Lynn Flewelling - The Oracle's Queen

She blinked slowly. “I’m all right. She—she isn’t here. I don’t feel her anymore.”

Ki glanced around and let out a shaky laugh. “That’s good news. I don’t ever want to see anything like that again.” He used a corner of the blanket to dab at her chin. It hurt and she flinched away.

“Hold still,” Ki said. “You’re bleeding.”

She touched her chin and felt warm, sticky wetness there. “The sill. I hit the sill. Just like before.”

Ki gently pulled her fingers away. “Yes, just like before, only you’re going to have a bigger scar this time.”

Tamír clutched her forehead, feeling faint. “He—Brother? He pulled me back?”

“No, that was me. I heard you cry out, and got there just—” He was pressed close to her, his belly against her knees. He was shaking.

“By the Flame,” he went on, his voice less steady now. “She almost had you out, that horrible creature. It was worse than Brother—” He broke off again and wrapped his arms around her as if she could still fall.

“You pulled me back?” she whispered against his shoulder.

“Yes, but I almost lost you. Damn it, what were you thinking, going up alone?”

He was weeping! She hugged him, burying one hand in his hair. “Don’t cry. You were there, Ki. You saved me. It’s all right.”

Concern for him swept away the last of her fear. She’d never heard Ki weep like this before. It shook his whole body and his grip on her was painfully tight again, but it felt good.

At last he sat back on his heels, wiping his face on his sleeve. “I’m sorry! I just—I thought—” Tamír saw real fear in his eyes. “I didn’t think I was going to get to you in time, before she—” He grabbed her by the arms as fear gave way to anger. “Why, Tamír? What made you go up there alone?”

“The Oracle said—”

He shook her angrily. “That you ought to get yourself killed?”

“What did the Oracle say to you?” asked Arkoniel, coming in to join them. The bitter smell around him was stronger than it had been upstairs.

“She told me that my mother—how she is now—it’s my burden. I thought that meant I was supposed to set her free. I thought if she saw me in my true form, it would—I don’t know, that it would give her peace? But it didn’t,” she finished miserably. “It was just like that day Uncle came here.”

“Then Nari was right.” Arkoniel stroked Tamír’s hair. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

“I don’t know. I guess I was ashamed.”

“Of what?” asked Ki.

Tamír hung her head. They couldn’t know what it had been like, to not be enough, to not be seen .

“Forgive me, Tamír. I should never have let you go alone.” Arkoniel sighed. “You can’t reason with a spirit like that, any more than you could with Brother.”

“Then why did the Oracle tell her to do it?” Ki demanded.

“I can’t imagine. Maybe Tamír misunderstood.”

“I don’t think so,” Tamír whispered.

“Damn Illiorans!”

“You mustn’t blaspheme, Ki,” Arkoniel chided.

Ki stood up and wiped his face. “I’m staying with you, in case she comes back. Don’t even try to talk me out of it. Can you walk?”

Tamír was too tired to pretend she didn’t want that.

“Stay here,” said Arkoniel. “I have protections on this room, and I’ll keep watch outside. Rest well.” He went out, closing the door behind him.

Tamír let Ki tuck her into Arkoniel’s bed, and caught his hand when he was finished. “Sleep with me? I—I need you.”

Ki climbed in under the covers with her and pulled her into his arms. She put an arm around his waist and relaxed against his shoulder. He stroked her hair for a few minutes, then she felt the warm press of lips against her forehead. She brought his hand to her lips and kissed him back.

“Thank you. I know this isn’t—”

Lips against her own cut off the apology. Ki was kissing her, really kissing her. It lasted longer than any brotherly peck they’d shared before, and was far softer yet more decisive than his awkward attempt in Afra.

Even now, with Tamír safe in his arms, Ki kept reliving that awful moment when he was so certain he wasn’t going to reach her in time. Over and over again, in his imagination, he felt what it would have been like if she’d died. His own tears earlier had shamed him, but this sudden impulsive kiss did not. He wanted to do it, and she was responding. So was his body.

Tamír. This is Tamír, not Tobin , he told himself, but he still couldn’t quite believe what he was doing.

When it ended they stared at each other, wide-eyed and unsure, and she gave him a hesitant smile.

It did something to him Ki couldn’t explain, and he kissed her again, lingering a little longer over it this time. His chin bumped the cut on hers and he tried to pull back, but the arm across his chest tightened and he felt her leaning into him. He buried his fingers in her hair, snagging a braid. She flinched as it pulled, then chuckled.

At the sound of it, he felt like something that had been dammed tight in his heart let go at last. He combed his fingers through her hair more confidently, then stroked his way down to her waist. She was still fully clothed, wearing the dress she’d put on for Nari at supper. The skirt had ridden up a little. He could feel her bare leg warm against his through his breeches. No, this wasn’t any boy in his arms. It was Tamír, as warm and different from his own body as any girl he’d ever bedded. His heart beat faster as he deepened the kiss and felt her eager response.

Tamír felt the difference in Ki’s touch and the unmistakable press of his arousal against her thigh. Unsure what she wanted or where this would lead, but determined nonetheless, she took his hand and pressed it to her left breast. He cupped it gently through her bodice, then tugged the lacings and chemise aside and slipped his fingers inside to caress her bare skin. Rough and warm, his fingertips found the scar between her breasts and traced it lightly, then brushed across a nipple. He’d never touched Tobin like that. It sent warmth spiraling down through her to blossom into a new sensation between her legs.

So this is what it’s like? she thought as he kissed his way down to her throat and bit her gently on the side of the neck.

She caught her breath and her eyes widened as the feeling between her legs flared stronger. Just as before, she could still feel the phantom shape of her male body, but with something much deeper, in places only a woman had. If she had both bodies at once, male and female, then both were awakened by Ki’s hands and lips against her skin.

It was too much, too unsettling, that dual sensation. She pulled back a little, heart pounding, her traitorous body at once yearning and afraid. “Ki, I don’t know if I can—”

He withdrew his hand and stroked her cheek. He was breathless, too, but smiling. “It’s all right. I’m not asking for that now.”

That? Bilairy’s balls, he thought I meant fucking! she realized with dismay. Of course he did. That’s what he does with girls .

“Tamír?” He gently urged her head down on his chest and held her tight. “It’s all right. I don’t want to think about anything but you being here right now, alive and well. If you’d—died tonight, like that?” His voice went husky again. “I couldn’t have stood it!” He fell silent a moment and his arms tightened around her. “I was never scared like this for you in battle. What do you suppose that means?”

She found his hand with her own and clasped it. “That no matter what, we’re both still warriors, before all else?” Somehow, that was comforting. At least in this, she still knew who she was.