Robert Adams - A Cat of Silvery Hue

“… So, I tol’ thet lil’ pissant sergeant thet if he din’t git out’n the place ’n’ quit disturbin’ us, I’d jam a fuckin’ winejar up his gloryhole.” Djim Bohluh paused in his “narrative” to take a long, gurgling pull from a proffered canteen of brandy and water. He grinned his thanks, belched, and went on. “If he’d had hisself the brains of a shitbug, he’d of reelized the winterwine an’ hemp an’ all had done got to us and backed off for a while. But the dumb asshole he went for his sword. So we—” He quite suddenly began to cough violently—so violently, in fact, that Geros was certain it was forced coughing; but it accomplished a purpose, for someone quickly pressed another canteen into his thick hand.

“… So, enyhow, we took his friggin’ sword an’ flang the thang out’n the winder. An’ then we had down the Ehleen turdchomper’s breeks an’. ..”

Geros had had enough. Jamming the ferrule of the standard’s pole into the loam of the hillside, he left it and the sniggering, guzzling group of Freefighters to make his way to the crest, where stood Pawl Raikuh and Thoheeks Bili, observing the work of the assault companies and archers.

The thoheeks had fostered for nearly ten years at the court of King Gilbuht of Harzburk, and Captain Raikuh was a Harzburker born, so their conversation was in the rapid, slightly nasal dialect of that principality. But even so there was not enough difference between this dialect and the slower, softer, slurring Confederation Mehrikan to prevent Geros from understanding his commanders.

“They’re doing fine on the right hill, Duke Bili, but whoever’s archer captain on the left hill should have his arse kicked up around his ears. Look you, another of the axemen is down with … looks like a dart in his thigh. Those bow-pulling bastards just aren’t close enough to give effective covering fire!”

But it was obvious that others had noticed the fault, for Geros saw a rider, toylike with the distance, gallop his mount to the rear of the archers. Shortly, the bowmen could be seen to sling their commodious siege quivers and trot forward. When they at last halted and recommenced their flights of shafts, those loosed by the defenders at the men laboring on the abattis slackened perceptibly.

Noticing Geros for the first time, Raikuh grinned and slapped his shoulder affectionately. “Ah, Sword Brother, come up to see what you can learn, eh? I say again, my lord, can I but persuade our new Sword Brother to throw in his lot with my company, he’ll he a famous—and very well-to-do!—officer of Freefighters one day. Now, true, he may not be nobleborn, but—”

“But,” nodded Bili, “Freefighting be a craft where guts, brains and abilities mean far more than mere birth. When a lord goes to hire swords, a captain’s pedigree weighs less than a pinch of turkey dung; it be his reputation determines how much gold is put on the scale. And the beginning of a good reputation be lieutenanting under a well-known captain.”

All Geros could think to say was: “But … but Thoheeks Sword Brother, I am only a sergeant.”

Chuckling gustily, Raikuh’s brawny arm encircled Geros’ armored shoulders. “That be easily righted, brother. Say you’ll come with my company when Duke Bili no longer needs us, and you’ll go up that hill as an ensign—an officer standard-bearer.” He added, with unmistakable liking and respect to his voice, “And I, Pawl Raikuh, will be both pleased and honored to be able to number a fine, gutsy man such as you amongst my officers, Geros.”

Geros felt embarrassed, ashamed and contrite; he felt he could no longer dissemble. He dropped his gaze, unable to meet the eyes of these two noblemen who believed him something he was not and had never really been. He stumbled over the words, at first, but finally got them out

“From the beginning, it … it was all a lie. I have lived, been living, a lie since the … that night of the bridge fight. I really … I’m not brave. I’m terribly frightened to … whenever there’s fighting.”

“Really?” said Bili with dry amusement. “Well, I must say you hide it well.”

“Yes, yes, my lord.” Geros nodded quickly, glad that someone understood what he was finding so hard to phrase. “That’s it I hide it, hide my fears. And a good officer or trooper … I mean, you want a truly fearless man, not a pretender such as me.”

And it was what he had dreaded all along, that presentiment which had for so long kept him quiet on this matter had come horribly to pass. The young thoheeks and this gruff, kindly officer he had come to respect, whose friendship he had treasured, both were laughing. Laughing at him. At Geros-the-coward!

Bill’s unusual mind, far more sensitive than most, was first to comprehend what their laughter was doing to the sergeant. He sobered immediately, saying, “Sergeant Geros, Sword Brother, had you been reared to arms, as were Captain Raikuh and I, you would know that fear is as much a part of a warrior’s life as are fleas and wet blankets. Captain, have you ever known a Freefighter who had no fear?”

Pawl shrugged. “One or two, my lord, but such never live through the next battle. You see, Geros, fear is what keeps a fighter alive, what gives a dog-tired man the agility to dodge that last spear, raise the sword for one more cut. I dislike being around men who’re truly without fear, for death hovers ever near to them.”

“You see, sergeant,” Bili continued gently, “all warriors know fear … and hide it Those who hide it most successfully, most consistently, are called ‘brave.’ Which be but a word saying that Sacred Sun has gifted a man with acting ability better than most.”

“But … but, my lord …” Geros’ guilt still felt painfully undischarged. “I …” He dropped his voice to a whisper and shame suffused his face. “I sometimes am so fearful that… that I… that I wet myself!”

Roaring with laughter, Raikuh once more squeezed Geros’ shoulders. “You only piss yourself, comrade? But my steel! I once had a captain who seldom failed to ride in from a battle but he was stinking like a farmer’s privy on a summer day. Sword help the man who was downwind of Dunghill Daituhn after any kind of a fight.”

Softly, Bili asked, “Captain, you really rode with him they called the Blood Mark? Then you must be older than I’d thought.”

Raikuh chuckled. “My house carry our ages well, my lord. Ill be fifty next year. But, yes, I rode with Markee Daituhn, in my wild youth. Of course, that was ere he was ennobled. He was just a famous captain, then, but the youngest son of a younger son, like me, felt damned lucky to win a place in the ranks of his company just the same.”

“Now, you see, sergeant,” nodded Bili, “there be an excellent example of the glory to which even a common-bora Freefighter can aspire. Daituhn was born the son of a smith. But ere he died, he’d hacked his way to power and prestige, with a title to leave his son and gold to dower his daughters. You heard what the captain said of him, yet you certainly couldn’t call such a man coward. For that matter, I’ve wet my own breeches more than once, and I’d lay you thrahkmehs to turds that the captain has too. So were I in your place, I’d accept his offer. A man with the kind of guts it took to admit, as you just did, to what you obviously felt were grievous faults—”

But there was no time to say more, for the High Lord’s mindspeak was clear and strong. “Bili, move your Freefighters down to Strahteegos Ahrtos’ position. Ill be leading the attack on the left salient. Ahrtos will be in command of the assault on the right, but I want you with him because you own a quality he lacks—imagination. Take care of yourself, son. If anything happens to you, Aldora will no doubt make my life miserable for the next hundred years.”