Ben Bova - Test of Fire

“It goes with the job,” Alec answered. “Soon I’ll start turning gray.”

They were sitting in the tiny alcove off to one side of the medical compartment. The main section of the compartment was filled with the automated examination booth and its sensors and computer terminal. Sitting across the flimsy desk from her, Alec realized why the men chased her.

But she was looking at him with coolly professional concern.

“What’s bothering you?” she asked.

You are, he started to say. But instead, “I’m responsible for the lives of fifty men who’ll be going Earthside with me. And for the life of the entire settlement, if we don’t bring back those fissionables.”

“But you sought out this responsibility.”

“That doesn’t make it any easier.”

She eyed him for a long moment, tapping her finger lightly on the tiny desktop, then turned slightly to study the data screen on the wall at her side.

“I think,” she said calmly, “that you are full of shit. Either you’re trying to con me, or you’re conning yourself.”

Alec broke into laughter.

“You find that funny?”

“Sure, why not?”

She pursed her lips in obvious annoyance.

“Look,” Alec said, “Dr. Sinton… um, what is your first name, anyway?”

“Lenore.”

“Lenore?”

“As in Poe.”

“What?”

“Never mind. Am I to assume I may call you Alexander, instead of Commander Morgan?”

“Alec.”

She still had not smiled. “Very well, Alec. You are losing weight, even though you’re not turning gray. To what do you attribute this medical phenomenon?”

“Are you a psychiatrist as well as a medic?”

“No. Please answer my question.”

Alec leaned back in the flimsy chair. “The answer is—I don’t know.”

“I think you do.”

Without raising his voice, Alec said, “I really don’t give a damn what you think.”

Now she smiled. But it wasn’t sweetness. “You had better. Because you’re not going Earthside until I’m satisfied that your physical condition is up to it.”

Alec glared at her, feeling the heat rising inside him. “The tyranny of the medics.”

She shrugged. Despite himself, he found the movement delicious.

For a strained, silent moment they sat there trying to stare each other down. Finally she said, “Shall I tell you what my opinion is?”

“You’re the doctor.” Alec tried to make it sound casual, but his fists were clenched in his lap.

“You’re not sleeping well. You’re not eating properly. You’re edgy, moody, irritable.”

“That’s your opinion?”

“No,” she said easily. “Those are my observations.

Now the opinion comes. The reason for your condition is that you’re,” she hesitated a barest half-heartbeat, “scared.”

Alec fought down an urge to get out of the chair and walk away. He could feel the color flaming in his face.

“Not in the sense of physical cowardice,”

Lenore added quickly. “You’ve been dragging around here under a steady full-Earth g and feeling lousy. All of us have. But you’re worrying about how you’ll perform on Earth. You know about the heavy atmosphere, the heat, the terrific humidity, and it’s got you worried. Too much imagination. Like Lord Jim.”

“Who’s he?”

“God! Don’t you read anything?”

“Sure—military history, meteorology, geography…”

Shaking her head, Lenore said, “Your problem is that you don’t know how to unwind.”

“That’s your diagnosis?”

“It is. And I’ve got a prescription for you.” She pushed away from the desk and stood up. Alec realized again how desirable she was.

“Prescription?” he asked as he got to his feet.

“Yes,” she said, and now she was really smiling.

“Tonight I’m going to fix a special dinner for you. In my compartment. Twenty-hundred hours. Be there. Doctor’s orders.”

Alec grinned at her. “The tyranny of the medics.”

She did fix a special meal. Somehow, out of two standard dinner trays from the galley she managed to add spices, some sort of delicious sauce for the soymeat, and even a golden concoction that tasted almost like lunar brandy.

“I raided the galley and the medical stores,”

Lenore admitted.

She was sitting on the bunk. Alec had the compartment’s only chair. Lenore was wearing shorts and a pull-over top, standard off-duty clothes. She filled them magnificently.

“I like your prescription,” Alec said. He spoke slowly and carefully, the brandy was that strong.

“I haven’t felt this relaxed in months.”

“The treatment’s just starting,” she said, patting the bunk beside her.

Alec took his glass to the bunk.

“You do feel good?” she asked.

Nodding, “Maybe too good.”

“What do you mean?”

“I want to go to bed with you,” he said.

“Well,” she said, “why not?”

“I don’t know. I’m not sure that I ought to.”

“Are you afraid that I deliberately ensnared you? Manipulated you into this?” She was smiling.

“No, not…”

“Well I did,” Lenore said. “I’ve been planning this for several days.”

“Really?” Something in the back of Alec’s mind told him that he should be upset about that, but it was a distant warning. He ignored it.

She went on, “Ever since I noticed how uptight you were starting to look.”

“I see. I brought out your maternal instincts.”

“Not exa… why did you say that?”

He shrugged. “Dunno. What?” Alec drained his glass and reached for the bottle on the desk.

But she asked, “How many women have you made love to?”

He grabbed the bottle. “Thousands. I used to keep a list in my desk back home but it got too long. Had to put it on the computer.”

“Come on, really.” She held her glass out and he started to refill it. The liquid flowed so fast under one-g that the tiny plastic cup overflowed and brandy splashed down onto her bare leg.

“Hey!”

“Hell! I’m sorry…” Alec put the bottle down and took one of the napkins from the desk. He dabbed at the wetness on her leg.

“That’s nice,” Lenore said softly.

He kissed her, but that warning note still sounded faintly off in the back of his head.

“Why did you want to know how many girls I’ve been to bed with?”

“H’mmm?” she murmured. Then, pulling slightly away from him, “Oh… just professional curiosity.”

“Professional?”

“Medical,” she said. “Psychological.”

“I thought you said you weren’t a psychologist.”

“I’m not. But still, it’s interesting how people are sexually attracted to those who remind them of their parents.”

He backed off completely. “You don’t look anything like my mother.”

Lenore smiled. “And you don’t look anything like my father, either. But you have that same coiled-up animal power in you. Just like he did. And I tend to be aggressive, just like…”

“That’s bullshit!”

“Such strong language! Really getting to you?”

She seemed amused. “Would you have invited me to your place for dinner? Would it even have crossed your mind?”

“I thought about it,” Alec said. “But you seemed busy enough.”

“I haven’t gone to bed with anyone since we arrived here at the station. Do you believe that? Six women and eighty men, and I get to fondle each man at least twice a week… and I waited for you.”

Alec didn’t know what to say.

“I even turned Martin down. Twice.”

The warning alarm rang in his head. “Kobol?”

She nodded. “Twice.”

“Why did you say even?” Alec demanded.

“I don’t know. I guess because he’s sexy. Dark and mysterious. Deadly earnest. He warned me about you…” She looked as if she would giggle.