Gavin Smith - Veteran

‘Look. You lot go and do your commando thing. I’ll go and speak to Them. I can’t see any reason not to do both.’

‘How about everyone dies?’ Pagan suggested.

Morag turned to face him. ‘That doesn’t help,’ she said.

‘Neither will us getting futilely killed,’ Pagan said. It was a good point.

‘We won’t get killed,’ Black Annis insisted. ‘I’m the Whore of Babylon, remember.’

‘You don’t know what you’re talking about!’ Pagan shouted at her. ‘You may be the infant prodigal as far as hacking goes but you know shit about war – which, by the way, this is – and we’re going to need a bit more than youthful optimism to see us through here.’

The hag opened her mouth. It looked like she was getting ready to really have a go at Pagan.

‘He’s right,’ I said quietly. The look of hurt and betrayal on the demonic icon’s features was almost comic. ‘I’m sorry, Morag, but you’ve no idea what you’re talking about. Your only communication with Them has been Ambassador. Now it doesn’t matter who started the war, but we know what They are capable of and you don’t.’

‘So I don’t get a say?’

‘So you don’t listen to those who have experience?’ I asked back.

‘Why is it you don’t believe in me?’ she asked bitterly. ‘Rannu believes in me, he trusts my abilities. Why can’t you?’ This last was aimed directly at me.

‘Rannu has faith in you,’ Pagan answered quietly. ‘That is different to belief, and in this case you still lack experience.’

‘I handled myself in Atlantis,’ she said.

‘You had to have your eyes and ears replaced!’ I exploded.

‘In the lab, not in the media node!’

‘You were horrified by what you saw and did,’ I said.

‘Shouldn’t I be?’

‘Yes,’ I admitted.

‘This was what Ambassador was made for, this is all it was made for -to create peace between us and Them. You said you’d do everything you could to stop me from going?’ I nodded. ‘Well, I’ve just locked you in your room.’

‘That’s fucking childish, Morag,’ I groaned.

‘I could lock this ship down. I’m going to try and talk to Them.’

‘We still need someone to run comms,’ Gregor said.

‘I’ll go,’ Pagan said. There was a tone of resignation in his voice.

‘You’ve changed your tune,’ I said.

‘I was just sitting here thinking how unfair it all was that we have to die here and now and thinking that this can’t be our responsibility. Where is the government to clean up this mess? Then I remembered that abdication of responsibility is what got us here in the first place.’

‘Oh,’ I said, not really following Pagan’s train of thought.

‘Besides,’ he said, glancing at the hag, ‘maybe I’m beginning to find faith.’

Mudge sat me up on the bed in my cabin. He laid out his wares on a collapsible table. There were derms, pads, inhalers, pills all the colours of the rainbow, an old-fashioned syringe and even eye drops. On top of that I still had a little of Papa Neon’s medication left. This was what I would need to see me through the next few hours. Well, at least I hoped it would. I couldn’t be too sure because instead of a pharmacist I had a junkie.

‘So you’re going?’ I said, trying to get my mind off dying.

‘Yeah, man. I’ve got a good feeling about this. I think we’re going to be all right.’

‘You’re high, aren’t you?’ I said, grinning.

"Course I am. If I wasn’t I’d be shitting myself about my impending death. Seriously though, I think it might work. Morag’s plan, I mean.’

‘Got religion?’ I asked. ‘Pagan thinks that she’s the Whore of Babylon.’

The hacker myth? Wishful thinking on his part.’

‘What if we’re doing it, though? What if we’re betraying the whole human race?’ I asked.

‘I suspect we’ll be dead before we see the effects, so really you should only worry if you believe in hell. An afterlife hell, I mean, not, you know, Dog 4 hell or Coventry hell.’

‘Sometimes I don’t think you take anything seriously.’

‘Did you not see me save the world?’ he asked, getting exasperated now.

‘Well, the jury’s still out on that. Besides, didn’t you have some help?’

‘Did I? Oh, you’re just pissed off because your girlfriend is the new messiah.’

‘She’s neither. Anyway, whether the plan works or not, I’m not going to be all right.’

‘No, you’re pretty well fucked.’

‘But this’ll see me through it?’ I asked, trying to hide my worry.

‘This?’ he said, pointing at the drugs. ‘No, this will kill you. I thought that was the point.’

‘Why do all my friends want to kill me?’ I asked.

‘They know you best. At least you’ll be involved. We’re probably going to die as well.’

‘I thought you had a good feeling?’

‘I do, but I’m high and I’ve been wrong before.’ The smile disappeared. ‘Look…’I could see what was coming, something embarrassing that would make me feel closer to death than ever. I needed to stop it.

‘We’re good, Mudge,’ I said.

‘It’s been…’ he began.

‘I know,’ I said. We lapsed into an uncomfortable, self-conscious yet manly silence like the pair of emotional cripples we were.

‘Oh, if I live I’ll go and do the Wait for you,’ he said, almost as an afterthought.

‘You’d better fucking live. I don’t like the idea of those arseholes outliving me. Seriously though, look after Morag for me,’ I said.

Mudge thought about this. ‘No,’ he said finally.

‘What?’ I managed after I’d recovered the ability to speak.

‘Not a chance, man.’ I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Mudge was grinning again.

‘What? I’m fucking dying, man. The least you can do is respect my last wish.’

‘Not if it inconveniences me in any way. I’m not a fucking babysitter.’

‘The word cunt springs to mind. Look after her, you bastard.’

‘No way,’ he said again. I could see he was serious. ‘First off, she’ll be fine; second, I think she can look after herself; and third, she’ll have Rannu following her around, and I suspect he might be slightly harder than me.’ I had to admit they were good points, but still.

‘Slightly – he kicked my arse,’ I had to concede.

‘I could kick your arse,’ Mudge said.

‘I noticed you waited until I’m dying of radiation poisoning to tell me that. Besides, Rannu probably just wants to fuck her,’ I said, not really believing that.

‘Rannu has a wife and kids.’ This I didn’t know.

‘That doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to fuck Morag,’ I pointed out.

‘You’ve seen how faithful he is,’ Mudge pointed out, and he was right.

‘But Rolleston’s people would’ve gone after them,’ I said.

‘They did, but she’s an ex-Ghurkha as well. She was straight off into the mountains and she’s got a community full of ex-Ghurkhas looking out for her and the kids. File under more bother than it’s worth for the Cabal.’

‘But what the fuck’s he doing here?’ I said.

‘Believe it or not, mate, every one of us has something to live for, even if we don’t have a wife and kids. Even a sad fucker like you.’

‘I know that. What we don’t have is the responsibilities.’

‘He thinks he’s going to get through this,’ Mudge said.

‘Really?’ I knew Mudge had said the same thing but I didn’t think anyone other than Morag actually believed it.

‘He believes that this is the only chance his kids have for a future and that if we don’t do this all we’ll be doing is delaying the inevitable. As for just hanging around Morag to fuck her, that’s you you’re thinking of. Assuming it hasn’t fallen off, that is.’