Jude Watson - Jedi Quest 7 - The Moment of Truth

Anakin felt the veil slip again. It was happening more frequently now.

He missed his calm. He wanted to be back in the garden. He didn't want to feel fear, or apprehension, or pain. He wanted to feel serene, as though nothing could touch him. He wanted it so badly.

Gundarks in the crater suddenly roared. Anakin fended off blaster rifle fire and drew closer to the crater. He thought he heard Obi-Wan calling him. The call came from within him, as though he heard it in his heart.

Something tugged at him. The hook that was buried so deep that he could barely feel it. He did not want to reach for it. He wanted it to lay buried.

Obi-Wan needed him.

But I needed him. And when he came, he asked for the disk. He did not come for me.

The pain this thought caused him to grab the remains of the veil. He wanted to wrap himself into its brand of unconsciousness.

I don't want to feel anymore!

Anakin leaped up and severed a droid in two that had the misfortune to pilot his STAP too close to the ground. Hunks of smoking metal clattered to the rocks below.

He realized what was wrong, what the essential conflict within him was. To be a Jedi was to follow his feelings. But if his feelings tortured him, what was he to do with them?

Grief.

Guilt.

Resentment.

Shame.

He had felt all of these things. Because of leaving his mother, because of Yaddle, because of Obi-Wan. I don't want to feel!

He struck out savagely at a STAP that had come in low, its lone droid pilot firing dual blaster rifles. He cut the droid's head off.

"Anakin!" He could hear Obi-Wan clearly now, his voice strained and desperate.

I don't want to feel!

The hook in his heart seared him, and he knew its name. It was love.

The love he felt for his Master was lodged firmly within him. It was a connection that had grown from the first moment Obi-Wan had told him that he would take him and train him.

He had learned one thing about love: It was besides the point. It didn't make anything smoother, or better. Most of the time, it just complicated things.

Why would he want to feel again, when feeling hurt so much?

Why would he want to remember Shmi with guilt as well as pleasure?

Why would he want to revisit his torment over the death of Yaddle?

Why would he want to take up the burden of caring what Obi-Wan thought or felt about him?

Because it's right.

Anakin groaned aloud. The thing he couldn't get away from, the certainty within him, the essential truth he had learned through all his training at the Temple, that was what he could see now. He knew what was right.

He ripped the veil and felt the Force flood in with all its power. He realized that the Zone of Self-Containment had not allowed him to access the Force except at the most basic level, and he hadn't even known it. Now he felt it grow.

Along with the Force he felt his emotions again. They came at him in a rush, as if they'd been held back and now were free to overflow. They bombarded him as cruelly as the laser cannons shooting above. He wanted to sink to his knees from the tide washing over him, all the emotion he had suppressed and hoped never to feel again.

"Anakin!"

His Master's cry filled him.

He stood, drawing the fire of the droids and guards. He began to run.

Explosives shattered the rocks behind him. Two droids on STAPs dived, shooting both blaster rifles at him, trying to catch him between them.

Accessing the Force, he tumbled through the gap between them, allowing the power of the blast to catapult him in the direction of his Master's voice, straight into the dark pit of the gundark nest.

One gundark had raked Obi-Wan's back with its claws. Another had thrown him against the wall. His left leg was going numb. He had killed one gundark, mortally wounded another… but would more come? He was weakening.

He was losing. He was trapped in the dark with the roaring, ravenous beasts, and he had no doubt he would be torn limb from limb. They knew they had wounded him, and they were circling in for the kill.

If this was where he would become one with the Force, so be it. Yet he would fight to his last breath to prevent it. He would prefer a less gruesome end than this.

Obi-Wan thrust his lightsaber into a gundark's vulnerable neck. The blow made the gundark scream in agony and retreat. Obi-Wan whirled and retreated in turn as another bounded forward, its red eyes blazing with the scent of the kill.

Suddenly he felt the Force fill the cavernous space. A flash of light appeared overhead, and Obi-Wan heard a whistling noise. It was Anakin, leaping straight into the circle of gundarks, his lightsaber held in attack position.

When Obi-Wan had wondered if Anakin had abandoned him, he hadn't blamed him. He knew their mission demanded that Anakin get to Typha-Dor.

But it had hurt him to think his Padawan could leave him.

How could he have held such a thought? Anakin would never have abandoned him. Anakin would never betray him.

Anakin landed on a gundark's back. He plunged his lightsaber into the soft tissue at its neck. As the gun-dark thrashed, Anakin leaped down and, twisting to avoid a descending claw, slashed at the next gundark, cutting off two of its arms.

Anakin had given Obi-Wan time to take a breath. He was hampered by his leg and shoulder, but he was able to join Anakin, forcing the gundarks back toward the deep cave that had formed under the curve of the crater wall.

Anakin took the lead, fighting brilliantly, his lightsaber moving to deflect as well as attack, his footwork always pressing the gundarks back while protecting Obi-Wan from another assault.

From another cave, three gundarks tried to outflank the Jedi. Anakin sensed them moments before Obi-Wan. The Padawan somersaulted into them, taking them off guard. While Obi-Wan dodged to draw the attention of the first group, he watched Anakin spring up amid the second group. One gundark lost a leg, another its sight. A third recoiled as Anakin slashed at its chest.

The gundarks piled back into the cave, howling and screaming from their wounds.

"Thanks for coming!" Obi-Wan shouted over the noise.

"Any time."

There was a flash to Anakin's gaze that he knew well. His eyes were bright.

Something has changed, Obi-Wan thought. Anakin is back.

"They haven't given up," Obi-Wan said. "They're waiting." He indicated his leg. "I can't climb very well."

Anakin activated his cable launcher. "Then let's go the easy way."

"There are gundarks nesting in the cave walls."

"I saw them on my way down." Anakin wasn't troubled by the knowledge, that was clear. He grabbed Obi-Wan as if he weighed nothing and activated the cable.

They landed on a ledge that was free of a nest. Anakin activated the cable again.

"You planned the journey back as you came down," Obi-Wan said.

They landed again, and Anakin activated the other cable line. "Yes."

Obi-Wan marveled at that. It was what made Anakin a great Jedi. His battle mind was total and went everywhere. He saw every possibility, planned every move, and had even planned his escape.

They reached the surface and climbed over the lip of the crater. Obi- Wan took a deep breath, relieved to have left the horrifying nest.

He prepared to take cover when they emerged, but the sky was empty. He could see twisted metal and decimated droids scattered about.

"Did you get them all?"

"No, there were three STAPs left, plus two guards on swoops," Anakin said, tucking his cable launcher back into his belt. "I thought it was time to get you. I made it look as though a blast sent me into the crater. I imagine that when they saw me fall into the gundark nest, they thought I was done for."