Eric Flint - Grantville Gazette.Volume XVI

Julio snorted. "It was a joke! Nobody but the visiting Kraut was serious. You ain't no more of a philosopher than I am."

"Tell me something, Julio. Have you got three letters from Italy and another one from Morocco sittin' at home asking questions or invitin' you to come visit?"

"Of course not," Julio said.

"Well, I do. That Kraut I had dinner with has been bad-mouthin' Grantville, up-timers in general, and me in particular all over the place. As far as the world is concerned, I am Grantville's foremost philosopher. Oddly enough, he is reporting what we told him accurately, and in spite of his ridicule it seems it's being well received. Under the circumstances I think I oughta have some idea what I am talkin' about. Don't you?"

An amazed Julio replied, "Three letters from Italy?"

"Yeah, I've got two invitations to visit Rome from two different cardinals. The other invite is from Venice."

Julio was impressed. "You goin' to go?"

"Hell, no. Least wise, not until I know what I am talkin' about. Joe and Emanuel got me through the dinner. If I went off without them, I'd embarrass myself and all of us. So I've been spendin'-spending-time down at the library reading philosophy and learning Latin.

"Emanuel is all over me about dropping letters and using contractions. He says if I'm sloppy with English I'll be sloppy with Latin, so he is after me to clean up my language. I tell you, Julio, being a philosopher is turnin'-turning-into a lot of work. But one of these days I am going to get cornered and Grantville's reputation will be at stake, so I need to know what I am talking about."

"Wow, Jimmy, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to land you in a situation like that. I mean, Ken and I just saw that Grantville was goin' ta be laughin' about the Kraut and we just figured we should help you laugh with 'em instead of bein' laughed at. I figured it would just blow over."

"I figured the same thing. It worked too, at least for a while. But I don't want to get caught short again. If you know what I mean."

Jimmy ate lunch, and left. He stopped in for a burger and fries for dinner and went home early. For the second, or at most the third, time in his adult life he had found something worth doing.

A bit over a month after Jimmy had spent the night, Joe opened the back door to his house shortly before sundown and was hit with the unexpected aroma of dinner on the stove.

Jimmy knew Joe's habit of eating a big breakfast, a solid lunch and a light dinner after the sun went down. When he stopped in town to pick up a bucket of Hungarian dumplings, he couldn't resist a pan of ready-to-bake biscuits. He also toted a six pack of a new root beer which had the teetotalers in town standing in line. At the sound of the door opening, without looking up from the book he was pouring over, Jimmy said, "Dinner in about half an hour. I figured it was my turn to cook."

"Thanks. A fella' can get tired of eatin' his own cookin'." It was a polite lie. Joe was a good cook and enjoyed cooking the dishes of his childhood. He glanced over at the book Jimmy was reading. Joe had left his German bible on the table. When he'd read through it, he'd put it away and read the French. Now that he spoke Latin, he read it in turn, also. He was thinking of taking another stab at Greek and maybe Hebrew, just because he had the time to do it. "Your German is good enough to read it?" he asked Jimmy.

"I've been over John, Chapter Six in Latin so many times I've got it memorized. So if I don't know the words I still know the meaning."

"Emanuel is teaching you Latin out of the bible then?"

"Yeah. He says philosophy is just secular theology and most philosophers are either arguing for or against scripture, so I need to know scripture to know what they're talking about. I think its all bull. I think the Latin in the Bible is what he is most at ease with so it's what he wants to teach."

Joe had a different opinion. He figured it was just a way for Emanuel to slip bible study into a language-tutoring program. He also figured he might as well help it along. "Mathew Chapter Six? What do you think of what you're reading?"

"The Lord's Prayer is nothing new. But I think Judaism makes a whole lot more sense. You've got, what, six hundred and thirteen laws. Three hundred and sixty-five of them are things you can't do and the others are things you must do. So, you got a list. Do it and you're all right. Don't do it and God will get you. That I understand.

"But take the verse right after the Lord's Prayer. If you don't forgive others then God won't forgive you. Joe it ain't-it isn't-right. People do bad things in this world. I'm just supposed to forgive them and forget about it? I should just let them get off scot-free?"

"Who says they do? 'Vengeance is mine,' sayeth the Lord, 'I will repay. Be sure your sins will find you out. It is appointed unto man once to die and after this the judgment. Let no man deceive you with vain words: for because of these things cometh the wrath of God upon the children of disobedience.'

"The point of forgiveness is not for the benefit of the forgiven. It's for the benefit of the forgiver."

"What do you mean by that?" Jimmy asked.

"Someone does somethin' to you. So you get even. How? By doing something bad back. You've just hurt yourself by taking on an evil deed. Then of course they're gonna get even and then you need to do something else. Vengeance does not go long un-revenged.

"Now let's say someone does somethin' and you don't get even. You just stay mad about it. So you carry the anger and bitterness around with you and it contaminates your whole life. You not only let them hurt you, you helped them to go on hurting you.

"If you've got a pack full of old hurts and grievance you're carrying around, then at the end of the day you're tired and worn out. If you dump 'em and let 'em go, your life goes easier. Chances are it doesn't make any difference to the other party if you forgave them or not. In most cases they don't even know it, unless you are actively tryin' to hurt 'em. Then instead of you havin' fun and enjoyin' life you're lettin' them dominate your life 'cause they're in your thoughts and you are just letting them drag you down. In most cases even if they do know they don't care.

"Jimmy, the point of forgiveness is not for the benefit of the forgiven. It's to make life easier and more pleasant for the forgiver." Joe could tell from the look on Jimmy's face the idea was new to him. He figured he should let Jimmy think on it. "I've got a critter that's been eatin' up my garden. I'm gonna sit out on the porch and watch for him. You give me a holler when the vittles are ready."

Jimmy sat there staring at the text but not seeing it for the longest time. What the old man said made sense. For all these years what Bina did had dominated his life. She moved out and took his baby girl with her. Then she made life miserable and wouldn't let him have his visitation rights. What she took from him-his reason for living, his baby daughter and his loving wife, crushed him. It not only ended his life at the time, it rode him like an old hag, like a burden that was almost… no… was too much to bear. For all the years of Merle's life, his life was pain and emptiness filled with hate for Bina and pity for himself.

It was time to just let it go. He wasn't a young man but he still had a life to live. Why in the world should what Bina did all those years ago ruin what life he had left?

"God, I don't know if I believe in you or not. But if you do exist, help me to forgive Bina and let go. And God… if you don't exist, I guess I'll just have to let go of it on my own."

Jimmy sniffed the air. Something was burning. "The biscuits!" he yelped. He stood up to get to the oven. What should have been just enough energy to lift his tired bones sent the chair flying and caused the table to move, he felt physically lighter, almost like he was floating.