Piers Anthony - Split Infinity

Stile knew he was in trouble again.

“You are a robot?” Hulk asked, perplexed. “You made a reference, but I thought it wasn’t serious.”

“All metal and plastics and foam rubber,” Sheen assured him. “Therefore I have no feelings.”

Hulk was in difficulty. His eyes flicked to the lusher portions of her anatomy that jiggled in most humanly provocative fashion as she walked, then guiltily away. “I thought—you certainly fooled me!” He bit his lip.

“About the feelings, I mean, as well as—“

“She has feelings,” Stile said. “She’s as volatile as any living creature.”

“You don’t have to lie for me. Stile,” Sheen said, with just that stiffness of body and voice that put him in his place. She had become expert at the human manner!

“Lie?” Hulk shook his head. “There’s one thing you should know about Stile. He never—“

“She knows it,” Stile said tiredly. “She’s punishing me for my indiscretion in finding a living woman.”

“Sorry I mixed in,” Hulk muttered.

Stile turned to Sheen. “I did not know I would encounter the Lady in the Blue Demesnes. I did not realize at first what she was. I destroyed the golem that had impersonated me, but did not realize the complications until later.”

“And now that you do realize, you are eager to return to those complications,” Sheen said coldly. “I understand that is man’s nature. She must be very pretty.”

“You want me to look out for Neysa’s interest, don’t you?” Stile said desperately, though he had the sensation of quicksand about his feet. “She’s there in the Blue Castle, alone—“

“The Lady,” Sheen interrupted with new insight. “The Lady Blue? The one your alternate self married?”

“Oh-oh,” Hulk murmured.

Stile spread his hands. “What can I do?”

“Why couldn’t I have been programmed to love a male robot!” Sheen exclaimed rhetorically. “You flesh-men are all alike! The moment you find a flesh-woman-“

It’s not like that,” Stile protested. “She is devoted to the memory of her husband—“

“Who resembled you exactly—“

“She told me off when—“

“When you tried what?” she demanded.

Now Stile raised his hands in surrender. “If I stay here four hours longer—?”

“Eight hours,” she said firmly.

“Six.”

“Six. And you promise to return for the Tourney, after-“ ‘

“Yes.”

“That will give me time to put my own affairs in order,” Hulk said.

Sheen laughed. Oh, yes, she had her reactions down almost perfect now.

CHAPTER 18 - Oath

They tried it and it worked: Hulk passed through the curtain. He stood amazed and gratified, looking around at the forest. It was dawn; Sheen had managed to hold Stile for more like eighteen hours, the last half of which was sleeping. Well, he had been in dire need of the rest, and she had treated him with assorted minor medical aids including a restorative heat lamp, so that he really felt much better now.

“I never saw anything so beautiful,” Hulk said, gazing at the brightening world.

“Yes, it is that,” Stile agreed. He had tended to for-get the sheer loveliness of this land, when involved in other things. If all else were equal, he would prefer Phaze to Proton, for its natural beauty.

Hulk had brought along a costume, per Stile’s advice. Now he watched Stile getting into his own. “Are you sure—?”

“That ordinary people wear clothes here? I’m sure. Another thing: the language differs slightly. You have to-“

He was interrupted by a sudden loud hissing. A smoke-exhaling serpent rose up, flapping its wings menacingly. It was a small dragon.

Stile backed off warily, but the dragon followed, sensing compatible prey. One spell could have banished it, but its fiery breath made a sword uncertain. In any event. Stile no longer had his sword. He retreated farther.

“Let me try my beast-man ploy,” Hulk said. He jumped forward, bellowed incoherently to get the dragon’s attention, then raised both arms in a dramatic muscleman pose. It was extraordinarily impresssive. He had spent years perfecting a body that was a natural marvel. He danced about, beating his chest and growling. He looked altogether, foolishly menacing.

The dragon turned tail and napped off, whimpering.

Stile dissolved in laughter.

Hulk abated his antics, smiling. “That was fun. You often don’t need to fight, if you just look as if you’d like to. Was that thing really what it looked like?”

“Yes. This really is a land of fantasy. When you struck that pose, you looked like an ogre.”

“Literal ogres exist here?”

“I believe they do. I’ve never actually seen one, but I’m sure that’s the correct analogy.”

Hulk looked dubiously at his costume, then started putting it on. “I didn’t really believe in the magic aspect. I thought it might be matter transmission and odd effects.”

“I had the same problem, at first. But it is better to believe; magic can kill you, here.”

“I’ll take my chances. It’s like another aspect of the Game, with its special subset of rules. But it puts me in doubt what to do here. I don’t know the first thing about magic.”

“Most people don’t practice it,” Stile said. “But you do have to be aware of it, and there are certain conventions. Maybe you’d better come with me, until you catch on. I’m going to the Blue Demesnes.”

“What would I do in colorful demesnes? I know even less about courtly manners than I do about magic, and if Sheen’s suspicions about your Lady are correct, I should not be a witness.”

“You might serve as my bodyguard.”

Hulk laughed. “Since when do you need a body-guard? You can beat anyone in your weight class in general combat, regardless of age.”

“Here opposition doesn’t necessarily come in my weight class. It comes in yours. Someone is trying to kill me, sending things like demon monsters after me. I would feel easier if a good big man were keeping an eye out. You are conversant with hand weapons—“

“All part of the Game,” Hulk agreed.

“You could play dumb, like a monster, until you picked up the ways of this world, then go out on your own. You can cross back to Proton any time, too, by making a spell to pass you through the curtain.”

“You have some status in this world? So it wouldn’t look strange to have a brute bodyguard?”

“It seems I do. Or will achieve it shortly. If I survive the efforts of my anonymous enemy. So I’d really appreciate it if you—“

“You are a generous man. Stile. You do me a favor in the guise of asking for one.”

Stile shrugged. Hulk was no fool. “I’ll tell people I removed a thorn from your paw. But don’t consider it too much a favor. There is danger. You could get killed, associating with me.”

“I could get killed just running the marathon! Let’s go.”

They went. Stile led the way north as the sun cleared the forest and angled its fresh bright shafts between the branches, seeking the ground. They trotted across the opening fields toward the Blue Demesnes. As the castle came into view, a sun ray reflected from its highest turret in brilliant blue. This too. Stile thought, had to be added to the class of most beautiful things. Then he paused. “Do you hear it. Hulk?”

Hulk listened. “Ground shaking. Getting louder.”

“I don’t know whether dragons stampede or whether they have earthquakes here. We’d better hurry.”

They hurried. As they crossed the plain around the castle they saw it; a herd of animals charging toward the same object.

“Look like wild horses,” Hulk said.

“Unicorns. What are they doing here?”