Jaym Gates - War Stories

Are you happy?

Don’t you want to be free?

Do you have feelings?

Do you miss being human?

When she was new, she had tried to answer, but the answers were never what people wanted to hear.

“But it can’t be satisfying,” said Jassalan. “They don’t care about you.”

“I’m satisfied. I have friends.”

“They didn’t even come back for you!”

Kay shook her head, not wanting to think about that, but Jassalan pressed her.

“There’s a part of you that must remember that this isn’t what it should be like. You must remember being human. Don’t you?”

“I don’t,” said Kay shortly. “I’m not human.”

“You are ,” said Jassalan, suddenly intense. “Part of you is human! You—you look like her. You even sound like her.”

“Who?” asked Kay, confused.

“My sister. When she died—she gave her body,” said Jassalan. Kay, frustrated, groaned to herself. One of those conversations, again. “We—we think she became one of those—one of you ,” continued Jassalan. “And here you are. Deeslyn.”

“My name is Kay , and I am not your sister,” said Kay evenly. “Military Information Services have produced a film that explains how Synthetics are created, I could show it to you. It does a good job—”

“I don’t need to see a film,” said Jassalan, cutting her off. “I know my own sister!”

“The reuse of patriotic citizens’ donated bodies helps keep costs to the taxpayer low,” continued Kay, quoting from a standard explanation. “Bodies are outfitted with implants, and given power plants, and facial features are altered before we are activated. We are sculpted to give an attractive human appearance, so as to better interact with the populace and our fellow soldiers. You have no way of knowing if my donor body is related to you.”

“But you might be. When were you activated?”

“Four years ago.”

“That’s when she would have been processed!” said Jassalan, eyes bright with certainty. “It’s possible!”

Kay shook her head, her slow–burn anger finally beginning to kindle. “You aren’t listening. I am not your sister.”

“Can you check? Do you know whose body that is?” asked Jassalan hotly.

“I can, but I won’t,” said Kay.

Jassalan’s face screwed up in rage. “Get out, then. Get out! You’re just a brainwashed tool of the Sovenes! You’re nothing but a bunch of wires and processors lugging a corpse around!” A tear slipped down her cheek. “You’re unworthy of my sister’s body—or any human body. Get out!”

Kay wanted to tell her that it didn’t matter. The human or humans who had donated their bodies would be just as dead if she weren’t here.

But she didn’t say that. Instead, she left without saying another word.

The flat expanse of desert seemed to go on forever. Kay trudged through it, one step at a time, one foot in front of the other. She was painfully aware, thanks to the constant readouts from her internal sensors, that her body needed some serious repairs.

And yet she kept going, straight through the desert. She’d roughly calculated her position; her onboard maps said there was a small village in this direction.

She didn’t know what she’d do when she got there. She knew she should report in to Sector 15 Command—that was her only mission now—but she kept exploring options to do so without really deciding on a plan she liked. She fretted over this; she was usually very fast to weigh possibilities and make decisions.

Her sensors picked up their truck before it was even visible, and she went on alert. She checked her weapons, unsure what Jassalan intended. She had some charge left in one of her pulse cannons, and two working dart missiles in each wrist. It wasn’t everything; half her systems were wrecked and her rifle had been damaged in the crash. It would have to do.

The truck roared up beside her, and Payl grinned out at her.

“Hey, Kay,” she called, turning the rhyme into a little two–note singsong. “Need a ride to town?”

“Jass’s mad,” Payl said as they bounced along. “But it’s her own fault.”

Kay had to agree, but said nothing. Payl was clearly getting some kind of thrill out of doing what Jassalan wouldn’t like.

“She told me about it,” said Payl. “She should know better.”

“Agreed,” said Kay coldly. Payl blanched at that, so Kay tried to pick up the conversation from there. “Did you know her? The woman Jassalan thought my body came from?”

“Sure,” said Payl. “I was married to her.”

“You were?” exclaimed Kay, surprised. “But—”

“She died a long time ago,” said Payl. “I let her go. Jass… can’t.”

“What was she like?” asked Kay.

Payl smiled a small, wistful smile. “Dees was… amazing. Quiet, kind and generous. She believed in a lot of causes, believed in service. Her death was bad for Jass; it’s why she dropped out of the Army. It’s probably why she asked me to come with them to Ianas; I think I’m some way of keeping a piece of Dees close. Do you really not know anything at all about who you—ah, who your body’s from?”

“No,” said Kay. “But I could.”

“You could?”

“It’s a file in my core,” said Kay. “I’ve never accessed it.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m not that person,” said Kay flatly. “I’m me.”

“Oh,” said Payl. “I think I get that.”

A long moment passed. Payl drummed her hands on the steering wheel.

“So, are you okay?” Payl asked at last.

Kay didn’t know what to say to that. People had never asked her that. “Yes,” she said at last. “I think so.”

“You think so?” Payl said jokingly. “Don’t you have sensors and all that inside to tell you?”

Humans so rarely understood, thought Kay. They were a mess, a whirling maelstrom of emotions. Kay and other Synthetics seemed like a placid pool by comparison, but still she had her tides, and her ripples, and even feelings humans seemed to lack.

Among others, there was a sort of beyond –certainty that she seemed to feel only with her synthetic parts. It was a cold and awful feeling, and she’d never succeeded in explaining it to humans.

“So where were you heading? I mean, after town,” Payl said. “Where next?”

“Sector 15,” said Kay. “I have to report in.”

“How’re you going to get off–planet? Spaceport’s in Tarthe, that’s halfway around the planet!”

“I’ll call for a pick–up,” said Kay moodily. “Someone in the village should have an off–planet setup. They’ll evacuate me.”

“Will they? They didn’t seem to want to come for you before.”

“They will,” stressed Kay. “That was a specific set of unique circumstances. It’s a simple matter of going to the village and contacting them; they’ll be by to pick me up soon.”

“If that’s true,” said Payl. “Then why didn’t you do that when you were stranded?”

“I don’t know. I was waiting for them to come,” said Kay softly. “I was so sure they would.”

The truck drove on through the dusty flatness.

They pulled into what passed for a town, a cluster of pre–fab buildings grouped around moisture–collection stations.

“You go make your call,” said Payl. “I can bring you back home after, if you want.”

“No, thank you. I’ll wait here,” said Kay.

“Yeah, I understand that,” said Payl. Her constant smile flagged a little. “It’s been good to talk to you. I’m sorry Jassalan acted like she did.”