“You should be!” said Tweedle Dum. “They all should be!”

Lightning flashed across the sky and a shrill scream rang out from the Tower, hiding the giddy laughter coming from the small, fat figure waddling his way across the bridge.

Robert and Lily had cut across one of the fields to get to the graveyard quicker. The sheep in the fields posed no problem. As soon as they caught a whiff of Lily’s scent, they all headed for the farthest corner of the field and huddled there, silently hoping the wolf in women’s clothing wouldn’t bother them.

Robert didn’t have Lily’s natural ability to see in the dark and he was having trouble avoiding the hundred or so piles of sheep crap that littered the field. After a while, he just gave up.

They reached the edge of the field and climbed over the short wall into the graveyard. Lily suddenly grabbed Robert and pulled him down behind a gravestone and put a finger to her lips.

“There’s someone here already,” she whispered.

“Is it the Dwarf?”

“It doesn’t sound like the Dwarf,” she whispered. Her eyes suddenly grew large in surprise. “What?” said Lily and stood up and strode off toward the voices.

Robert hurried to keep up.

What he saw, once they were close enough, was the same Dwarf that he’d found in his bathtub almost an eternity ago, covered in mud, holding a shovel, the Agent whom he knew as Jack, and a very full-looking garbage bag.

Lily marched right up to Jack, who was no longer leaning against the gravestone but standing at his full height.

“What do you think you’re doing, Jack?” asked Lily.

“Hello again, Darkly,” said the Dwarf with a sneer.

“Stiltskin,” said Robert.

“Find your daddy yet?”

“Actually no, been a little busy chasing you around.”

“I won’t ask again, Jack. What are you doing with the Dwarf?” asked Lily, stabbing a finger at his chest.

“It doesn’t concern you, Lily, go home,” said Jack matter-of-factly.

“Go home? Are you out of your mind? I’m not going anywhere until you tell me exactly what’s going on!”

“Go on, tell her, Jack, she’s going to figure it out anyway,” said the Dwarf.

“Shut up!” said Jack.

Robert eyed the garbage bag that was resting on the ground next to Jack.

“I wonder if that’s the body of the last Bastinda?” said the voice in Robert’s head.

“Excuse me,” said Robert, “but I don’t suppose that’s the remains of Elise Bastinda in that garbage bag, is it?”

“Good guess, Darkly. You might just be as smart as your father,” said the Dwarf.

“Aren’t you curious who your father is?” asked the voice.

“Well, of course I am,” replied Robert.

“Modest, too,” said the Dwarf.

“Will you two shut up?” snapped Jack.

“Enough!” said Lily, grabbing a handful of Jack’s shirt and lifting him clear off the ground. The tall man wriggled, but her grip was obviously too strong.

“Don’t make me do this, Lily,” growled Jack.

“Do what?” she asked.

“Lily, I wish you were unconscious,” said Jack.

“Granted,” said the Dwarf.

Jack landed on his feet as Lily’s body slid to the ground.

“Lily!” shouted Robert.

Jack rolled Lily’s body into the open grave of the last Bastinda and she slid unceremoniously into the open casket.

“No!” said Robert and punched Jack in the face. Every bone in his hand hurt. “Shit, that hurt.”

“This’ll hurt more,” said the Dwarf from behind him.

Robert’s first impulse was to ask what will hurt more but before he had a chance the back of his head was greeted by the flat side of the shovel and all he managed to get out was, “What wurrlll…?”

His body must have been getting used to being rendered unconscious. As he collapsed to the floor, he could still hear what was going on. For example, he knew that the tingly feeling on his side was his body sliding down into the grave. The thump he heard was his body rolling into the casket on top of Lily. He heard the Dwarf laugh. There was a creak, which he assumed was the casket lid closing. What followed were several deep thumps, which Robert knew to be the sound of Jack and the Dwarf burying them alive.

“Hold it together, Robert,” said the voice in his head. And the voice sounded calm.

That should mean I’m calm, thought Robert, slowly regaining consciousness. And then madness and fear overtook him and he began to scream like a six-year-old girl.

Robert had never suffered from claustrophobia; however, being buried alive really made him reprioritize his top five fears. He’d finally given up on screaming when he realized how pointless it was. He could hear thunder outside and assumed the storm must be raging in the skies. Lily was still unconscious. One had to assume that Elise Bastinda was a large lady, as Robert and Lily both fit into the casket and still had some room to spare. He wondered how long it would take to run out of oxygen. Everything was so dark.

“Of course it’s dark,” said the voice in Robert’s head, “you’re in a grave. Not exactly going to be flood-lit, is it?”

“Well, at least you’re still here.”

“You should try waking her up.”

“I wouldn’t know where to start.”

“You could throw water on her?” suggested the voice.

“Where am I going to get water? I’m in a coffin.”

“You could spit on her?”

“I’m not spitting on her. That’s just rude.”

“That’s a good point. Try pinching her?”

“Worth a try. Where do I pinch her?”

“Well, I’d suggest maybe her neck?”

“Her neck?”

“Well, you don’t want to pinch anywhere private. That’s just rude.”

“Right.” Robert fumbled around in the dark, struggled to bring his arms up closer to his head, and felt around what must have been the back of Lily’s head. He noted that her hair was very smooth, like a Labrador’s.

“Are you actually comparing her to a dog?” said the voice.

“Well, you have to admit it’s not a long stretch.”

He brushed her hair aside and felt down to her neck and pinched hard.

Several things happened. Lily swore colourfully as her hand came up extremely fast and smacked Robert in the nose, who also swore, only with less colour.

“What the hell are you doing?” said Lily.

“Shnorry,” said Robert, whose hand was cupped over his nose.

“Where are we?”

“We’ve been buried alive.”

“That bastard. Wait until I get hold of them. How’s your nose?”

“I don’t think it’s broken. Maybe I missed something up there but I thought that Jack was on our side?”

“It was Jack. That’s how the Dwarf escaped in the first place. Jack must have helped him.”

“But what does Jack have to gain from the doors being unregulated?”

“I don’t suppose we could talk about this once we’re out of the grave?”

“How are we going to get out of here? We’ve been buried alive. In fact, why aren’t you panicking?”

“Why aren’t you?”

“I did all my screaming already,” said Robert.