Gareth Williams - A Dark, Distorted Mirror. Volume 5 - Among the Stars, like Giants. Part 4 - Hopes, Aspirations and Dreams

"Oh, yes, my lord. I will follow you to the gates of heaven themselves."

"Commander?" one of his crew asked him. Dasouri looked at the silent image of Cathedral. They could not find the captain. Marrago's comm was silent.

"We go," Dasouri said. "What choice do we have?"

"To the Centauri: I give you back your world. Think about those who would have tried to take it from you. Think about those who would have let it be taken from you. Think and open your eyes and appreciate the world you have."

In the throne room, Timov shivered slightly on the Purple Throne. "Well," she said. "What an.... intense young man."

Durla's eyes were shining.

At that point one of the servants ran into the room, panting and exhausted and close to collapse. "Lady!" he cried. "Lady!"

"What? And I do have a name, you know."

"It is the Emperor!"

The Brotherhood and the Tuchanq went with him of course. As Dasouri said, what choice did they have?

The Alliance let them go. What choice did they have?

It was like looking out on a whole new world, a new day, with new eyes. A new person.

General John Sheridan had woken early this morning and risen quietly, so as not to wake Delenn. He had showered and dressed and wandered out into the wide world, his eyes truly open for the first time in almost three years.

As he reached the door, he stopped and looked back. Delenn was still sleeping, flat on her back, facing the ceiling. She had never really adapted to human sleeping habits and still preferred to lie on her back. She looked very still, almost as if she were dead.

For the first time he noticed a streak of grey in her hair. Once it had been raven black, as deep and vibrant as her soul. Now there was grey. Only a little, but it was there. Even in sleep she looked careworn and tired and.... old.

How must he look?

He had left, not wanting to wake her. He would have to talk to her, but later. He felt as though he had been defined by her for too long. What he wanted now was to know himself. Alone and isolated, as Sinoval had tried to force him to be. Strip away the surface, the surroundings. Remove Delenn and the Alliance and the Dark Star s and what was there?

He did not know. Not even Sinoval had been able to force that understanding on to him.

It was there. All he had to do was find it.

Himself.

And so he walked, aimlessly, his feet taking him in whatever direction they wished. One tiny fragment of chaos. He was not sure if he liked that or not, but he would trust to it. He was so buried in order, that he had lost almost everything but the machine in which he was a cog.

Perhaps by taking the other path he could become something more.

He began to whistle softly on his journey.

Darkness and shadows. The means of his existence. His means of communication.

There were many ironies in this galaxy, and Lennier, once of the Third Fane of Chudomo, had no time to appreciate even half of them. He was a Ranger, a servant of the light. He had once worn that symbol with pride, the sunburst on his chest. He had believed in the light.

And yet he carried his darkness with him, a Keeper permanently attached to his body and his mind. He hid and skulked and moved in the shadows, gathering information as a spy. He had remained hidden for two years, concealing himself from the light.

He was a warrior of the light.

He was a Ranger.

All he had to do was to keep telling himself that.

"There is nothing more we can do," said his companion. Lennier was not really listening. He was standing at the side of the window, looking out. A small group of children was running down the street, laughing and shouting, playing some incomprehensible game. A girl followed them, shouting to them to wait so that she could catch up.

"We have to leave!" Ta'Lon hissed.

It had been a big risk for them to meet up like this. The Thenta Ma'Kur assassins were hunting for them both, as were the more regular Narn security forces. In their own separate ways, both had uncovered a great deal of darkness within the Narn homeworld. Unfortunately they had made themselves a little too visible — and vulnerable — in the process, and were hunted men as a consequence.

And G'Kar was missing.

"This is the home of my people," Ta'Lon said. "I was not born here, but my people were. These rocks are our bones, this wind is our breath, this water is our blood. More than anything else, more than the Rangers, more than even Ha'Cormar'ah G'Kar himself, I am sworn to defend it."

"I am sworn to nothing," Lennier said quietly. "All the things I do are done because I choose them.

"I choose them!" he hissed to his Keeper.

"And I choose to find G'Kar."

"Maybe he is dead. The signal stopped, but it will have reached the Alliance, and it will have reached the Vorlons. If they try to send their Inquisitors and their Dark Star s then I will fight them, but if I can reach the Alliance Council, if I can talk to Delenn and Lethke and G'Kael, then there might be a way.

"If there is not, then I will fight. But I will fight for this world — not for one man, however great he is."

"I will stay, and search for him. I will find him and free him."

"And if he is dead?"

Lennier paused, still looking outside. The sky was bright with promise and power and it hurt his eyes. "That," he said carefully, "I shall deal with as and when I can."

Ta'Lon stirred and nodded, his eyepatch seeming to cast a shadow that fell over half his face. "So be it." He held out a hand. "It was an honour to know you and fight beside you, Lennier of Minbar. May G'Quan see us all back home."

"I have no home," Lennier replied. But he took the one-eyed Narn's hand.

Then he set out into the light.

He had a task to perform.

To Susan Ivanova's admittedly mortal and tired eyes, he looked.... weary. Almost exhausted.

"Well?" she asked, her voice rising in a crescendo of fury.

"Well what?"

"Well.... are you going to tell me what in God's name happened?"

"God?" he said, looking at her. "Do you still believe in your Creator? After all you have seen and witnessed and done, do you still believe, or do you simply wield his name as a talisman, a little shield of faith against the hostility of the universe?"

"I...." This was making little sense. She had found him comatose in meditation, and the Well of Souls itself shaken and injured. She had had to command Cathedral herself and become directly involved, stopping the battle on her own initiative.

Then she had looked at the two fleets with herself between them and realised that she had absolutely no idea of what to do or say.

Sinoval himself had appeared at that point, and the dim lights had grown somehow stronger and weaker at the same time. And he had spoken, delivering his ultimatum. Cathedral had left, the Brotherhood and the Tuchanq going with them. But now, as she looked at him, she saw the fatigue in his face. He did not need sleep, or food. He was sustained by a power she could barely comprehend, and yet he looked.... almost ill.

"What does that matter?" she asked.

"Everything matters," he replied. "Look at what you have seen. Think of the Vorlons, or the Shadows. Some would say I am a God. Think about the Well of Souls. You have even met the First One, the Eldest and First being. You know that the Vorlons shaped the religions and beliefs of your world, as they did many others.

"Do you still believe in your God, your Jehovah?"

"You're right. I've seen a great many things. The Vorlons may have created religion and faith, and all the stuff about the angels. But...."

"But what?"