Warren Murphy: Fool's Gold

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women. First you go telling them things they don't want to hear and then you complain."

"I'm not at my best, you know. I've had such troubles" Terri started.

Remo interrupted. "Why don't you tell us all about it on the way to the cave? We've got to check that inscription one more time before we go track it down, right?"

"Cave?" said Terri.

"The Albemarle Caves. Where everybody keeps getting cut into pieces," Remo said.

Terri smiled, excused herself, and then went blissfully into darkness.

She came to, unfortunately, in the wrong place. She was dressed and in the cave itself. She recognized the high ceiling and the dangling rope. She went immediately into shock and when she came to, she was in the arms of the man who was called Remo.

The Hamidian writing was coming down to her. Then she realized that she was moving up.

This Remo was climbing with one hand, as easily as if they were both walking up a flight of steps. He pulled, raised a hand, grabbed, then pulled again. Very quickly and very securely, even as he held her in one arm. She smelled the moisture at the top of the cave. She started to faint and then she felt his other hand do something to her spine.

She wasn't afraid.

She hadn't had a Valium and she wasn't afraid.

"What did you do?"

"Your fear was in your spine," Remo said.

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"That can't be. It's emotional. My brain isn't in my spine."

"Don't bet on it," Remo said.

"It's working," said Terri. "I'm not afraid and I'm not taking Valium. But I'm here again." And suddenly, she did feel a pang of fear and the hand massaged her lower spine again.

"Stop doing it to yourself, okay?" said Remo.

"What? What?"

"Making yourself frightened. You're scaring yourself and pumping adrenalin into your body and that's stupid because you don't know how to use it anyway," he said.

"Okay," said Terri. "I'll try it. This feels great anyway. I've never been up here without fear before. I'll never be afraid again." She said it and she meant it and then she saw something and she screamed out her fear right in the stranger's face. People with knives were coming into the cave. Ugly curved knives. Agile people and she was on top of the cave, hanging from the wall, protected by two men who didn't even have weapons.

"Don't scream. He loves an audience," Remo said.

"The old man," yelled Terri in horror. "He'll be killed."

"It's Chiun," said Remo, "and if you keep quiet, he'll put them away quietly, but if he knows he's got an audience of someone he is serving, he'll waste time. He always does."

Terri saw the knife fighters surround the old man in the green kimono. She screamed: "Watch out behind you."

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"That did it," said Remo with a sigh. "I suppose you want to watch."

She couldn't not watch. The kimono flowed, a Gurkha fell, the kimono danced like wind on the cave floor, first flowing, then circling and the knife fighters fell and tumbled like a carousel where all the horses on the outside suddenly collapsed at once. Finally there was only one and he lunged at the old man and the green kimono suddenly stuttered and then fell. He was dead.

"Eeeeeeeee," screamed Terri as Chiun fell.

The knife fighter plunged down, blade first, toward the green kimono, but then kept going into the silica sand of the cave bottom where he twitched and then stopped. The green kimono rose, and then did a bow to the upper reaches of the cave.

"See. I told you," said Remo. "We would have been down by now but you had to encourage a performance."

"I didn't even see his hands move," she said.

"You're not supposed to," said Remo. "If you had, we'd be dead."

On that word, Terri fainted again and came to with the inscriptions above her. She read them calmly. It was good that she had come back to the cave. She had missed one of the tell-tale punctuations and misread one word. Now she could place the mountain on the Yucatan peninsula, near the old Hamidian empire.

"You see the sign says that all gold from the country had to be moved to the Yucatan, because the mountain is the one safe place for the gold," Terri explained to Remo.

"Wrong," he said. "There is no safe place." He

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repeated what he had learned a long time ago from Chiun. "The only safe place is in your own mind."

"How do I get there?" she asked.

"You got ten years and nothing else to do?" asked Remo and then he took her down the wall, again as easily as if descending stairs. On the soft sand floor, she said she didn't want to see any more bodies.

Four

Barry Schweid was giving Hamlet what Hank Bin-die called "punch" when something strange came up on his word-processing computer.

Bindle had said he basically liked Hamkt but could Schweid improve Hamlet's character by having him win at the end?

"We don't want this 'to be or not to be' stuff. People don't like indecisive," Bindle had said.

"No box office in it. Never was," said Bruce Marmelstein.

"Instead of 'to be or not to be,' have him say what he is really thinking," Bindle had told Schweid.

"What's that?"

"I'm going to kill the guy who killed my father and is sleeping with my mother," said Bindle.

"The mother with the big jugs," said Marmelstein.

"Ophelia's got the jugs," said Schweid.

"No law against two women with a nice set each," said Marmelstein.

"Too much on the breasts. This is Shakespeare, you know. You have to respect it," Schweid insisted.

"Okay, Barry," said Bruce Marmelstein.

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"But I'll give you him saying something about getting the man who is sleeping with his mother now," Schweid said.

"Right. We want the tension of Jaws, the excitement of Raiders of the Lost Ark," said Bindle.

"We're going to have a problem with people who know that Hamlet loses the big sword fight at the end. You know, there's somebody out here in Hollywood who's actually read the play and he says people won't like Hamlet losing."

"Lose?" said Bindle, shocked. "Nobody loses. The hero never loses."

"And he gets the woman with the tits," said Marmelstein.

"But Shakespeare's Hamlet loses," said Schweid. "I was told that."

"What lose? You want to make a hundred and fifty dollars doing an off-Broadway nothing?" said Bindle. "We're talking big bucks here. Big-budget picture. Nobody is going to do a big-budget picture about a loser."

"Legs. Ophelia's got to have legs," said Marmelstein. "But we've got an artistic problem. What about full frontal nudity?"

"Shakespeare was an artist," said Bindle. "We must stand up for his right to express his highest emotions, no matter what the cost to us personally."

"Sex act?" said Marmelstein. "Watch her and him balling on film?"

Bindle shook his head. 'I said no matter what the cost. I didn't say getting an x-rating. That'll kill us at the box office. And you, Schweid, we want some winning violence. Make Hamlet the toughest mother ever to come out of England."

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"Somebody told me he was Danish," said Schweid.

"I thought Shakespeare was English," said Bindle.

"Somewhere over there. Europe," said Marmelstein.

"Shakespeare was Danish," said Bindle. "Hmmrnm."

"No. The character, Hamlet, was Danish," said Schweid.

"Big tits," said Marmelstein, who had been worrying about flat-chested English women. He had been thinking of using Swedes and dubbing in English voices. Now he could use Danish women with Danish-sized fronts.

"It's always acted by Brits," said Barry.

"Hey, we're doing your picture. Do us a favor. Get us what we need. We need the violence. We need Hamlet punching his way, fending his way through evil, protecting Ophelia, revenging his father's death," said Bindle.

So back to the word-processor computer went Barry Schweid and, in anger, he punched out calls for force, for violence, for destruction. And suddenly appeared on his screen the code system for reaching someone.