Jay Allan - The First Imperium

Cain had his pain and guilt about Jax, more than Sarah or the general could ever know. But all that was locked away, deep down. It had taken a colossal effort to suppress it all, but he just couldn’t face it now. He’d deal with it someday, but not today. The war wasn’t over, and he had his duty. Duty had ruled his life, and that wasn’t going to change now. He couldn’t think of a worse tribute to his fallen friend than to let grief and guilt keep him from the fight.

There would be time to mourn, time to face his guilt…if he survived the war. When that day came, he thought, it might tear him apart. There might not be much left of Erik Cain, the man. He wasn’t sure he cared…he suspected there wasn’t much left of him anyway. It was his fault Jax died, at least that’s how he saw it, and he didn’t know how he would ever reconcile with that. If he’d garrisoned he mountains…if he’d sent in the Janissaries sooner. So many ifs. Was it arrogance, carelessness? Or was he just used up, no longer able to handle the burden of command?

He pushed back the doubts, and the self-hatred too. Erik Cain the Marine had a job to do and, as always, that came first. Personal pain and loss would have to wait. There was only one thing that was important now, one thing that demanded the best he could give. Everything he had left would go into the fight…body, blood, soul. He owed that much to Jax.

In his mind there was one mantra, one cause. The Line must hold.