SL Huang - Up and Coming - Stories by the 2016 Campbell-Eligible Authors

He might be old. He might be retired. But Zeus was nothing if not clever. Within minutes, he’d figured it out and was clicking links with abandon.

People were posting on forums and social media, writing articles and blog posts, and all just…talking to each other. A lot of the discussion was through images with bold text over them, and tiny bits of moving pictures. Well, that was easy enough. Zeus started posting comments to random conversations, interjecting “Zeus rocks!” wherever he could find. He also figured out how to take a picture of himself on the laptop camera, put “Zeus rocks!” on top of the image, and started posting that too. This might take a while.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Tekhno sitting down in the spot next to him. Had it been an hour already? Mucking about online certainly didn’t seem like it had taken that long. They were seated next to each other, desks set up so they could see each other’s screens.

“Aw, you’re figuring out what lolcats are. That’s adorable.” Tekhno’s voice was loud enough to carry to the audience, who rippled with an approving chuckle.

Lolcats? There were cats everywhere on this weird internet thing. He looked it up, wishing he could call in a favor from Bast, former cat-goddess of Egypt, but he was pretty sure she was still pissed at him. Had he promised her they’d do dinner? He probably had…

“He thinks posting in conversations is enough to get people to like him! Oh that’s cute. Heycloudypants, whatcha gonna do if I do this ?”

A sudden swarm of new users appeared in the same forums and social media hashtags where Zeus had been posting. “Zeus sucks!” was the common refrain, and they were everywhere.

Fine. He was Zeus. He was clever enough to defeat Cronus, so he certainly could do this. They likedlolcats? He could give them cats. He transformed himself into a cat with cloud-like markings on his sides. CLICK CLICK CLICK . He took picture after picture of himself in different poses, then changed back to his usual form and uploaded them everywhere.

CLOUDY CAT RAINS ON YOUR PARADE

RAINING CATS, NOT DOGS

DESTROY THE COUCH? SORRY, I’LL HAVE TO GET A RAIN-CHECK

I’VE GOT YOUR SILVER LINING RIGHT HERE

It was working. The pictures spread online, and cloudy cat became a meme. Zeus glanced over to what Tekhno was doing. His screen had lines and lines of gobbledygook—no language Zeus had ever seen before, though there were occasional words in there he could make out.

Whatever. When people started making their own cloudy cat memes (WHEN IT RAINS IT PURRS) and started producing shirts and bumper stickers, he figured it was good enough. He stood up and yelled, “Behold, the might of Zeus! I am cloudy cat, and the internet loves me. Themis, declare it!”

Tekhno laughed. “Aw, you really ARE adorable. Getting a meme going in so short a time isn’t bad, I’ll grant you that. But it’s nothing in comparison to this .” He hit a button on his keyboard.

Zeus waited. Nothing seemed to happen. “And?”

“I’ve now taken over the web. I’ve hacked into the largest ISPs on earth, and started routing traffic my own way. People trying to go to Google are going to my own Google spoof site, where every returned link informs them that Zeus sucks. Rotten Tomatoes? The hottest thing on it is a movie called ‘Zeus’…guess what. It sucks.” He giggled. “I’ve made Facebook and Twitter swap everybody’s profile picture with an image that says ‘Zeus sucks.’ Reddit’s front page is overflowing with links about how Zeus sucks. Every mobile phone worldwide is getting a text that says ‘Zeus sucks.’ Are you getting the picture?”

Zeus poked around online. “Zeus sucks” was everywhere. It far outweighed anything cloudy cat could reach. No. This was awful—Tekhno was young and flush with power, and he remembered what happened when young and powerful gods won. He used to be that guy.

“Uh oh!” crowed Tekhno, his visor glittering with LEDs. “Now every digital traffic sign, airport announcement board, and even every connected coffee maker is displaying the words ‘Zeus sucks.’”

Themis smiled. “That seems pretty definitive to me. You have 10…9…” The audience started counting down along with her.

This punk was going to want to humiliate him. And probably do something way worse than try to chain Zeus to a rock and have his liver eaten every day. Worse than killing him. Worse than humiliating him in front of Themis.

The bubble of rage swelled in Zeus’ chest and he stood up with a roar. NOBODY got the best of Zeus. He was the king of the gods, slayer of Cronus! He reached for Tekhno’s neck, and—

“Physical harm to your opponent is out of bounds for this challenge,” chirped Themis. “6…5…”

Breathe. Anger is not constructive. Find your gratitudes or an outlet for the anger. An outlet…

And there it was. Two tiny outlets at the bottom of the low gray walls. Zeus yanked out the two laptop cables with a swoop, and shoved in as much raw lightning power as he could.

Extra juice surged through the wires, which were metaphysically connected to the entirety of the earth’s electrical grid, which overloaded. Around the world, cell towers shut off, servers died, and equipment went dark in quick succession. And as wires shorted out and blackouts rolled across the world, humanity en mass glared at their suddenly-disconnected cell phones and dead screens and grumbled, “What is this piece of shit?”

“2…1…Well, that was unexpected,” said Themis, “but in a last-minute turn, I declare Zeus the winner.” An amused smile played on her face, and with a wave of her arms she dissolved the arena, the crowds, the computers, and the low walls. The elements of a eucalyptus-scented Mediterranean courtyard rushed in from all directions to fill the empty space.

“What? Are you kidding me?” screamed Tekhno. “That’s cheating! The battlefield was the internet!” He stamped his foot like a petulant child.

Themis walked over to Tekhno, growing with every step until she dwarfed him. Arms akimbo, she said, “And he disabled the internet, making far more people hate you than you had them hating him. Do you care to challenge the ruling? You know, the one from the IMPARTIAL GODDESS OF JUSTICE?” She stared him down. Zeus remembered that look, and was distinctly relieved to not be its target for once. It could strip the leaves right off a laurel wreath.

Tekhno winced and looked away. Hah. The kid couldn’t handle it. “Nothatsfine” he mumbled.

“Very well. As the winner of the challenge, Zeus may claim his prize.” She made another gesture, and Gob appeared with a stack of paperwork. The god had its usual puckered look on its face.

Zeus tamped down a shudder at the papers. But his award. He hadn’t even thought that far ahead! He could take whatever he wanted. He could strip Tekhno of everything he owned, everything he could do! He could be back , most powerful god once more! And he could….

He saw Tekhno’s scared face, and remembered Sisyphus and Prometheus, Thor and Raijin and the Thunderbird, and all the others he’d punished over the years. No. No falling back into the old patterns. Powerful Zeus lashed out, and he didn’t want to be that person anymore.

But he didn’t have to roll over and take it, either.

“My prize has three components. First: Tekhno shall be required to pay as much funds into my account each month as I deem fit. I’m not gonna deal with this electric bill bullshit again. Second:Tekhno is never to bother me again, in however way I deem ‘bothering’ at the time. And third,” at this an evil grin spread on his face, “Tekhno is now responsible for any paperwork I might have to do, in any context, from now until the end of time, and must do it correctly and to the best of his ability.”