L. Modesitt - Natural Ordermage

“I knew that, but I don’t know of other order-abilities or how to discover them or what they might be. There are hints in the book, but I can’t sense when it might rain, and I can’t feel what’s under the ground. I can feel a bit when things aren’t put together right, like ink, and I can sometimes sense where things are in the dark.”

Kadara laughed, harshly. “You have more order-abilities than some who call themselves mages, and you’ve done less with them. Don’t expect anyone to feel sorry for you.”

Rahl wasn’t asking that. “I’m not. I’m asking how I can learn to improve and expand what I know.”

“Have you thought about looking at everything in the way you sense it through order? From the food you eat to the way the printing press is put together? Or looking at the rain that way? Or a building? You can’t do anything until you understand how order and chaos work within it.”

Rahl had to admit that made sense, but he hated admitting it.

“You have to ask questions about how things work before you ask why people do what they do,” Kadara went on. “You’re too wrapped up in Rahl and why everyone’s against poor Rahl. You left a girl in Land’s End with a child. You left your parents behind. You broke two men’s arms. And you’re feeling sorry for yourself.”

Inside himself, Rahl bristled. He wouldn’t have had to break Jeason’s and Jaired’s arms if Puvort hadn’t made them attack, and he wouldn’t have had to leave Land’s End if Puvort hadn’t been so intent on driving Rahl out, even to the point of lying to the Council. But he’d already told the magisters that, and no one paid any attention.

“There are reasons behind what happened. You’ve told us,” Kadara continued. “It doesn’t make any difference. The arms are broken, and the child will be born fatherless, and all that is because you didn’t think far enough ahead. You waited until it was too late to go to the magisters. You decided you knew enough that you didn’t need instruction. You avoided your responsibilities, and when your failure to think ahead created a problem you couldn’t escape, you blamed people who only saw the results of your failures and acted on what they saw.”

All that might be, Rahl fumed, but magisters were supposed to help, not stand aside and watch things go wrong, then blame and condemn.

“Now…the choice is yours. You can start thinking ahead and trying to explore your talents, or you can keep blaming us. I don’t see much point in discussing order and chaos any further at the moment. It won’t do any good until you start thinking for yourself instead of blaming everyone else for your problems.” Kadara stood. “You can talk it over with Leyla on oneday.” With that, she turned and left the study.

Rahl just sat there for a moment, furious, his fists clenching, his jaw tightening, thoughts careening through his mind. Don’t offer any real guidance except to look ahead and develop skills you don’t know about and that no one will tell you about except what not to do. Don’t get angry, and just accept everything we say. And don’t bother us until you admit everything is all your fault.

Finally, he rose and headed for the Hamorian class. It wouldn’t matter if he arrived there early, and he might as well do something from which he could learn-unlike the largely useless sessions with the magisters.

When he walked into the large room, one of the younger girls ran toward him. “Rahl, escara amia ?”

He couldn’t help but smile. “ Escio amia, Coraza.”

Even after less than an eightday, he’d learned more than a few words and phrases of Hamorian, and it seemed as though each day he learned more. More important, Magister Thorl was only concerned about his learning language and customs.

Coraza’s cheerfulness and enthusiasm helped Rahl to put aside Kadara’s stinging and unfair comments for the time while he was learning Hamorian.

After leaving Magister Thorl’s session, Rahl made his way to the mess, where he took a heaping platter of lace potatoes and baked sea bass, along with a mug of ale. He actually took a swig of ale, then refilled the mug before he left the serving area.

“Rahl!”

He looked around and saw Aleasya sitting with another woman. She was motioning for him to join them. Rahl could sense the darkness that signified a magister around the other woman, although she wore dark green, and he hesitated. How could he avoid them? The last person he wanted to meet was another magister.

“Come on!” Aleasya called cheerfully.

With an inner shrug and sigh, Rahl headed for the two. He slid onto the bench beside the weapons instructor.

“Rahl…I’d like you to meet someone. This is Deybri. She’s one of the healers here.”

Deybri was almost as broad-shouldered as Aleasya, but her hair was light brown and curly, barely neck length, and her eyes were brown with gold flecks. She was clearly older, perhaps as much as ten years older than Rahl, but beautiful in a quiet way.

“Oh…I’m glad to meet you,” Rahl managed.

“You were worried that I was a magistra, weren’t you?” asked Deybri. “Don’t fret. I’m not. I don’t judge, lecture, order, or teach anything but how to heal.” She smiled warmly and reassuringly.

Rahl could sense the warmth she radiated, and that warmth felt real. He just returned the smile. “I’m still learning my way around Nylan. In fact, I feel like I’m still just beginning.”

“It takes time, and you haven’t been here long, Aleasya tells me.”

“Less than an eightday.”

“I was just leaving.” Aleasya stood and lifted her platter and mug.

While she was doubtless finished with her meal, Rahl had no doubts that the meeting with Deybri had been at least partly planned. “I hope I’ll see you later.”

“I’m sure you will.” Aleasya nodded and hurried toward the rinse buckets with her platter and mug.

There was a brief moment of silence before Deybri spoke.

“Aleasya says that you’re a possible mage.”

“That’s what she told me. The magisters haven’t bothered.”

“They probably think you know that.”

Rahl shook his head. “I don’t even know what a mage can do. Not really.”

“You know what you can do right now. That’s what a mage can do. Some can do more, and some can do less.”

“What’s the difference between a mage and a healer?” asked Rahl.

“I think it’s not so much ability as inclination. Mages tend to want to move and manipulate things and to understand how they work only so far as such understanding is useful. Healers want to see everything as knit together in some form of harmony. So far as I know, Dorrin was the only great mage who was also a healer and an engineer. All three take order-ability, but how that ability is used is very different.”

“How does a healer use order?”

Deybri smiled. “You’re asking that like a mage.”

“How would a healer ask?”

“That’s a problem. Most healers don’t ask. They feel the lack of order, or the wound chaos and try to do something about it. The hardest part for the healers who are just beginning is knowing what not to do.”

Rahl almost shook his head. Again…they were talking about what not to do, rather than how to do it. “Ah…how can you start by not doing?”

“I suppose I didn’t say that right. Let’s say that someone comes in with a broken bone. If I had enough order strength, I could align the bones and tie them together with order. But they wouldn’t heal right because that order isn’t as strong as the order that the body creates when it heals. So the best thing a healer can do is align the bones, splint the arm to hold it in place while it heals, and remove any wound chaos that would stop proper healing. Most young healers want to do more, because that will reduce the pain…but it slows proper healing. Mostly. If there’s too much pain, that also slows healing, and you have to work out the best balance for the injured person.”