Warren Murphy - Last Call

"I'm really the Grand Duchess Anastasia in disguise and I pawned the czar's jewels," she said.

"You couldn't be Anastasia," he said.

"Why not?"

"You're too good a Communist. Besides, you're beautiful and Anastasia looked like the bottom of a boot."

She was about to answer when the telephone on the wall, next to the oven, rang. The premier reached a lazy hand for it but General Arkov burst into the room and took the telephone himself. He inspected the instrument and held the receiver to his ear for a moment, while the premier saw the look of disgust on Nina's face and tried to stop himself from laughing. Finally, Arkov handed him the telephone.

"It's Colonel Karbenko," he said. "His call is

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being scrambled at both ends and transferred here from your office. You can speak freely."

"Thank you, Arkov," the premier said. "Hello, Vassily, how are you? How are the cattle when you're riding the range?"

The premier listened for a moment, then said, "Don't tell me you're worried, too, Vassily."

He held the telephone away from his ear so that Nina could hear the young spy's voice from America.

"Yes, Comrade. But I think I have a way to insure your safety and..."

"And?"

"And if that fails, it will solve our political problem of attacking the Americans."

"What is it, Vassily? Anything is better than having these KGB men inside my hat." General Arkov winced and the premier smiled. Although Arkov was Karbenko's superior in the KGB, Kar-benko had much greater political support among the country's top leaders, because of his friendship with the premier, and while Arkov could dislike him, he could do very little else.

"This is the idea, Premier. Do not put the blame for the deaths of these ambassadors on the Americans. Instead, announce that you are coming to America immediately to discuss the killings with the American President. That puts the blame on them without putting the blame on them."

"And what does that have to do with my safety?" the premier asked.

"It is simple, sir. You will come alone. It would seem that the CIA assassin, whoever he might be,

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is someone close to you. So you come alone. The assassin does not accompany you. You can spend time in America while we track down the assassin."

"And suppose I am . . . what do you cowboys say, rubbed out in America?"

"That's gangsters, premier, not cowboys. But if you're gunned down, then America clearly bears the responsibility for it and our government will do whatever it has to do. But there is much less chance of that happening here than there. Even in your own house, you might not be safe."

"I know it," the premier said. "I expect Arkov's men to come in any minute and start chewing on my shoes. Come alone, you said?"

"Yes, sir."

"What about Arkov?"

"Alone, Comrade," Karbenko insisted.

"I think you're right," the premier said. "I think it's a marvelous idea. I will see you very soon."

He hung up the telephone. "You will be happy to learn, Arkov, that I am going to America to try to flee this assassin."

"The United States?" Arkov said. "You will be a target there for every lunatic."

"I will take my chances. I am going to America."

"I will get ready," Arkov said.

"No, General. I am going alone."

Arkov opened his mouth to argue. The premier's brows dropped, and his expression frosted over, and the KGB chief stopped.

The premier waited until he left the kitchen,

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the strut gone from his walk, his shoulders slumping.

Then he asked Nina, "Well, what do you think?"

"I think you're making a mistake," she said.

"You too? You don't want me to go?"

"No. I think America is the safest place for you."

"Then what's the mistake?"

"You said you were going alone," Nina said. "That's the mistake. I'm going with you."

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CHAPTER TWELVE

Remo and Chiun waited in an office just outside Smith's office and Ruby Gonzalez watched them as if she expected them to try to steal her jar of rubber cement.

"She makes you feel wanted, doesn't she?" Remo asked.

"It will be a happy day in my life," said Chiun, "when you two present me with a child. Then I will no longer have to associate with either of you."

"Hah!" Ruby said.

"Fat chance," Remo said.

"And then I will bring him up correctly as befits a new Master of Sinanju," said Chiun, ignoring them. "I have gone as far as I can with you."

"Never gonna happen," Ruby said.

"Only because I don't want it to happen," Remo said. "If I wanted it to happen, it'd happen. You can count on that." He glared at Ruby.

"You talk a lot of mess," Ruby said.

"Yeah?" said Remo. "I want you to know that I've got twenty-seven separate steps that I follow to bring a woman to ecstasy. They never fail."

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"You couldn't remember twenty-seven steps," Ruby said.

"Don't say anything now you're going to regret later," Remo said.

"I will pay one thousand gold pieces for a healthy male child," Chiun announced.

"Each?" asked Ruby.

"Each what?" said Chiun.

"One thousand to me and one thousand to him?"

"No. One thousand total," Chiun said. "Do you think I'm made of gold pieces ?"

"Not enough," Ruby said. "Five hundred ain't enough to pay me for my sacrifice."

"No, hah?" said Remo. "Sacrifice, hah? All right. You can have my five hundred gold pieces."

"Then we have a deal," Chiun said.

"I'll think about it," said Ruby.

"I won't," said Remo. "I will not sell my body for mere gold."

"Be quiet, white thing," Chiun said. "This does not concern you."

"What kind of gold pieces?" Ruby suddenly asked, her voice coldly suspicious.

"Nice little ones," Chiun said.

"I want Krugerrands," Ruby said.

"Have you no shame?" said Remo. "Supporting the racist regime of South Africa?"

"Listen, honey, when you talking currency, South Africa be good," Ruby said. "That Kruger-rand, that's better than dollars."

The buzzer rang on Ruby's desk. She answered it, then nodded to Remo and Chiun.

"Doctor Smith wants you now."

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"He can wait," Chiun said. "This is important."

"He's trying to stop World War III, Chiun," said Remo. "That's important, too."

Chiun dismissed World War III with a wave of his hand. "One thousand Krugerrands to you," he told Ruby. "And you give me his healthy male child."

"Chiun, dammit. That's like a hundred and sixty thousand dollars," Remo said.

"A hundred and seventy-one this morning," Ruby said.

Remo glared at her. "You can buy the whole spawn of some cities for that," he said.

"I know what I want," Chiun said. "We have an agreement?" he pressed at Ruby.

"I got to think about it," she said. "I ain't givin' it up cheap."

Inside his office, Smith was drumming the fingers of both hands on top of his desk. He told Remo and Chiun, "I have spoken to Colonel Kar-benko. The Russian premier is arriving this afternoon at Dulles Airport in Washington. Fourfifteen."

"Good," said Chiun. "We will make his death a lesson for all those everywhere who would dare to trifle with this glorious country of the Constitution, Emperor."

Smith shook his head. "No, no, no, no."

He looked at Remo for help. Remo looked out the window.

"I want you both to make sure nothing happens to him while he's here," Smith said. "Until this missing assassin can be turned up."

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"AH right," Remo said.

"Of course, mighty Emperor," said Chiun. "Your friends are our friends."

"Karbenko is meeting him at the airport," Smith said.

"He knows we're coming?" asked Remo.

"Not exactly."

"How not exactly?" Remo said.

"He wouldn't hear of having any American personnel involved. He wants to do it on his own."