Lynn Flewelling - Hidden Warrior

“Ki?”

The other side of the enormous bed was smooth, the pillows plump and undented.

Tobin climbed out and surveyed the large chamber with rising concern. There was no pallet or servant’s alcove and no sign of Ki at all. Where could he be? Tobin headed for the door but a fleeting image in the tall looking glass caught and held him.

There she was at last, that stranger who’d looked at him from Lhel’s spring. Tobin stepped closer, caught between shock and wonder. The stranger did the same, a tall, awkward, frightened-looking girl in a long linen nightdress. They shared the scar on their chins, and the pink wisdom mark on their left forearms.

Tobin slowly pulled the shirt up. The body wasn’t so different, still all whipcord and angles, except for the small breasts that swelled just below the crusted wound. But lower down—

Some thoughtful servant had left the chamber pot in plain sight by the bed. Tobin just made it and collapsed on hands and knees, retching dryly.

The spasm passed and she forced herself back to the mirror. Ringtail twined around her bare ankles. She picked him up, hugging him close.

“That’s me. I’m Tamír now,” she whispered to the cat. Her face was not so different, a little softer, perhaps, but still plain and unremarkable except for the intense blue eyes. Someone had washed away the last bits of ragged skin and brushed it from her hair. It hung in smooth black waves around her face; she tried to imagine it braided with ribbons and pearls.

“No!” Fleeing the mirror again, she looked in vain for her clothes. She went to the closest wardrobe and threw it open. Her mother’s velvets and silks caught the morning light. Slamming the door, she went to the next wardrobe and pulled on one of her father’s dusty tunics, but it was too large. Yanking it off, she took a black cloak from its peg and wrapped herself in that instead.

Her heart hammered in her chest as she rushed to the door to find Ki.

She nearly fell over him. He was dozing on a pallet just outside, sitting with his back to the wall and his chin on his chest. Her headlong rush woke him. Two soldiers standing guard snapped to attention and saluted, but she ignored them.

“What the hell are you doing out here?” she demanded, hating the unfamiliar timbre of her voice. Just now it sounded rather shrill.

“Tob!” Ki scrambled up. “I—That is, it didn’t seem proper—”

“Where are my clothes?”

“We weren’t sure what you’d want.”

“What I’d want? My clothes, damn it. The ones I arrived in!”

Ki turned to the nearest guard and stammered out, “Send word to Steward Lytia that Tob—that the princess—that Tamír wants the clothes that were washed.”

Tobin pulled Ki into the chamber and slammed the door. “I’m Tobin, Ki! It’s still me, isn’t it?”

Ki managed a sickly grin. “Well, yes and no. I mean, I know it’s still you, but—Well, Bilairy’s balls, Tob! I don’t know what to think.”

The confusion in his eyes fed her growing fear. “Is that why you slept in the corridor?”

Ki shrugged. “How would it look, me crawling into bed with a princess?”

“Stop calling me that!”

“It’s what you are.”

Tobin turned away, but Ki caught her and clasped her by the shoulders. “It’s who you have to be. Arkoniel had a long talk with Tharin and me while you slept. It’s a lot to take in and I don’t think it’s fair the way everything happened, but here we are and there’s no going back.” He slid his hands down her arms to clasp her hands, and she shivered at the touch.

Ki didn’t seem to notice. “It’s worse for you than me, I know, but it’s still damn hard,” he told her, the anguish clear in his face. “I’m still your friend, Tob. You know I am. I’m just not so clear on what that’s going to mean.”

“It means the same as always,” Tobin shot back, gripping his hands. “You’re my first friend—my best friend—and my sworn squire. That doesn’t change. I don’t care what anyone thinks! They can call me anything they like, but I’m still Tobin to you, right?”

A soft knock interrupted them and Lytia came in with Tobin’s clothes over her arm. “Tharin sends word that the first troops are assembled. I took the liberty of searching the castle treasury for suitable armor, since you had to leave yours behind. I’ll send it up as soon as it’s been cleaned, and some breakfast.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“None of that, now.” Lytia shook a finger at her. “I’m not to let you out of this room before you both have something to eat. And what about a bath? I washed you as well as I could while you slept, but if you’d like a tub carried up, I’ll order it.”

Tobin blushed. “No. Tell Tharin I need to speak with him, please. And Arkoniel, too.”

“Very good, Highness.”

As soon as she was gone Tobin pulled off the nightshirt and began to dress. She was in the midst of lacing her breeches when she noticed that Ki had turned away. His ears were scarlet.

Straightening up, she threw her shoulders back. “Look at me, Ki.”

“No, I—”

“ Look at me!”

He turned, and she could tell he was trying hard not to stare at her small, pointed breasts. “I didn’t ask for this body, but if I have to live with it, then so do you.”

He groaned. “Don’t, Tob. Please don’t do this to me.”

“Do what?”

Ki looked away again. “You can’t understand. Just—cover yourself, will you?”

Shaken, Tobin pulled on her tunic and looked around for her boots. The room blurred and she sank down on the bed, choking back tears. Ringtail jumped into her lap and bumped his head under her chin. Ki sat beside her and put an arm around her, but the embrace felt awkward, and that hurt, too.

“I’m your friend, Tob. I always will be. But it will be different and I’m just as scared as you are. Not being able to share a bed, or even be alone together anymore—I don’t know how I’ll stand it.”

“It doesn’t have to be like that!”

“Of course it does. I hate it, but it does.” His voice was gentle now, and sad in a way she’d never heard before. “You’re a girl, a princess, and I’m man-grown, not some little page who can sleep at your feet like—like this cat here.”

It was true, and she knew it. Suddenly shy, she took his hand again and held it tight. Her own was still brown, but her palm had lost much of its roughness in the transformation. “I’ll have to build up those calluses all over again,” she said, her voice too high, too unsteady.

“That shouldn’t take long. Ahra’s always felt like old boot leather. Remember her, and all those women who met you yesterday. You’re still a warrior, just like they are.” He kneaded her upper arm and grinned. “Nothing lost there. You can still break Alben’s fingers for him, if you need to.”

Tobin gave him a grateful nod, then pushed Ringtail off and stood up. Offering him her hand, she said, “You’re still my squire, Ki. I’m going to hold you to that. I need you with me.”

Ki stood and clasped with her. “Close as your shadow.”

With that, the world seemed to settle back into place, at least for the moment. Tobin glanced at the brightening window in annoyance. “Why did they let me sleep so long?”

“You didn’t give us much choice. You hadn’t slept in a couple of days, and then what with all that last night? It really knocked you over. Tharin said to let you rest while he mustered the garrison. We’d have had to wait anyway. I’m surprised you’re on your feet at all.”

Tobin bristled. “Because I’m a girl?”

“Oh, for hell’s sake—If I’d had to cut myself open and then have the skin fried off me, I don’t know that I’d be up and around so fast.” He grew serious again. “Damn, Tobin! I don’t know what that magic was, but for a minute there it looked like the sun had come down blazing right where you stood! Or Harriers fire.” He grimaced. “Did it hurt?”