SL Huang - Up and Coming - Stories by the 2016 Campbell-Eligible Authors

“I don’t know,” he said finally. “Maybe I’m just not cut out to be a god owner.”

“Well, what about in-home training?”

Jack gave him a quizzical look. “I don’t know. Isn’t that expensive?”

Cory shrugged. “No more expensive than replacing all that stuff the little guy destroys on you.”

Jack thought about it. Maybe Cory was right. He popped another potato puffer into his mouth, and chased it with a sip of Diet Pepsi.

That night, he did an online search for in-home god training. There were several trainers in the area. He wrote down the number of the one that seemed the most promising, a woman calling herself "The God Whisperer." He’d call from work tomorrow.

“And how long have you had this god in your home?”

Doris the god trainer sat on Jack’s couch. She was a friendly, big boned woman, with dark hair that she wore teased up into a beehive. She had both the breath and the voice of a lifelong smoker.

She’d need to interview Jack first, she’d said. Get a feel for the Zu’ar’s living situation. Once she identified the problem areas with the god’s behavior, she’d be able to figure out what training steps were needed.

“Um, I adopted him about six months ago.”

She scribbled on her notepad. “Did his aggressive behavior start right away? Or did it develop over time?”

“No. He was always pretty aggressive.”

“Mmm-hmm. And I’m sorry, but I don’t have my notes from the phone call in front of me. Did you say he was a rescue?”

“That’s right. I got him at the humane society.”

She was in the middle of asking how much exercise Zu’ar normally got, when the tiny god stalked into the room.

“Who is this woman, Weakling? Why is she in my house?”

Doris wrinkled her nose. “Does he always bring that burning and decay scent with him?”

“Yes.”

“Answer me, Weakling. What does this woman want? Why does she ignore me when I speak into her mind?”

“That’s actually a very common sign of dominance with war gods,” Doris said. “They use it as a way to mark their territory. The scent is supposed to terrify more passive gods and mortals into submission. Have you ever tried to get him to stop?”

“No, I mostly just ignore it.”

Doris nodded. She scribbled a few more notes into her pad.

“I will see this woman’s bones bleach beneath the sun, Weakling. Tell her I will not be ignored. Tell her she will hear me, or she will suffer the consequences.”

Jack swallowed. “Um, he says…”

The trainer held up her hand. “No. Don’t pay any attention to him when he’s sending prophesies of doom into your mind. When you acknowledge that kind of behavior, it just encourages him to keep it up. You should only give him attention when he communicates in benevolent prophecies.”

“Okay.”

Doris closed her notepad. “Look, I’m going to be honest with you, Mr. Foster. War gods are some of the most difficult deities to care for. Their owners have to be assertive and in control at all times. They aren’t inherently ‘bad,’ but they only respect strength and ruthlessness. Their behavior can get out of control if you don’t prove to them that you’re the strongest member of the household. Do you think you’re ready to do that?”

Jack looked at Zu’ar. He remembered how small and defenseless he’d looked in the cage all those months ago. Zu’ar had been sitting by himself in his little corner, while all of the other gods played and performed miracles together.

He was alone. He had nobody. That was why Jack had taken him home. And now Jack couldn’t imagine putting him back in that situation. He loved the little guy.

“Yes,” he said. “I’m ready.”

“Do not make me laugh, Cowardly Weakling. You will never be stronger than me. My followers were feared all across the ancient world.”

Jack turned to say something. But he caught the trainer’s look out the corner of his eye.

“Do not ignore me, Weakling. You will come to regret it.”

Jack didn’t answer him. In a rage, Zu’ar kicked the wall. Then he stormed up the steps. A few seconds later, Jack heard him slam the bedroom door.

“Good,” Doris said. “Now I’d like to ask you about his eating habits.”

Jack came home from work to a pile of bloody pigeon feathers on the front walk.

“Oh, no.”

The training sessions had been going good. Zu’ar hadn’t slaughtered anything in weeks. He was even beginning to listen when Jack told him to do something. Things were actually getting peaceful around the house for a change.

Now this.

“Zu’ar? Zu’ar where are you?”

“I am here, Weakling.”

“I told you not to call me that,” Jack said.

Zu’ar looked at the ground and slumped his shoulders, adopting a submissive posture. “I am sorry. I meant no offense. That is how I have named you for so long, I merely forgot. Please, forgive me.”

Jack pointed at the pile of feathers. “What is this? I thought I told you, no more killing things in the front yard.”

“I know. I am sorry I broke your edict.”

“What are you holding behind your back? Give it. Give it here.”

Zu’ar held up a small necklace made of twine. Two fresh birds’ feet hung from the loop.

“The eagle’s claw was a status symbol among my people, Mortal. I wanted to make you a similar gift.”

“That’s touching. Thank you.” It was also a little gross. Jack was very careful to hold the necklace by the loop.

Zu’ar peered up hopefully. “Is the Wise Woman coming to the house today, Mortal?”

That was his name for the god trainer. “She is,” Jack said. “She’ll be here in a few minutes, in fact. We should go inside.”

“The Wise Woman has much strength and authority. You should ask her to bear you some children. She would raise them into fine warriors.”

Jack shook his head. Gods. What could you do with them?

“I think she’d prefer a check,” he said.

END

originally published by Daily Science Fiction in June, 2014

The first time, we stayed together for fifty years. The divorce was my doing. I fell apart a few months after we received our permanent extensions, at a hotel on Nassau, the same one where we’d taken our honeymoon. We were sitting side by side on a balcony, basking in the sun and the moist, salt tinged air.

"We’re truly forever now," I said, fixing my gaze on the hazy blue horizon and not his face. "What if this isn’t right? What if there’s another woman out there who’d make you happier?"

"Not this again," he groaned. "After all these years, how can you be so insecure?"

"Wrong answer," I said. "If you’d told me that I’m the only one you’d ever want, I would have believed you."

I walked out of that room and refused to see him again, not even to serve the documents.

We were apart for nearly a decade before we both decided that we were better with each other than anyone else.

"Should we, maybe, have kids?" he said tentatively as we laid in bed on our second honeymoon. His pale skin glowed in the moonlight, and his copper hair sparkled and curled around my dark fingers.

I looked up into his clear hazel eyes. "I think I’d like that. How about we start tomorrow?"

He laughed, a deep, drum-like thrum which always made me warm inside. "Sure, why not?" He planted a kiss on my nose. "I love that you can still surprise me."