Gene Wolfe - The Wizard

“I yield,” the Knight of the Leopards said. “I beg you spare my life, and Valt’s.”

“You beat me,” I said, but he shook his head violently.

“Can I kill him?” If Heimir had been taken aback by the phantom knights, nothing in his brutish face showed it.

“May,” I said. “No. Or at least not yet.”

“I have insulted your lady mother,” the Knight of the Leopards declared bravely. “It was foolish of me, and I tarnished my honor by besmirching a woman who’d done me no hurt. May I speak with her?”

Heimir looked to Hela. Hela nodded; and Heimir nodded reluctantly as well.

Neither slowly nor swiftly the Knight of the Leopards walked to the sheltered spot where Gerda sat with Berthold, and knelt. “I spoke hastily, My Lady. Your son is angry with me, as he has full right to be. I have nothing to give beyond my apology—everything I brought from home belongs to the Knight of the Dragon now. But—”

“I don’t want anything,” Gerda said. “Nothing from you, though ‘tis kind of you to offer.”

“My sire has a manor in the south,” the Knight of the Leopards told her. “Sandhill Castle is its name. It’s neither large nor rich, yet it is snug enough. If you and your husband will come there with me, he will lodge, clothe, and feed you as long as you wish to remain.”

Berthold rumbled, “You couldn’t speak fairer than that.”

“Do you want to go?” Gerda asked.

“We might have to.”

“My invitation will never be withdrawn,” the Knight of the Leopards assured them. He turned back to me. “Will you let me keep my spurs?”

“We have to think about this,” I told him. “What is mine is yours. You won fairly.”

“I’ve begged for quarter,” the Knight of the Leopards replied. “I’m at your mercy. I only ask my spurs, and that you set a ransom my family can afford.”

“It’s nearly sunset. I’m hungry and so are my servants. Our animals are about starved. Will you feed us?”

“Gladly.”

Visions of southern pastures filled my mind, rich fields of ripe green grass spangled with buttercups and crossed by purling brooks; but I said nothing of them, only, “Then we’ll talk about this in the morning.”

The wind was cold; but we had a roaring fire, with meat, bread, and wine, and oats in plenty. One by one the diners fell away, retiring behind walls of canvas to wrap themselves in blankets and such dreams as visit weary travelers in a cold land, until only Hela (nodding over wine), the Knight of the Leopards, and I were left.

I looked up, calling, “Uri? Uri?”

There was no reply; the Knight of the Leopards said, “Is that one of your servants? I’ll fetch him for you.”

“Can you go to Aelfrice?”

The Knight of the Leopards smiled and shook his head.

“I can. I should be there now and wish I were.”

Hela looked up. “She’s a her.”

“Do you fear I’ll kill you while you sleep?” I asked the Knight of the Leopards. “Or are you waiting to kill me?”

He shook his head again. “I’m not fool enough to think I could kill you.”

“Then go to sleep.”

He hesitated. “I’d hoped to have a word with you while the rest slept.”

“I’ll sleep soon’s I finish this one,” Hela told him. Her voice was thick.

“You must speak now,” I said, “or not speak at all. If Uri won’t come, I’ll have to find a spiny orange without her, one that’s tall and straight. I planted some in a time I’ve almost forgotten, and I’ll see if any will serve.”

“I have heard of that,” the Knight of the Leopards said. “Men make bows of it, sometimes.”

“I have one I made. If you’d let me keep Cloud and my sword, it would be yours. Maybe it’s good you didn’t.”

“You purposed to let me defeat you.” If hot irons had drawn the words, they could have been no more agonized. “I know you must have. Why did you do it?”

“I meant you no harm.”

Hela looked up from her wine. “Hesh not like you.”

The Knight of the Leopards nodded. “Truth from the cup, my father would say. I’m young, Sir Able, but you are not like any other man I’ve seen.”

“You’re young.”

“Four and twenty summers,” he said.

“But I’m just a kid, no older than Toug. I forget it sometimes, and sometimes it seems to me that the Valfather, who forgets nothing, forgets it too.”

“You owe me no boon,” the Knight of the Leopards said, “yet I beg you to answer my question. When you have, I’ll be able to sleep, perhaps.”

Hela belched as horses do. “He don’ never sleep.”

“I’m troubled at times. That’s all.”

“If you’d prefer we spoke in the morning—”

I shook my head. “We’ve got other things to talk over then, or there are things I meant to talk over. You wanted to go into Jotunland. Why you wanted to go there is none of my business, but I’ll answer your question, honestly and in full, if you’ll answer mine first. Will you?”

“Certainly. I was knighted at nineteen. You’ll say that’s early, and it may have been too early. I don’t know. Early or not, I was overjoyed. I felt—no, I boasted—that by my twenty-fifth year I would be famous, that hearing my name on every side, King Arnthor would send for me. War is constant in our part of the country. The nomads raid us and we raid them. I couldn’t tell you how many skirmishes I’ve taken part in.” The Knight of the Leopards shrugged. “Half a dozen arrows, and they run. If you’re lucky, you may cross swords now and then. I’ve done it thrice and once I put my lance through a chieftain.” He sighed.

“Long rides by night, in fear of ambushes that rarely occur. Longer rides under a sun—this is not the place to complain of it. Heat and thirst, sweat to rust your armor, and a scarf tied over your face to keep out the dust. What fame do you think I had from all that?”

I said, “None, I suppose.”

“Exactly right. My mother had a letter from her sister at court. An embassy was going to Utgard, and a relative—distant, but a relative—would be in charge. I left next day.” Frowning, the Knight of the Leopards stirred the fire. “I was too late at Kingsdoom, too late again at Irringsmouth but gaining. I thinks he’s only a day or two ahead of me. Now this.”

“He is a week ahead of you at least.”

“You know that?”

I nodded.

“Yet there might still be a name to be won.”

“By diplomacy?”

“Against the Angrborn. I might best their champions or defend the embassy. They are lawless folk.”

“In which case you could hardly expect their champions to fight fairly.”

“To fight fairly is to fight as well as one can, among other things. Why did you let me defeat you?”

“Hesh deep.” Hela slapped the Knight of the Leopards’ shoulders hard enough to shake him, then rose and stumbled away. Her voice came floating back: “You wash out.”

“I’ll explain. I warn you that you won’t find anything interesting in my explanation.”

“I doubt that.”

“We’ll see. I love Disiri, the Queen of the Moss Aelf. I have all my life, or anyway that’s how it seems now.”

The Knight of the Leopards did not speak.

“You don’t believe in the Aelf. I’ve been to Aelfrice and she’s been with me here. You’ll say I should know other women. I couldn’t love them, and nothing they did could make me stop loving her.”

“You are a fortunate man,” the Knight of the Leopards told me. “Most of us never find such love.”

“Maybe you’re right. Once I nearly forgot her. I was far away from her. Very far.”

“I would think this would be far enough.”

“This is near. That wasn’t—it’s where she can never go. I thought I was happy and others thought so, too. I had strong friends, and they wanted me happy and did everything they could for me.”