Colin Palmer - More Short Stories to Read on a Bus, a Car, a Train, a Plane (or a comfy chair anywhere)

“What if he is aware of the Romani folk?” another asked the elder.

The old man turned his eyes to the woman. “Yes, so you tell this man you are a witch, a good witch, then you use the name of a cursed one to address him, and you leave after telling him you are in fact an evil witch! What if he does know the Romani and works it out? He will not make the Trishul if he knows.” His voice gathered volume as he spoke and he pointed fixedly, accusingly, at the woman, with a single gnarled finger.

She laughed out loud, again, slapping her thigh in glee at their combined looks of shock. “Because I gave him the Solax to engrave onto the handle and he did not recognise the old speech. When he completes the engraving he will be putting a hex on himself, a curse that will see him dead within minutes, or hours, or days if he is extremely careful. But you tell me, how soon before a blade maker draws blood, mayhap when he shaves in the morning?” her laughing increased and the men in the car nodded their approval and laughed along with her. “It will end his blood line forevermore, justice finally after his family effected the deaths of hundreds of ours.”

The limo departed with its laughing occupants, leaving behind a reflective Luigi, upstairs in his apartment thinking of the woman who had come into his life so abruptly. Maybe, just maybe there is a chance for me to have a family, a heir, he was thinking. He picked up the telephone and called his special metals supplier again, this time he wanted a special express delivery. He was going to make sure this job was so exquisite she would drop dead at his feet in gratitude …..

============== THE END ===============

Ever have one of those days, you know, the type of day that you wish you never got out of bed? Everybody has them, occasionally, some more than others, and for those who get out of the wrong side of bed on one of those days, it can be catastrophic, life defining, or life ending. Eve, Tom and Jerry shared one of those days together. The three close friends suffered at the hands of fate, a hand obviously dealt with the greatest amount of malicious intent with the aim of delivering the most brutal torment imaginable.

Eve slept in, her alarm inexplicably not working even though it had done so religiously for the past three months. She tripped over the cat (black of course) hurrying to the bathroom, chipped a tooth when she collided with the partially open door then in her half stupor, sat down on the toilet and began her business having forgotten to put up the lid. The warmth from her nether regions, not to mention the smell, performed the function that her alarm clock didn’t and she truly came awake quickly, jumping up and swivelling quickly to witness her stupidity. She cursed to the heavens with all her petite frame could muster but quickly realised there was something worse happening … she’d also forgotten to lower her panties. She didn’t believe for a second that her day could get any worse, however, this was just a prelude of what was to come!

Tom was always early to work, always. His nickname at work was ‘Early-Tom’ in fact, something his colleagues always managed to say with some form of added sexual innuendo, more often when there was an attractive new young lady in the office. This day Tom was not early, he wasn’t even on time – Tom was late. More than one person looked around the expanses of the office wondering why the lights weren’t on, why the coffee machine, printers and photocopiers were not operating. Some of them milled around the coffee machine studying how to make it work! Where was Tom, where was ‘Early Tom’? He was on the freeway, which was the actual reason Tom became ‘Early Tom’, because he liked to avoid the morning rush hour. Unfortunately, this day Tom had created a nightmare for commuters because he had smashed the brand new car he had picked up just the previous afternoon. Tom had bought a Ferrari, red of course, and yesterday drove it home with loving care, pride, and due attention. Tom’s mistake was believing he could leave home five minutes later now because a Ferrari was infinitely faster than the Prius he had traded. What Tom hadn’t reckoned on was the minor percentile increase in traffic just five more minutes added, and in his frustration at his potential late arrival, had attempted one too many gung-ho passing maneuvers. His brand new Ferrari currently occupied lanes three and four and a fair bit of overpass support pylon. Tom was fine; shaken, furious, frustrated but fine. The only condolence was the fact that if he had been in his Prius, he’d probably be seriously injured or worse. Worse was though, of course, yet to come.

Jerry was Tom’s best friend, had been since they started school together. But where Tom was always neat and punctual, not to mention well dressed, Jerry was slovenly and tardy. Casual, was how Jerry saw himself. Casual Jerry had met Eve about five years ago, a casual meeting at a bar, a casual meeting that turned into a casual relationship until Eve decided they should part ways and just be friends. Their casual relationship cum casual friendship actually turned into a full-on trio of close friends who, over the years, developed an understanding and acceptance of each other and their individual idiosyncrasies. Jerry only ever stressed over whether Tom and Eve would ever get together as a couple, though he had never dare share this thought with the pair of them lest he accidentally introduce something they had never thought about before. That would be an irony he could never accept. Jerry had a, well, a fairly casual morning so far, nothing stressful had happened that he’d noticed anyway and it had been a fairly typical day. That was until he got the first text message from his best pal Tom, and almost simultaneously, an email arriving pinged its existence on his computer, from Eve he saw. Both messages had the same heading – HELP!

Jerry acted immediately – comforting, supportive text messages, emails and follow up phone calls to his two best mates, his casual attitude actually helping to relieve their respective moods. But it didn’t last long as Tom soon discovered that the insurance on his Ferrari hadn’t been validated and approved and Eve received her nightmare client in person when he was only supposed to call to arrange an appointment. Naturally, the pair of them were at their lowest ebb by the end of the day and even Jerry was becoming concerned at what to do. Suddenly, he had a revelation. Tonight, the same night every week, the trio usually joined up for dinner. They’d been doing this for nearly three years, sans holidays and illnesses. Jerry understood he had to make tonight special, spectacular even to try and cheer his friends up after their respective disastrous day.

Jerry ate anything. Jerry ate everything. Tom and Eve were different though, their diets restricted to their chosen favourites irrespective of the cuisine. Jerry thought they were boring, unadventurous, dull, so he thought it was time to go to the extremes because nothing else would do it. There was one thing the three of them universally disliked, only one cuisine among hundreds they had always agreed was taboo, and that was spicy food, specifically, spicy Thai food. Sure they ate spicy Mexican food, spicy Chinese and Indian food, damn it, The Colonels Spicy Buffalo Wings were the best too but somewhere, somehow, the three of them had agreed never to eat Thai food. Jerry couldn’t recall when and why they had decided this but what he did know was after such an epic day, they needed to go to the extremes.

He emailed them both an address and a directive to meet him there at seven sharp this evening because they were all going out on a limb tonight. He didn’t tell them the name of the restaurant because tonight, they were going to live dangerously. It was now or never and he couldn’t see either of them refusing such was the downer they were suffering. Jerry was late getting to the restaurant and Tom was already there, naturally, walking the footpath out the front taking in the glowing neon announcing THAI FOOD. They shook grips and bumped shoulders as old mates do but Tom kept glancing at the sign. He made it clear he was not impressed with the idea but Jerry convinced him it was worth a try. Eve arrived just as Tom acquiesced and Jerry had to repeat the process but was at least supported by Tom now. After the day they had, what could be worse was the general feeling. Jerry was congratulating himself on a good decision.